With Halloween upon us, I think we all know what time it is.
Yep, that’s right.
It’s time for Respert24’s 2025 Halloween Treat Prediction. Which is where, as we all know from these posts in previous years, I perfectly predict which treats are being handed out by members of this message board.
Just like in past years, I’ve assembled a crack team of experts to help in accurately guessing what many of you are handing out to kids this year. On top of the usual unpaid interns, gas station grifters, and top hat full of candy names that I rely upon, we’ve added Poland’s 17th most popular AI program, Dumbrowski. So let’s get to it.
Evil Rabbit – Our models indicate that ER is most likely handing out gumballs, thanks to the obvious nature of the treat. No having to explain the rules over and over. It’s gum. In ball shape. Can we move on please?
CDiddy – Fruitstripes Gum because of how quickly he disappeared.
Sean007 – Our analysis spit out (technical term) two clear answers for Sean…A bit of a rarity with our modeling process. Sean is going…cheeky this year, with kids getting wax gum mustaches and adults…getting 50mls of Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey.
Mountaineer – Though Snickers exist up there, it’ll be those root beer barrel candies up in dem hills this year. The closest thing to moonshine a child of the mountains is allowed until they hit at least 12 years of age.
Parrothead47 – My laptop dinged with a result so aggressively that I thought something broke. Pina Colada flavored Dum Dums for sure.
2MartiniGI – Clearly our models assumed the GI meant he’s a gut doctor, because he’ll be surely giving out individual cups of Activia w/ Bifidis Regularis to restore gut health in those little monsters stopping by.
Misiu143 – She goes homemade jelly donut and will never bow to the industry that pushes individually wrapped and sealed treats. Specifically a paczki, which is both like the Cadillac of jelly donuts AND a jelly donut that lived an unhealthy life and found itself on My 600lb Life.
KenChowder – You’d think at first that it’s going to be a personal ladle full of piping hot chowda for each kid, but that’s just not feasible. Our models say he’s tried it numerous times without success. Which means he’s a Boston Baked Beans guy. Which is kind of like the black jelly bean of those off brand candy boxes of the time. In a world of lemonbreakers and redhots, who’s choosing Boston Baked Beans? AND WHO THOUGHT CHERRY CLANS WERE OK TO MARKET?!
ClosetInvestor – Cherry Clans.
Ohm20 – I watched as my modeling software briefly settled on Smarties, which makes sense, but to my amazement it kept working and eventually settled on an original Willy Wonka-style confection that looks exactly like the CCR5 receptor and somehow tastes like winning. Something that spoiled piece of shit Veruca would have snatched out of another kid’s hands to eat herself.
Mr3Putt – Three putting is painful. Nobody wants to do it, especially when those in your group are one-putting and chipping close for tap-ins. The modeling says he’s taking out some of that frustration on the local kids. Teach them that life is going to be hard sometimes. Werther’s Original, but Maple Crème flavor. Looks the part of a good candy, but then you throw it in your mouth and get pancakes? Life ain’t fair, kid. Sometimes you lip out and have a longer putt on the way back. The Maple Crème, if you will.
Craig – Off brand toothbrushes
Hyperbolic – A “bag of Doritos” all day long. The package is all loud and proud, making you think you’re getting an absolute pile of chips. And entire bag? Why, I do declare! But then you pop open the package and there’s like, 4 chips.
Norm – Snickers. But the Dutch version with unsweetened chocolate. And every time he drops one in the bag it comes with a long eye contact explanation about how this chocolate is actually way sweeter than US chocolate.
CruJones – Bootleg copies of the world’s greatest BMX movie, Rad, along with some GT Pro Performer stickers.
Plotinus – Rock Candy, but in a historically accurate shape rocks from the shores of Normandy Beach.
Riztheinvestor – Those little plastic chests that normally would contain gold “coins” made of chocolate, but he’s removed the chocolates and inserted the statutes pertaining to whistleblower rights. Every fifth chest gets their very own vault number to keep their nodes in.
ChazzleDazzle – Razzles. Easy. Anyone who uses that many “azzles” in their name is looking for them anywhere they can get them.
Katangolo – Necco Wafers, and the model refuses to explain why.
Shelly – Those long Pepperidge Farms sausages, but authentic German versions. Steins of hefeweizen for anyone looking older than 12.
And last but not least, your board’s four time Champion Poster, Respert24.
This year, like in years past, the Respert24 Clan will be handing out 10oz Wagyu filets, cooked medium rare. They also have their choice of a side from a variety of smaller, non-wagyu filets. Adults receive their choice of Pritchard Hill Cabernet from Chappellet or a 2006 Elivette from Spring Mountain Vineyards. Kids choose between Silver Oak Cabernet and Quixote Petite Sirah. Still tasty, but a little lighter on the pocketbook since they’re just kids and haven’t developed their palates yet. And when I see a particularly good costume I pull that child aside and teach them a curse word they don’t know yet. A little something to take back to their friends for putting in the effort. We respect the hustle around these parts.
Happy Halloween!
Yep, that’s right.
It’s time for Respert24’s 2025 Halloween Treat Prediction. Which is where, as we all know from these posts in previous years, I perfectly predict which treats are being handed out by members of this message board.
Just like in past years, I’ve assembled a crack team of experts to help in accurately guessing what many of you are handing out to kids this year. On top of the usual unpaid interns, gas station grifters, and top hat full of candy names that I rely upon, we’ve added Poland’s 17th most popular AI program, Dumbrowski. So let’s get to it.
Evil Rabbit – Our models indicate that ER is most likely handing out gumballs, thanks to the obvious nature of the treat. No having to explain the rules over and over. It’s gum. In ball shape. Can we move on please?
CDiddy – Fruitstripes Gum because of how quickly he disappeared.
Sean007 – Our analysis spit out (technical term) two clear answers for Sean…A bit of a rarity with our modeling process. Sean is going…cheeky this year, with kids getting wax gum mustaches and adults…getting 50mls of Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey.
Mountaineer – Though Snickers exist up there, it’ll be those root beer barrel candies up in dem hills this year. The closest thing to moonshine a child of the mountains is allowed until they hit at least 12 years of age.
Parrothead47 – My laptop dinged with a result so aggressively that I thought something broke. Pina Colada flavored Dum Dums for sure.
2MartiniGI – Clearly our models assumed the GI meant he’s a gut doctor, because he’ll be surely giving out individual cups of Activia w/ Bifidis Regularis to restore gut health in those little monsters stopping by.
Misiu143 – She goes homemade jelly donut and will never bow to the industry that pushes individually wrapped and sealed treats. Specifically a paczki, which is both like the Cadillac of jelly donuts AND a jelly donut that lived an unhealthy life and found itself on My 600lb Life.
KenChowder – You’d think at first that it’s going to be a personal ladle full of piping hot chowda for each kid, but that’s just not feasible. Our models say he’s tried it numerous times without success. Which means he’s a Boston Baked Beans guy. Which is kind of like the black jelly bean of those off brand candy boxes of the time. In a world of lemonbreakers and redhots, who’s choosing Boston Baked Beans? AND WHO THOUGHT CHERRY CLANS WERE OK TO MARKET?!
ClosetInvestor – Cherry Clans.
Ohm20 – I watched as my modeling software briefly settled on Smarties, which makes sense, but to my amazement it kept working and eventually settled on an original Willy Wonka-style confection that looks exactly like the CCR5 receptor and somehow tastes like winning. Something that spoiled piece of shit Veruca would have snatched out of another kid’s hands to eat herself.
Mr3Putt – Three putting is painful. Nobody wants to do it, especially when those in your group are one-putting and chipping close for tap-ins. The modeling says he’s taking out some of that frustration on the local kids. Teach them that life is going to be hard sometimes. Werther’s Original, but Maple Crème flavor. Looks the part of a good candy, but then you throw it in your mouth and get pancakes? Life ain’t fair, kid. Sometimes you lip out and have a longer putt on the way back. The Maple Crème, if you will.
Craig – Off brand toothbrushes
Hyperbolic – A “bag of Doritos” all day long. The package is all loud and proud, making you think you’re getting an absolute pile of chips. And entire bag? Why, I do declare! But then you pop open the package and there’s like, 4 chips.
Norm – Snickers. But the Dutch version with unsweetened chocolate. And every time he drops one in the bag it comes with a long eye contact explanation about how this chocolate is actually way sweeter than US chocolate.
CruJones – Bootleg copies of the world’s greatest BMX movie, Rad, along with some GT Pro Performer stickers.
Plotinus – Rock Candy, but in a historically accurate shape rocks from the shores of Normandy Beach.
Riztheinvestor – Those little plastic chests that normally would contain gold “coins” made of chocolate, but he’s removed the chocolates and inserted the statutes pertaining to whistleblower rights. Every fifth chest gets their very own vault number to keep their nodes in.
ChazzleDazzle – Razzles. Easy. Anyone who uses that many “azzles” in their name is looking for them anywhere they can get them.
Katangolo – Necco Wafers, and the model refuses to explain why.
Shelly – Those long Pepperidge Farms sausages, but authentic German versions. Steins of hefeweizen for anyone looking older than 12.
And last but not least, your board’s four time Champion Poster, Respert24.
This year, like in years past, the Respert24 Clan will be handing out 10oz Wagyu filets, cooked medium rare. They also have their choice of a side from a variety of smaller, non-wagyu filets. Adults receive their choice of Pritchard Hill Cabernet from Chappellet or a 2006 Elivette from Spring Mountain Vineyards. Kids choose between Silver Oak Cabernet and Quixote Petite Sirah. Still tasty, but a little lighter on the pocketbook since they’re just kids and haven’t developed their palates yet. And when I see a particularly good costume I pull that child aside and teach them a curse word they don’t know yet. A little something to take back to their friends for putting in the effort. We respect the hustle around these parts.
Happy Halloween!
18
