STUN GUN a must read..greatPocket Taser Stun Gun, a

New Post Public Reply Private Reply Replies (0) Message Board

Mar 24, 2013 at 8:36 PM

STUN GUN a must read..great

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A

guy who purchased one admitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn

Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our

15th anniversary and I was looking for a little

something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across

was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The

effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived,

with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,

allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it

home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn

thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I

pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal

surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of

electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what

that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay,

so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to

myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two

triple-A batteries, right ? !!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on

intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading

the directions and thinking that I really needed to

try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a

fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is

such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this

thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,

I did want some assurance that it would work as

advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top

with my reading glasses perched delicately on the

bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser

in another. The directions said that a one-second

burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a

two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms

and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second

burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on

the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting

the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device

measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in

circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two

itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,

"no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but

I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie

looking on with her head cocked to one side as to

say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second

burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt

all that bad..

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for

heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,

pushed the button, and .........

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side

door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed

us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal

position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,

both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found,

with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest

position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was

standing over me making meowing sounds I had never

heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to

herself, "Do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself

with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such

thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You

will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged

from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the

floor. A three-second burst would be considered

conservative.

SON-OF-A-... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so

later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing

at that point), collected my wits (what little I had

left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent

reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

How did they get up there???

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still

twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with

Novocain,and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still

looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant

reward for their safe return. Still in shock.

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly

threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being

stupid".

Newer

Older

Scroll down for more posts ▼

Top 10 Most Recent News Articles

Goodyear's Strategic Shift: New Leadership, New Path

Big Shoes, Bigger Expectations Who's steering the Goodyear ship now that Mark Stewart's out the door? Roger Wood's the name, interim CEO is the game. Don't fret too much—the board's hustling to nail down a permanent top dog. But this isn't a musical chairs game; it's a full-on strategic shift. Goodyear's forming committees, juggling ideas, and ripping through their...

Celebrating Science with Southeastern Tile's Sponsorship

Crafting Pathways and Fostering Curiosity In this world of rapid change and relentless innovation, supporting education—especially in science and technology—is like buying a piece of the future. And, boy, is Southeastern Tile Connection onto something with that. They've stepped up as an Exploration Sponsor for the Asheville Museum of Science's (AMOS) annual gala,...

PVA Unveils Hotel Accessibility Guide for Disabled Travelers

Is Your Hotel Truly Accessible? Time to Find Out. Another day, another step toward making the world a bit more navigable for folks with mobility challenges—and it's about time the hospitality sector caught up. Today, Paralyzed Veterans of America (PVA) rolled out the first volume of their 'Best Practices in Hotel Accessibility Guide.' Think of it as a roadmap for hotels...

Guizhou's Mountain Conference Pushes Tourism Evolution

Climbing High: Guizhou's Tourism Summit The 2026 International Conference of Mountain Tourism and Outdoor Sports in Guizhou has kicked off with a heartfelt focus on merging natural allure with modern tourism. This isn't just another gathering; it's a powerhouse of international dialogue harbored right in China's dramatic landscape. Building on Unique Natural Assets...

Lauri Thompson Joins UWSN Board: A New Era Begins

Fresh Faces and New Perspectives In a move that merges legal acumen with community heart, Lauri S. Thompson of Greenberg Traurig has stepped up as a board member for the United Way of Southern Nevada (UWSN). Now, why should we care about this? Because when someone with Thompson's clout and eight-arm octopus of involvement links up with a nonprofit, things get interesting....

SpaceMap Tackles Space Traffic With AI Innovation

SpaceMap Takes Aim at the Crowded Space Above You ever look up and wonder what's hurtling above our noggins? More satellites than you can shake a stick at, that's what. And don't even start me on the debris floating around. This ain't just rocket science anymore; it's a crowded dance floor, and someone's gotta manage it. Enter SpaceMap, a plucky South Korean startup that...

Summit Midstream's Q3 Financial Results Signal Growth

Summit Midstream Delivers Strong Q3 Results Good grief, you'd think the grease is sliding off the griddle with these numbers. Summit Midstream Corporation (NYSE:SMC) is putting up figures that ought to make even the most poker-faced of traders crack a smile. We've got a net income sitting pretty at $15.9 million, and an Adjusted EBITDA that's climbed up to $70.7 million....

Dutch Consumers Open to Recycling, Trust Lags Behind

Dutch Consumers: Committed But Skeptical You think positive outlooks on clothing recycling mean business is booming, but scratch beneath the surface, and you'll find over 80% of Dutch consumers keen on recycling—but half of them think their efforts might be going to waste. Reju, a trailblazer in textile regeneration, gathered insights from more than a thousand Dutch...

Blurry Vision Explained: Beyond Just a Lens Issue

Why Your Vision Might Be Blurry: It's Not Always Simple Dr. Spencer Franz isn’t just another face behind an optometry chart. He’s tackling a topic as blurry as it is relatable—your vision. You'd think a simple tweak of your glasses script might do the trick, but surprise, surprise, vision issues are sneakier than that. Changes in prescriptions are a dime a dozen,...

Edgewise Therapeutics' Investor Play: What's the Buzz?

Edgewise Therapeutics Maps Out Investor Terrain Alright, Edgewise Therapeutics, folks. They're shaking things up, and I mean that literally and figuratively. This clinical-stage cardiac biotech isn’t just sitting on its hands; they're out there hustling at the Guggenheim 3rd Annual Healthcare Innovation Conference. Buckle up, because the heart of their...