A blonde lost her dog. <
Her boyfriend suggested she post an ad on craigslist.
A week later the dog was still missing.
The boyfriend asked, "Exactly what did your ad say?"
She replied, "Here, boy!"

I wish my keyboard
had a removable crumb tray like my toaster!

Thanks to me Home Depot
is adding "For Display Only" signs to their toilets.

Women shouldn't have children after 35.
because that many children is more than enough.

I always start my diet on the same day. Tomorrow!

Since light travels faster than sound
some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

At a company presentation my boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke.
So I put my pay slip on the first slide.

get haircuts even when I don't need them because it's the closest I can get to sex.

believe in looking out for number one.
Especially if the dog hasn't been house trained.

Girls' names are like passwords. Get it wrong: access denied.

"All's well that ends well" Maybe except for, "I'm trapped down a..."

I surprised my girlfriend during sex
with a little move I like to call "coming home early".

HOW TO SAVE THE WORLD: 1. Open Microsoft Word.
2. In a size 12-36 font, type "The World".
3. Click save.

Men look at boobs for the same reason
women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.