I took a date to the cinema and we both put our
hands into the popcorn at the same time. To make it not seem awkward,
I said "Don't worry, that's not the hand I masturbate with."

Did you hear about the dyslexic guy at the cinema?
He ordered a large cockporn.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.

It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke"
if you are not a dad. It's a faux pa.

Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing!

I hate Russian dolls.
They're so full of themselves.