Congratulations, Speaker Scal- Excuse Me, Speaker Jord- Y’know What? Screw It.
Friday, October 13th, 2023
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal
https://showercapblog.com/congratulations-spe...-screw-it/
Boy, we really covered ourselves in glory this week, didn’t we? As a species? Hey evolution, if you’re listening, next time ‘round, let the sense of right and wrong simmer a little longer, before you start distributing opposable thumbs.
Not since she swapped her family name for a fleeting sniff of power has RNC Chairdolt Ronna Definitelynotromney seen such a “great opportunity” as the one presented by Hamas’ barbaric terrorist incursion into Israel. I suppose that’s just the sort of thing one says once the moral decay finally rots out the last remaining corner of one’s soul.
https://www.meidastouch.com/news/rnc-chair-de...epublicans
Republicans certainly seized the “opportunity,” giddily spreading lies like “It took Biden days to say he stands with Israel,” and “Biden personally delivered $6 billion in unmarked bills to Gaza in a ‘76 Camaro.” Wingnut media spent one particularly fruitful afternoon collectively pretending the White House calling a “lid” meant “Joe n’ Hunter got an 8 ball and rented all the Police Academy movies while the world burned.”
https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-shamed-...rs-2023-10
If you’re trying to figure out what’s actually going on in the world, stay the fuck off (the hellsite formerly known as) Twitter, now that the world’s second-most-destructive billionaire narcissist has transformed the once essential source of up-to-the-moment, on the ground news into an unnavigable quagmire of malignant misinformation.
Elon himself elected to steer his 160 million followers to known liars and anti-Semites, which he has instructed his lawyers to blame on the ADL.
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/09/06/adl-ceo-musks...wsuit.html
Seems like a particularly healthy time for Texas Republicans to grapple with the not-at-all-difficult question of whether or not it is desirable to associate with, accept political donations from, and/or plan miniature golf outings alongside white supremacists.
Actually, Republicans’re flunking this extremely basic test of fundamental human decency all over the place, as demonstrated by the following roundup of totally normal, exceptionally healthy, not-at-all-terrifying headlines:
White supremacist group delivers show of force for Franklin mayoral candidate Gabrielle Hanson
Charlie Kirk hosts white nationalist writer Steve Sailer to attack minorities
Ex-Trump official called for purging Jews from media using pseudonym
And my personal favorite:
Trump Doral event with Eric Trump will feature a Hitler-promoting antisemite who killed someone
https://www.mediamatters.org/eric-trump/trump...semite-who
Now, as a general rule, I don’t like to shit on the Left here, but I need to take a minute to shit on the Left here, because many of the self-proclaimed progessivest progressives in all the land decided to climb atop the highest of horses to declare that Murdering Children is Good, Actually, Because Colonization or Some Shit, and Anyway How Many Children’re We Really Talking About Here, which is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad take. Y’all can cleanse the entire length of my colon with your paraglider memes.
Praising terrorists looks like lonely work, (as it fucking well should be) but you little creeps can cuddle up under the covers with your new bedfellow: Donald J. Trump, who agreed that Hamas and Hezbollah are “very smart,” in between rants about whale-killing windmills and Hannibal Lecter’s endorsement. You deserve each other.
Emotionally unstable freshman GOP Congressthug Derrick Van Orden directed his latest ragegasm at Biden Administration Israel briefers, rather than teenagers, as has been his habit, which I guess is what passes for growth in MAGA culture.
In such batguano-encrusted times, one thing that sure would come in handy is a Congress capable of passing laws or confirming appointments or other such Congressy things, but alas, there’re far too many Republicans for that.
Yes, it’s SpeakerBowl 2023: Part Deux in the House That Gaetz Broke, and while this boondoggle certainly would’ve been plenty insufferable even without Nancy Mace triggering flashbacks of mandatory high school Hawthorne, you have to respect her devotion to traditional Republican self-beclowning rituals.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/nancy-mace-sca...ast%20week.
Steve “David Duke without the whip count” Scalise defeated Gym Jordan on the initial closed-door secret ballot, which might’ve meant something in a culture less devoted to the principle of loser supremacy. J ordan dead-enders found Scalise’s history with white supremacists enticing, but ultimately decided only an election-denying, subpoena-defying abuse enabler would do, so Steve scampered away without putting up a fight. Leadership!
Jordan narrowly edged late entrant Congressman Alreadyforgothisname (R-Someplace, surely) in a second round of voting on Friday afternoon, only to faceplant on the follow-up ballot, where he asked his colleagues to please, please refrain from doing to him what he just did Scalise, falling a whopping 65 votes short of the 217 required to win a majority on the House floor, which is frankly the most encouraging news to come out of the GOP since Arlen Specter switched parties.
Anyway, they’ve gone home for the weekend, to plot against one another, and maybe flip through The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Running a Congressional Majority…those that can read, anyhow.
(Meanwhile, Kevin McCarthy lurks in the background, holding a half-eaten box of stale Valentine’s chocolates, upon which he has scribbled “Settle 4 Me Maybe?”)
Apparent baby thief George Santos landed himself a superseding indictment, and now faces a nearly Trumpworthy 23 federal counts, including wire fraud, access device fraud, sweater fraud, falsifying records, the illegal transfer of delicious breakfast cereal to the Trix Rabbit, identity theft, and conspiring with Nicolas Cage to steal the Declaration of Independence. A few New York Republicans finally introduced a resolution to expel the little twerp, but his party’s more likely to approve one allowing members to complete their terms from prison.
Speaking of superseding indictments, seems soon-to-be-ex-New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez operated as an unregistered agent of the Egyptian government while chairing the Foreign Relations Committee. Allegedly. Unlike in certain political parties I could mention, it appears Bob’s (alleged) crimes’re having a negative impact on his future political prospects. What a concept!
In Arkansas, Lecterngate continues to pick up steam, amidst rumors the podium in question once briefly served as a temporary resting spot for a public library copy of Gender Queer.
Well, after his blathering quackery failed to gain traction in the non-death cult party’s primary, RFK Jr. dropped out to run as an independent, and suddenly all the right-wing ratfuckers realized a Jill Stein, But For Anti-Vaxxers option on the ballot would only divide the coalition of the deranged, so out came the knives. I woulda stopped creating Frankensteins after the first one, fellas, but that’s just me.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/...rn-rfk-jr/
Condolences to all the Hurdamaniacs out there who won’t get to coquettishly bat their eyes at the precinct captains from the Haley and Burgum campaigns during the Iowa caucuses. That would’ve been a really special night for all seven of you.
So, yeah…it’s pretty fucking gross out there, and I hope you and your loved ones figure out some way to stay safe n’ sane.
Friday, October 13th, 2023
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal
https://showercapblog.com/congratulations-spe...-screw-it/
Boy, we really covered ourselves in glory this week, didn’t we? As a species? Hey evolution, if you’re listening, next time ‘round, let the sense of right and wrong simmer a little longer, before you start distributing opposable thumbs.
Not since she swapped her family name for a fleeting sniff of power has RNC Chairdolt Ronna Definitelynotromney seen such a “great opportunity” as the one presented by Hamas’ barbaric terrorist incursion into Israel. I suppose that’s just the sort of thing one says once the moral decay finally rots out the last remaining corner of one’s soul.
https://www.meidastouch.com/news/rnc-chair-de...epublicans
Republicans certainly seized the “opportunity,” giddily spreading lies like “It took Biden days to say he stands with Israel,” and “Biden personally delivered $6 billion in unmarked bills to Gaza in a ‘76 Camaro.” Wingnut media spent one particularly fruitful afternoon collectively pretending the White House calling a “lid” meant “Joe n’ Hunter got an 8 ball and rented all the Police Academy movies while the world burned.”
https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-shamed-...rs-2023-10
If you’re trying to figure out what’s actually going on in the world, stay the fuck off (the hellsite formerly known as) Twitter, now that the world’s second-most-destructive billionaire narcissist has transformed the once essential source of up-to-the-moment, on the ground news into an unnavigable quagmire of malignant misinformation.
Elon himself elected to steer his 160 million followers to known liars and anti-Semites, which he has instructed his lawyers to blame on the ADL.
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/09/06/adl-ceo-musks...wsuit.html
Seems like a particularly healthy time for Texas Republicans to grapple with the not-at-all-difficult question of whether or not it is desirable to associate with, accept political donations from, and/or plan miniature golf outings alongside white supremacists.
Actually, Republicans’re flunking this extremely basic test of fundamental human decency all over the place, as demonstrated by the following roundup of totally normal, exceptionally healthy, not-at-all-terrifying headlines:
White supremacist group delivers show of force for Franklin mayoral candidate Gabrielle Hanson
Charlie Kirk hosts white nationalist writer Steve Sailer to attack minorities
Ex-Trump official called for purging Jews from media using pseudonym
And my personal favorite:
Trump Doral event with Eric Trump will feature a Hitler-promoting antisemite who killed someone
https://www.mediamatters.org/eric-trump/trump...semite-who
Now, as a general rule, I don’t like to shit on the Left here, but I need to take a minute to shit on the Left here, because many of the self-proclaimed progessivest progressives in all the land decided to climb atop the highest of horses to declare that Murdering Children is Good, Actually, Because Colonization or Some Shit, and Anyway How Many Children’re We Really Talking About Here, which is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad take. Y’all can cleanse the entire length of my colon with your paraglider memes.
Praising terrorists looks like lonely work, (as it fucking well should be) but you little creeps can cuddle up under the covers with your new bedfellow: Donald J. Trump, who agreed that Hamas and Hezbollah are “very smart,” in between rants about whale-killing windmills and Hannibal Lecter’s endorsement. You deserve each other.
Emotionally unstable freshman GOP Congressthug Derrick Van Orden directed his latest ragegasm at Biden Administration Israel briefers, rather than teenagers, as has been his habit, which I guess is what passes for growth in MAGA culture.
In such batguano-encrusted times, one thing that sure would come in handy is a Congress capable of passing laws or confirming appointments or other such Congressy things, but alas, there’re far too many Republicans for that.
Yes, it’s SpeakerBowl 2023: Part Deux in the House That Gaetz Broke, and while this boondoggle certainly would’ve been plenty insufferable even without Nancy Mace triggering flashbacks of mandatory high school Hawthorne, you have to respect her devotion to traditional Republican self-beclowning rituals.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/nancy-mace-sca...ast%20week.
Steve “David Duke without the whip count” Scalise defeated Gym Jordan on the initial closed-door secret ballot, which might’ve meant something in a culture less devoted to the principle of loser supremacy. J ordan dead-enders found Scalise’s history with white supremacists enticing, but ultimately decided only an election-denying, subpoena-defying abuse enabler would do, so Steve scampered away without putting up a fight. Leadership!
Jordan narrowly edged late entrant Congressman Alreadyforgothisname (R-Someplace, surely) in a second round of voting on Friday afternoon, only to faceplant on the follow-up ballot, where he asked his colleagues to please, please refrain from doing to him what he just did Scalise, falling a whopping 65 votes short of the 217 required to win a majority on the House floor, which is frankly the most encouraging news to come out of the GOP since Arlen Specter switched parties.
Anyway, they’ve gone home for the weekend, to plot against one another, and maybe flip through The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Running a Congressional Majority…those that can read, anyhow.
(Meanwhile, Kevin McCarthy lurks in the background, holding a half-eaten box of stale Valentine’s chocolates, upon which he has scribbled “Settle 4 Me Maybe?”)
Apparent baby thief George Santos landed himself a superseding indictment, and now faces a nearly Trumpworthy 23 federal counts, including wire fraud, access device fraud, sweater fraud, falsifying records, the illegal transfer of delicious breakfast cereal to the Trix Rabbit, identity theft, and conspiring with Nicolas Cage to steal the Declaration of Independence. A few New York Republicans finally introduced a resolution to expel the little twerp, but his party’s more likely to approve one allowing members to complete their terms from prison.
Speaking of superseding indictments, seems soon-to-be-ex-New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez operated as an unregistered agent of the Egyptian government while chairing the Foreign Relations Committee. Allegedly. Unlike in certain political parties I could mention, it appears Bob’s (alleged) crimes’re having a negative impact on his future political prospects. What a concept!
In Arkansas, Lecterngate continues to pick up steam, amidst rumors the podium in question once briefly served as a temporary resting spot for a public library copy of Gender Queer.
Well, after his blathering quackery failed to gain traction in the non-death cult party’s primary, RFK Jr. dropped out to run as an independent, and suddenly all the right-wing ratfuckers realized a Jill Stein, But For Anti-Vaxxers option on the ballot would only divide the coalition of the deranged, so out came the knives. I woulda stopped creating Frankensteins after the first one, fellas, but that’s just me.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/...rn-rfk-jr/
Condolences to all the Hurdamaniacs out there who won’t get to coquettishly bat their eyes at the precinct captains from the Haley and Burgum campaigns during the Iowa caucuses. That would’ve been a really special night for all seven of you.
So, yeah…it’s pretty fucking gross out there, and I hope you and your loved ones figure out some way to stay safe n’ sane.
