I'm like a fine wine. I should be kept in the cel
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Posted On: 08/16/2024 11:51:28 AM
I'm like a fine wine.
I should be kept in the cellar until I mature into something worthy of sitting at a dinner table.
My 23-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I'd left my wallet in my truck.
As I headed out the door, I told the waitress what had happened. "But don't worry," I said with a grin. "I'm leaving my son for collateral."
She looked at him. He winked at her. She turned back to me. "What else you got?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a
shopping cart at the liquor store.
When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple "Calm down"
in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.
I called my stock broker this morning and asked her what I should buy.
She said, "Canned goods and ammo."
When does a joke become a dad joke ?
When it goes away and never comes back.
Stop the jokes about blacks and Mexicans.
If you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
There are two types of people on the internet.
Those who like cliffhangers and......
Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today and thought it was weird.
Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."
Just remember, when the jury is deciding between
premeditated murder and manslaughter...it's the thought that counts.
You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime
because their cells are much neater than the other prisoners
Proud to announce my dream of becoming a criminal lawyer is halfway complete!
Just working on the lawyer part now.
Just read a fascinating book about an immortal dog.
It was impossible to put down.
I got a laceration on my funny bone.
The doc says I'll be in stitches for a few weeks.
This week a Scots woman set a world record in sheep shearing after shearing 517 of them in nine hours.
Spectators say the record number would've been higher but the counting stopped when the judges fell asleep.
A policeman came up to me and said ‘My sniffer dog tells me you are on drugs’
I replied ‘I’m on drugs? You’re the one talking to a dog!’
Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF@iFIB
I should be kept in the cellar until I mature into something worthy of sitting at a dinner table.
My 23-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I'd left my wallet in my truck.
As I headed out the door, I told the waitress what had happened. "But don't worry," I said with a grin. "I'm leaving my son for collateral."
She looked at him. He winked at her. She turned back to me. "What else you got?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a
shopping cart at the liquor store.
When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple "Calm down"
in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.
I called my stock broker this morning and asked her what I should buy.
She said, "Canned goods and ammo."
When does a joke become a dad joke ?
When it goes away and never comes back.
Stop the jokes about blacks and Mexicans.
If you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
There are two types of people on the internet.
Those who like cliffhangers and......
Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today and thought it was weird.
Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."
Just remember, when the jury is deciding between
premeditated murder and manslaughter...it's the thought that counts.
You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime
because their cells are much neater than the other prisoners
Proud to announce my dream of becoming a criminal lawyer is halfway complete!
Just working on the lawyer part now.
Just read a fascinating book about an immortal dog.
It was impossible to put down.
I got a laceration on my funny bone.
The doc says I'll be in stitches for a few weeks.
This week a Scots woman set a world record in sheep shearing after shearing 517 of them in nine hours.
Spectators say the record number would've been higher but the counting stopped when the judges fell asleep.
A policeman came up to me and said ‘My sniffer dog tells me you are on drugs’
I replied ‘I’m on drugs? You’re the one talking to a dog!’
Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF@iFIB
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