People keep telling me apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
You know what they say about cliffhangers......
If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people...
Teacher: "What have you decided to draw ?"
Little Johnny: "I'm drawing God."
Teacher: "But no one knows what God looks like."
Johnny: "They will in a minute."
George had been a waiter all his life.
After he died, his wife returned to his restaurant with a psychic to try contacting him in the spirit world. The psychic went into a trance and soon the wife thought she could sense her husbands presence.
"George, George, is that you?" asked his wife
"Yes, it's me," said a faint voice.
"Come closer, George, I can hardly hear you," she said.
"Sorry," came the reply, "that's not my table."
How's your new job as a night watchman?
I'm really good at it. The slightest noise wakes me up.
Polish hammer throw athlete disqualified at Olympics...................................
...........................................for using ball-peen hammer.
Sad to relate..............................
In the men's steeplechase final, again this Olympics...............................................................................
...................they failed to catch the steeple.
Wife: before we were married you used to give me expensive gifts
Husband:yea so
Wife:why don’t you do it anymore
Husband: do you see a fisherman giving worms to a fish after catching it!!
A reporter was sent to give an interview with one of the oldest men in town, the reporter asks him how old are you? The old man says, I’m 96, the reporter asks what you attribute your longevity to, the old man says, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t mess around with bad women! Just then he hears a loud bang from upstairs, the reporter asks what was that? The old man says, OH that was dad he’s drunk again!!
Merve says to his girlfriend, I can’t marry you my family is totally against it!
Girlfriend says who are they to stop us?
Merve says my wife and 2 kids!!
My wife and I can never agree on vacations
I want to go to an exotic island and stay in a 5-star hotel,
and she wants to come with me!!
Linda goes to the doctor, and she says, my husband is talking in his sleep have you got something to cure that?
The doctor says, give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake!!
What’s the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife ?
At least the man has a chance of winning the lottery!!
Why is it ?
A woman can argue for 3 straight hours, but 2 minutes into a blow job, all of a sudden her jaw hurts.
Wife ( coming home from shopping ):
"Dammit, the rain got me all wet."
Me: "Really ? You get turned on by the weirdest shit !"
Tropical storm Debby blows cocaine..
Tropical storm Debby blew over $ 1 million worth of cocaine onto beach in Florida.
That's a lot of blow Debby blew.
Grandpa to grandson:
"How many times do I have to tell you not to slide down grandma's boobs !"
Sign seen in tavern mens room...
We aim to please... You aim too, please.
Say hello to my little friend.
Great movie line.
Horrible first date line.
I'm living life dangerously.
Tonight I'm taking both a sleeping pill and a laxative.
If someone made an action figure of me.
The box would would have to specify 'action not included'
Source:
SHORENUFFSTUFF at ihub
You know what they say about cliffhangers......
If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people...
Teacher: "What have you decided to draw ?"
Little Johnny: "I'm drawing God."
Teacher: "But no one knows what God looks like."
Johnny: "They will in a minute."
George had been a waiter all his life.
After he died, his wife returned to his restaurant with a psychic to try contacting him in the spirit world. The psychic went into a trance and soon the wife thought she could sense her husbands presence.
"George, George, is that you?" asked his wife
"Yes, it's me," said a faint voice.
"Come closer, George, I can hardly hear you," she said.
"Sorry," came the reply, "that's not my table."
How's your new job as a night watchman?
I'm really good at it. The slightest noise wakes me up.
Polish hammer throw athlete disqualified at Olympics...................................
...........................................for using ball-peen hammer.
Sad to relate..............................
In the men's steeplechase final, again this Olympics...............................................................................
...................they failed to catch the steeple.
Wife: before we were married you used to give me expensive gifts
Husband:yea so
Wife:why don’t you do it anymore
Husband: do you see a fisherman giving worms to a fish after catching it!!
A reporter was sent to give an interview with one of the oldest men in town, the reporter asks him how old are you? The old man says, I’m 96, the reporter asks what you attribute your longevity to, the old man says, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t mess around with bad women! Just then he hears a loud bang from upstairs, the reporter asks what was that? The old man says, OH that was dad he’s drunk again!!
Merve says to his girlfriend, I can’t marry you my family is totally against it!
Girlfriend says who are they to stop us?
Merve says my wife and 2 kids!!
My wife and I can never agree on vacations
I want to go to an exotic island and stay in a 5-star hotel,
and she wants to come with me!!
Linda goes to the doctor, and she says, my husband is talking in his sleep have you got something to cure that?
The doctor says, give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake!!
What’s the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife ?
At least the man has a chance of winning the lottery!!
Why is it ?
A woman can argue for 3 straight hours, but 2 minutes into a blow job, all of a sudden her jaw hurts.
Wife ( coming home from shopping ):
"Dammit, the rain got me all wet."
Me: "Really ? You get turned on by the weirdest shit !"
Tropical storm Debby blows cocaine..
Tropical storm Debby blew over $ 1 million worth of cocaine onto beach in Florida.
That's a lot of blow Debby blew.
Grandpa to grandson:
"How many times do I have to tell you not to slide down grandma's boobs !"
Sign seen in tavern mens room...
We aim to please... You aim too, please.
Say hello to my little friend.
Great movie line.
Horrible first date line.
I'm living life dangerously.
Tonight I'm taking both a sleeping pill and a laxative.
If someone made an action figure of me.
The box would would have to specify 'action not included'
Source:
SHORENUFFSTUFF at ihub
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