Trump's post-debate response has been leaked:
***satire***
It was a tough debate. I was debating three people. It was rigged against me. So, you can multiply my score by three. Joe took four years to prepare and could barely stand up. I was like a soldier fighting against a batillion. One man against an army, like a force the world has never seen. Imagine that. I was fighting for you, so you don't have to fight. I think they put a pole down Sleepy Joe's back to keep him upright. They want to ban cars, Can you believe it? The radical Democrats. Dishwashers too. They are taking your water away, and now it's just a drip.
I didn't even need to prepare, even though they make the rules. Dana Bash. What a nasty woman! She only asked me difficult questions. Bash the Trash, that's what I call her. Tapper---what a useless son of a B. I won't say it. I'm too polite to say it, but you know what I mean. And did you notice Sleepy Joe fiddling with his ear? Oh you did! I'm not going to say they fed him the answers, but that's what everyone is saying.
Then they rigged the polls that said Sleepy Joe won because they don't like the truth. Yes, folks, the communists are taking over. It's called Bidenflation. It's called Word War 2. Remember that word. I have the best words. Yes, those polls were rigged. Fake News! It's called Fake News. Everyone knows it. Even leading Democrats have said I won. Even the radical left say I won. I had a guy come up to me, and he said 'Thank you, Mr Trump for what you did for me and my family.' I told him to look at my battle scars. Yes scars on my beautiful body. That's what the radical left Democrats did to me. And I took it for you. For all of you.
There was a poll that put me 20 points ahead. Yes folks, 20 points ahead, but they hide that. Nobody is allowed to see it. I got 100% in a test my doctor gave me. Remember, I said they multiply the score by three. Sleepy Joe won't even take the test. I wonder why. Many, many Democrats have said that I won and the polls were rigged. It's the only way they can win. Windmills cause cancer, but you're not allowed to say it. Did you see how Bash the Trash cut me
off?"
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100219059742
10. All that needs to be done to make it more authentic
Is to cut off each sentence after the first five words
***satire***
It was a tough debate. I was debating three people. It was rigged against me. So, you can multiply my score by three. Joe took four years to prepare and could barely stand up. I was like a soldier fighting against a batillion. One man against an army, like a force the world has never seen. Imagine that. I was fighting for you, so you don't have to fight. I think they put a pole down Sleepy Joe's back to keep him upright. They want to ban cars, Can you believe it? The radical Democrats. Dishwashers too. They are taking your water away, and now it's just a drip.
I didn't even need to prepare, even though they make the rules. Dana Bash. What a nasty woman! She only asked me difficult questions. Bash the Trash, that's what I call her. Tapper---what a useless son of a B. I won't say it. I'm too polite to say it, but you know what I mean. And did you notice Sleepy Joe fiddling with his ear? Oh you did! I'm not going to say they fed him the answers, but that's what everyone is saying.
Then they rigged the polls that said Sleepy Joe won because they don't like the truth. Yes, folks, the communists are taking over. It's called Bidenflation. It's called Word War 2. Remember that word. I have the best words. Yes, those polls were rigged. Fake News! It's called Fake News. Everyone knows it. Even leading Democrats have said I won. Even the radical left say I won. I had a guy come up to me, and he said 'Thank you, Mr Trump for what you did for me and my family.' I told him to look at my battle scars. Yes scars on my beautiful body. That's what the radical left Democrats did to me. And I took it for you. For all of you.
There was a poll that put me 20 points ahead. Yes folks, 20 points ahead, but they hide that. Nobody is allowed to see it. I got 100% in a test my doctor gave me. Remember, I said they multiply the score by three. Sleepy Joe won't even take the test. I wonder why. Many, many Democrats have said that I won and the polls were rigged. It's the only way they can win. Windmills cause cancer, but you're not allowed to say it. Did you see how Bash the Trash cut me
off?"
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100219059742
10. All that needs to be done to make it more authentic
Is to cut off each sentence after the first five words
