Reprised, just for you. Everything old is new again. And denying that there is a rule of law holding former presidents accountable for their crimes count 'em, FOUR f'ing indictments, is the very definition of a banana republic.
Back to Alt-Realitystan with you.
The Capitol Riot Was Actually Mostly Hugs, Tucker Carlson Told Me So
Friday, March 10th, 2023
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 27 comments
https://showercapblog.com/the-capitol-riot-wa...old-me-so/
Y’know, I don’t mind struggling over the soul of the nation, but I confess I’m beginning to resent the quality of the opposition. It feels like I’ve been trapped in a checkout line, between a shrieking toddler and a lady with an inch-thick stack of expired coupons, for like, a thousand years.
Well, thanks to Tucker Carlson’s intrepid investigative journalism, America finally understands the truth the lying lamestream media has attempted to hide for years: the so-called “Capitol Riot” was, in actuality, simply a matter of a single, eccentrically dressed young man trying to deliver a basket of homemade muffins to Nancy Pelosi.
And if some random apostate Vice President happened to get lynched in the process, well, such things have been known to happen, in the hazardous world of muffin conveyance.
https://www.factcheck.org/2023/03/explaining-...sentation/
Forgive my rudeness, Fox Nation, but I gotta ask: how in the name of Four Seasons Total Landscaping are you dopes still falling for this? Do these television personalities you trust so blindly have to shit directly down your throat for you to recognize how deeply they disdain you?
Tucker not only lies to you, he hates your precious Trump, hates him passionately, which is altogether reasonable of him if you ask me, though I certainly respect your right, as a rube and a cultist, to feel differently.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/08/media/fox-news...index.html
Last week, I said I didn’t have the strength for CPAC, and now that it’s done…can you blame me? CPAC is always gross, but now that it’s turned into the saddest possible version of itself, amidst the electoral setbacks and groping allegations and what have you, it’s just hard to look it. Almost robs you of any schadenfreude.
Like, Kari Lake referred to Steve Bannon as a “stud muffin” and I don’t think it’s fair that I know that. And now you’re mad at me for telling you, but fuck you, the world must share my pain. You couldn’t stop yourself, could you, it’s like “don’t think about elephants,” you scream at your brain not to conjure the image, that tangle of ginsweat-soaked shirt layers writhing obscenely in soft lighting…y’know what? Let’s talk about something else.
Like Michael Knowles, and his call to eradicate “transgenderism.” The way right wing culture has coalesced around brazen, unapologetic anti-trans hate over the last year or so is one of the scariest, ugliest things I’ve ever seen. I honestly have no idea how to write about it here.
Of course the main event was the Dotard himself, with the REO-Speedwagon-on-the-state-fair-circuit version of the American carnage speech, and if there’s any substantial difference between a game show host who thinks exercise is bad for you claiming Joe Biden hid his border wall, and a supposedly spectral cactus decorator saying the wind told her the 2020 election was stolen, I can’t identify it.
He’s still hacking up the same feeble lies about crowd size, by the way, which only happens in the coolest cults. “I am your retribution,” he pledged to the handful of assembled dead-enders. Fuck you, you don’t deserve retribution. Nobody wronged you, you’re just losers.
Excellent timing on that pledge to stay in the presidential race if you’re indicted, though. Teed that one up rather elegantly, I’d say.
I don’t wanna write about CPAC anymore. I wanna write about the Lieutenant Governor of the great state of Tennessee. His name is Randy McNally, which is fucking amazing, and he is having himself a week, y’all. One of the damndest things I’ve ever seen. Zounds.
Larry Hogan broke a lotta hearts this week, announcing he will not seek the Republican Party’s presidential nomination, which should allow Chris Sununu sufficient time to develop elaborate, individualized courtship rituals for all sixty-two voters in the GOP’s “normal lane.”
The real action remains in the Is It Time to Put the Armbands On Yet lane, so let’s check in on Ron DeSantis’ ongoing audition for the Cult45 high priesthood.
Yikes. Yiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
Florida Republicans are pulling enough fashy shit for an entire Family Feud category. “Show me six-week abortion ban!” and you get the little ding and the bar turns over, between ones that say “attempting to outlaw gender studies” and “assault on First Amendment rights so extreme even Newt Gingrich says you’re nuts.” Boy, that joke was surprisingly difficult to pull off in prose form.
Yeah, it’s a real specific record Ron’s carving out for himself, and I don’t think it’s going to play as well as he imagines. Gazing upon his “my book ban is widely misunderstood as a book ban” tour, one doesn’t exactly see the seeds of a movement.
Donnie One-Term’s VP shortlist allegedly contains Kari Lake; sounds like they’ve got binders full of psychopaths down at Mar-a-Lago. The “stud muffin” thing alone should be disqualifying…that attack ad practically throws up on itself.
There’s also buzz around Sarah Slanders, who just signed a bill rolling back child labor protections. Yeah, that’s something else Republicans do now. Soon as we get rid of these child labor laws, America’ll be all kindsa great again, you’ll see. 31 flavors of great again. Make America a Dickens Novel.
Meanwhile, West Virginia Republicans blocked a child marriage ban, because there’s actually some fairly wacky fine print in those family values they’re always going on about.
Back to Alt-Realitystan with you.
The Capitol Riot Was Actually Mostly Hugs, Tucker Carlson Told Me So
Friday, March 10th, 2023
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 27 comments
https://showercapblog.com/the-capitol-riot-wa...old-me-so/
Y’know, I don’t mind struggling over the soul of the nation, but I confess I’m beginning to resent the quality of the opposition. It feels like I’ve been trapped in a checkout line, between a shrieking toddler and a lady with an inch-thick stack of expired coupons, for like, a thousand years.
Well, thanks to Tucker Carlson’s intrepid investigative journalism, America finally understands the truth the lying lamestream media has attempted to hide for years: the so-called “Capitol Riot” was, in actuality, simply a matter of a single, eccentrically dressed young man trying to deliver a basket of homemade muffins to Nancy Pelosi.
And if some random apostate Vice President happened to get lynched in the process, well, such things have been known to happen, in the hazardous world of muffin conveyance.
https://www.factcheck.org/2023/03/explaining-...sentation/
Forgive my rudeness, Fox Nation, but I gotta ask: how in the name of Four Seasons Total Landscaping are you dopes still falling for this? Do these television personalities you trust so blindly have to shit directly down your throat for you to recognize how deeply they disdain you?
Tucker not only lies to you, he hates your precious Trump, hates him passionately, which is altogether reasonable of him if you ask me, though I certainly respect your right, as a rube and a cultist, to feel differently.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/08/media/fox-news...index.html
Last week, I said I didn’t have the strength for CPAC, and now that it’s done…can you blame me? CPAC is always gross, but now that it’s turned into the saddest possible version of itself, amidst the electoral setbacks and groping allegations and what have you, it’s just hard to look it. Almost robs you of any schadenfreude.
Like, Kari Lake referred to Steve Bannon as a “stud muffin” and I don’t think it’s fair that I know that. And now you’re mad at me for telling you, but fuck you, the world must share my pain. You couldn’t stop yourself, could you, it’s like “don’t think about elephants,” you scream at your brain not to conjure the image, that tangle of ginsweat-soaked shirt layers writhing obscenely in soft lighting…y’know what? Let’s talk about something else.
Like Michael Knowles, and his call to eradicate “transgenderism.” The way right wing culture has coalesced around brazen, unapologetic anti-trans hate over the last year or so is one of the scariest, ugliest things I’ve ever seen. I honestly have no idea how to write about it here.
Of course the main event was the Dotard himself, with the REO-Speedwagon-on-the-state-fair-circuit version of the American carnage speech, and if there’s any substantial difference between a game show host who thinks exercise is bad for you claiming Joe Biden hid his border wall, and a supposedly spectral cactus decorator saying the wind told her the 2020 election was stolen, I can’t identify it.
He’s still hacking up the same feeble lies about crowd size, by the way, which only happens in the coolest cults. “I am your retribution,” he pledged to the handful of assembled dead-enders. Fuck you, you don’t deserve retribution. Nobody wronged you, you’re just losers.
Excellent timing on that pledge to stay in the presidential race if you’re indicted, though. Teed that one up rather elegantly, I’d say.
I don’t wanna write about CPAC anymore. I wanna write about the Lieutenant Governor of the great state of Tennessee. His name is Randy McNally, which is fucking amazing, and he is having himself a week, y’all. One of the damndest things I’ve ever seen. Zounds.
Larry Hogan broke a lotta hearts this week, announcing he will not seek the Republican Party’s presidential nomination, which should allow Chris Sununu sufficient time to develop elaborate, individualized courtship rituals for all sixty-two voters in the GOP’s “normal lane.”
The real action remains in the Is It Time to Put the Armbands On Yet lane, so let’s check in on Ron DeSantis’ ongoing audition for the Cult45 high priesthood.
Yikes. Yiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
Florida Republicans are pulling enough fashy shit for an entire Family Feud category. “Show me six-week abortion ban!” and you get the little ding and the bar turns over, between ones that say “attempting to outlaw gender studies” and “assault on First Amendment rights so extreme even Newt Gingrich says you’re nuts.” Boy, that joke was surprisingly difficult to pull off in prose form.
Yeah, it’s a real specific record Ron’s carving out for himself, and I don’t think it’s going to play as well as he imagines. Gazing upon his “my book ban is widely misunderstood as a book ban” tour, one doesn’t exactly see the seeds of a movement.
Donnie One-Term’s VP shortlist allegedly contains Kari Lake; sounds like they’ve got binders full of psychopaths down at Mar-a-Lago. The “stud muffin” thing alone should be disqualifying…that attack ad practically throws up on itself.
There’s also buzz around Sarah Slanders, who just signed a bill rolling back child labor protections. Yeah, that’s something else Republicans do now. Soon as we get rid of these child labor laws, America’ll be all kindsa great again, you’ll see. 31 flavors of great again. Make America a Dickens Novel.
Meanwhile, West Virginia Republicans blocked a child marriage ban, because there’s actually some fairly wacky fine print in those family values they’re always going on about.
