Why do some accountants become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

Accountant: "So how is your personal growth?"
Client: "Well, I had an erection last night."

Why was smoke coming from the accountant's office?
He was cooking the books.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
He looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.

Did you hear about the accountant who went to see a psychiatrist because he kept hearing strange invoices?

What do accountants do to liven up their office party?
Invite a funeral director.