I recommend that you open up the yellow pages and

I recommend that you open up the yellow pages and find yourself a good proctologist, maybe a whole team of them. The stick you have up your posterior portion seems to be turning into a log and if its not removed soon, I fear that you are going to be in a huge world of hurt. If left untreated that damn thing will soon have you ripped apart and everyone here at The Bridge will be covered in your fecalacious goop. That would leave the whole board in a massive state of PO and would be contrary to the major aim we have here which is to keep all of our campers happy.

And if you choose not to seek out the services of a proctologists then please, please, please, double up on your Depends. After all, tis better to be safe than sorry. LOLOLOLOL