Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married.
Post# of 3036
Posted On: 05/02/2014 9:23:38 PM
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Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married.
A wireless bra?
They weren't tricky enough, now I need a password?
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a
coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the
ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.
*bark*
"What's that Lassie?"
*bark bark*
"Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?"
*bark*
"Ooh, dinnertime."
If my girl didn't want me to wear her new
thong, she shouldn't have said she bought it "for me."
Women are confusing.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner.
People, not so much.
A single text to my mom is like pulling that
loose thread on a sweater.
A little bird told me I'm on LSD and talking to
a bird.
"Honey, have you seen the baby?
I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!"
- birth of an expression
"Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day."
- Hugh Hefner, every morning of his life.
If you want to set up a company and run it,
then that's your business.
The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just
tossed it into the trash can.
Then I put the bath mat in the washer.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they
got married?
Feyonce.
A wireless bra?
They weren't tricky enough, now I need a password?
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a
coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the
ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.
*bark*
"What's that Lassie?"
*bark bark*
"Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?"
*bark*
"Ooh, dinnertime."
If my girl didn't want me to wear her new
thong, she shouldn't have said she bought it "for me."
Women are confusing.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner.
People, not so much.
A single text to my mom is like pulling that
loose thread on a sweater.
A little bird told me I'm on LSD and talking to
a bird.
"Honey, have you seen the baby?
I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!"
- birth of an expression
"Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day."
- Hugh Hefner, every morning of his life.
If you want to set up a company and run it,
then that's your business.
The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just
tossed it into the trash can.
Then I put the bath mat in the washer.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they
got married?
Feyonce.
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