Something tells me they go for pizza at their meetings. And like just about every corporate environment, Sally from reception is asked to line up the food. She goes for pizza because it's easy and cheap. Plus she's a sucker for the local joint with the little butter garlic dippers on the side. She does the quick calculations every corporate employee with the same task knows by heart, coming up with a total of 14 pizzas to feed the entire staff. From there it's easy for Sally, as well as every other corporate monkey in the same position. One cheese, one pepperoni, one veggie for the whiners, four with everything, and seven ham and pineapple. The guy on the other end of the phone nods with each request and, once Sally is finished, says "team meeting, huh?"

The pizzas arrive and the person who forces Sally to order everything pizzas each time immediately is there first. He goes in for two slices of pepperoni, the world's favorite pie. The guy from accounting that everyone thinks is a serial killer, and obviously who requests ham and pineapple each time, is second in the door. He takes a cheese and pepperoni slice. Ten seconds in the cheese and pepperoni pies are long gone and the majority of employees are stuck ripping off bullshit toppings and making due.

May we all earn enough money from our investment here to forever be in a position of power over our pizza orders. This is my wish for all of you, except Craig. Because he absolutely eats pineapple on his pizza regularly. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.