STUN GUN   a must read..greatPocket Taser Stun Gun, a

STUN GUN   a must read..great

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A

guy who purchased one admitted this:



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn

Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our

15th anniversary and I was looking for a little

something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across

was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The

effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived,

with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,

allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....



WAY TOO COOL!



Long story short, I bought the device and brought it

home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn

thing and pushed the button. Nothing!



I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I

pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal

surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of

electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.





AWESOME!!!



Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what

that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay,

so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to

myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two

triple-A batteries, right ? !!



There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on

intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading

the directions and thinking that I really needed to

try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a

fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is

such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this

thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,

I did want some assurance that it would work as

advertised.



Am I wrong?



So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top

with my reading glasses perched delicately on the

bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser

in another. The directions said that a one-second

burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a

two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms

and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second

burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on

the ground like a fish out of water.



Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting

the batteries.



All the while I'm looking at this little device

measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in

circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two

itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,

"no possible way!"



What happened next is almost beyond description, but

I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie

looking on with her head cocked to one side as to

say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second

burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt

all that bad..



I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for

heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,

pushed the button, and .........



HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!



I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side

door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed

us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal

position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,

both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found,

with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest

position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was

standing over me making meowing sounds I had never

heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to

herself, "Do it again, do it again!"



Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself

with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such

thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You

will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged

from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the

floor. A three-second burst would be considered

conservative.



SON-OF-A-... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so

later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing

at that point), collected my wits (what little I had

left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent

reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

How did they get up there???



My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still

twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with

Novocain,and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still

looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant

reward for their safe return. Still in shock.



P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly

threatens me with it!



"If you think Education is difficult, try being

stupid".