I hate being strapped
for cash, but you have to make a living somehow.

I'm married.
In other words, I'm a man trapped outside a woman's body.

I asked the people
in the lobby if the building had an elevator. You should have seen the stairs I got.

I used to know this guy who hung around the corners of maps. He was a legend.

A midget walks into a library
and asks, "Do you have a book on irony?". The librarian says, "Yeah, it's on the top shelf."

How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?
Attractive.

My girlfriend is a porn star.
She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.