Good ones--Rodney Dangerfield said

I get no respect, the boys are calling my daughter Fed EX, when she goes on a date she absolutely positively has to be there overnight.

I went to buy a used car.
I looked in the back seat and saw my wife's dress.

I get no respect.
My wife cut me down to once a month.
Hey, I'm not complaining. I know three guys she cut out completely.

~~~~~~~~~~
I called my doctor to say I was ending it all and already took a whole bottle of sleeping pills.
He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I don't get no respect...
Even my trophy wife is for last place !

My wife gives me no respect.
I took her to a drive-in movie. I spent the whole night trying to find out what car she was in.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

RIP Rodney