My granddaughter is so dumb....................she tells everyone she's bipolar because she works at two different strip clubs.

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the polar bear?
Do not consume if seal is broken.

Why don't polar bears ever get married?
Because they all get cold feet.

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.
But he got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.