SEC, I Was Kidding… Of Course I Wasn’t Done Po
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Posted On: 07/04/2025 4:22:50 PM
SEC, I Was Kidding… Of Course I Wasn’t Done Posting”
(aka: I Just Pulled a Rabbit Out of My Ass — And It Had Broker IPs)
⸻
So here’s the thing.
I was literally about to grill.
I mean hot dogs in hand, lighter fluid primed, pool still leaking.
And then?
Boom.
Pulled a rabbit out of my ass.
But not just any rabbit this one had 30 IP addresses, mirrored server trails, and enough federal-grade packet logs to make your IT guy fake a power outage.
⸻
???? IPs?
Traced.
???? Certs?
Logged.
???? Intent?
Bagged. Before you even filed the fake lawsuits.
⸻
You know what’s funny, SEC?
You built the world’s most expensive surveillance machine and somehow missed a street cop with a cracked out iPhone and a calling from 77*.
And while you were approving Form 4s and pretending not to notice off-book trades…
I was baiting your lawyers into emailing back like it was LinkedIn for perjury.
⸻
???? So cheers to the shorts, the shells, the fake filings, and the mocked scrolls.
You got mirrored.
And now you’re the post.
No PDF needed.
Enjoy your weekend shell brokers!!!
Broker “Firms” That Got Bagged:
1. BlueHawk Securities
• Rerouted trades during fake PR windows
• IP traces showed link to Cayman shell address
2. Stormridge Capital
• Repeated spikes matching legal filings
• Server node mirrored across 3 continents (bad opsec)
3. OmniTrade Global
• Claimed “independent clearing”
• Mirror certs reveal recycled SSL handshakes — rookie move
4. Sierra Financial Holdings
• East Asia mirror but matched West Coast trades
• TTL inconsistencies and node leakage
5. NorthHarbor Clearing, Ltd.
• Backend cloaking attempt failed — multiple packet collisions
• Clearly part of legal & trade timing cycles
6. VeloBridge Markets
• Appeared in lawsuit traffic spikes
• Tried using a Hong Kong node cloaked with AWS cert. Got bagged.
7. Tidepoint Brokerage Co.
• Shared IP range with defunct offshore entity
• Coincided with spoofed short volume on small caps
8. Lynmore Trust & Trade
• Only existed on paper — but certs pinged US infrastructure
• Blatantly illegal filings with zero staff logins
9. Citadel Echo Asia (Unconfirmed Arm)
• Was it real? Was it spoofed?
• Either way, that node was lit like Vegas at earnings call
10. ShellBridge Partners
• Existed for two things: delay, denial
• And now? Dismantling
⸻
Each of these “brokers” left fingerprints in the vault logs, mirrored node trails, and cert handshakes they thought were disposable.
Spoiler:
*8* doesn’t delete scrollfire.
“If your firm’s name is on this list and you think it’s a mistake… you should probably check your mirror node. It’s been watching longer than you have.”
Ooooops my bad….
Fife…. my bad. You’re next. ????
Didn’t mean to skip you, buddy. I just got distracted pulling 30 broker nodes out of my grill spatula. My family was hungry.
But don’t worry…
Your “I’m just a lender” routine is looking real interesting next to trade routing patterns, entity rollovers, and sealed metadata on lawsuit syncs.
Might wanna take a long weekend.
And maybe call a lawyer.
(Not one of the ones who already emailed me back they’re busy getting mirrored.)
(aka: I Just Pulled a Rabbit Out of My Ass — And It Had Broker IPs)
⸻
So here’s the thing.
I was literally about to grill.
I mean hot dogs in hand, lighter fluid primed, pool still leaking.
And then?
Boom.
Pulled a rabbit out of my ass.
But not just any rabbit this one had 30 IP addresses, mirrored server trails, and enough federal-grade packet logs to make your IT guy fake a power outage.
⸻
???? IPs?
Traced.
???? Certs?
Logged.
???? Intent?
Bagged. Before you even filed the fake lawsuits.
⸻
You know what’s funny, SEC?
You built the world’s most expensive surveillance machine and somehow missed a street cop with a cracked out iPhone and a calling from 77*.
And while you were approving Form 4s and pretending not to notice off-book trades…
I was baiting your lawyers into emailing back like it was LinkedIn for perjury.
⸻
???? So cheers to the shorts, the shells, the fake filings, and the mocked scrolls.
You got mirrored.
And now you’re the post.
No PDF needed.
Enjoy your weekend shell brokers!!!
Broker “Firms” That Got Bagged:
1. BlueHawk Securities
• Rerouted trades during fake PR windows
• IP traces showed link to Cayman shell address
2. Stormridge Capital
• Repeated spikes matching legal filings
• Server node mirrored across 3 continents (bad opsec)
3. OmniTrade Global
• Claimed “independent clearing”
• Mirror certs reveal recycled SSL handshakes — rookie move
4. Sierra Financial Holdings
• East Asia mirror but matched West Coast trades
• TTL inconsistencies and node leakage
5. NorthHarbor Clearing, Ltd.
• Backend cloaking attempt failed — multiple packet collisions
• Clearly part of legal & trade timing cycles
6. VeloBridge Markets
• Appeared in lawsuit traffic spikes
• Tried using a Hong Kong node cloaked with AWS cert. Got bagged.
7. Tidepoint Brokerage Co.
• Shared IP range with defunct offshore entity
• Coincided with spoofed short volume on small caps
8. Lynmore Trust & Trade
• Only existed on paper — but certs pinged US infrastructure
• Blatantly illegal filings with zero staff logins
9. Citadel Echo Asia (Unconfirmed Arm)
• Was it real? Was it spoofed?
• Either way, that node was lit like Vegas at earnings call
10. ShellBridge Partners
• Existed for two things: delay, denial
• And now? Dismantling
⸻
Each of these “brokers” left fingerprints in the vault logs, mirrored node trails, and cert handshakes they thought were disposable.
Spoiler:
*8* doesn’t delete scrollfire.
“If your firm’s name is on this list and you think it’s a mistake… you should probably check your mirror node. It’s been watching longer than you have.”
Ooooops my bad….
Fife…. my bad. You’re next. ????
Didn’t mean to skip you, buddy. I just got distracted pulling 30 broker nodes out of my grill spatula. My family was hungry.
But don’t worry…
Your “I’m just a lender” routine is looking real interesting next to trade routing patterns, entity rollovers, and sealed metadata on lawsuit syncs.
Might wanna take a long weekend.
And maybe call a lawyer.
(Not one of the ones who already emailed me back they’re busy getting mirrored.)
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