his is a long one.
Day to day living can consume everything around you like some slow developing fog. Eventually, you forget the smallest of things that should bring immense pleasure and happiness.
When you are smacked upside your head with your own mortality, perspective changes rapidly.
Getting my affairs in order after finding out that I could go any day, I experienced many things denial - how could this happen to me? A depression that nearly made me collapse into some sobbing mess. I put on the strongest face I had and tried to lock all emotions into my box as I had before in life push through.
I was always the one, least in my mind, there to protect and provide wherever things got tough. This time I was in need of the help from not only my family and friends but literally dozens of complete strangers. I had to put my life in their hands.
When I saw that oxygen mask being put on my face, just a short 5 days ago, I was prepared to find out if I was going to pay for my sins or be welcomed by someone worshipped by billions of people for 1000s of years.
I can't say, but I awoke to my wife and son by my side in the time I needed them most.
Recovering the next few days in the hospital I needed help for everything. Pain was beyond excruciating, fear had me in a tight grip, but I was given a second chance, how long who knows.
Something happened when my heart was stopped and repaired, I don't know if it was a reset of sorts.
Suddenly, a deep painful breath was joy. Seeing a nurse smile was beautiful. Being woke up every 30 minutes was completely acceptable. Life was taking on a new meaning.
As the hours progressed, each bite of food was no longer something I just chewed and swallowed, but pure pleasure full of smell, tastes and textures.
Seeing my wife and son visiting was pure happiness. My son has always been a great kid, but now he was a man I am proud of in so many new ways.
Writing this while eating a bowl of the best tasting cherries ever at 3 am seems odd and new to me.
Life is short, in a instant it can be gone.
Yes, we all have day to day chores and responsibilities that we all still must do.
In the end those are a very small part of our existence.
It took me 58 years and 12 days to realize that. Enjoy your family and friends, look at the beauty around you above the chaos and confusion.
That jump start of my heart was the beginning of a new chapter in my life whether it's only a few more minutes or many years.
I intend to enjoy all of the small things just a little longer with a greater appreciation.
Thank you Tammy Jameson and Chad Jameson for all of your love and support.
Day to day living can consume everything around you like some slow developing fog. Eventually, you forget the smallest of things that should bring immense pleasure and happiness.
When you are smacked upside your head with your own mortality, perspective changes rapidly.
Getting my affairs in order after finding out that I could go any day, I experienced many things denial - how could this happen to me? A depression that nearly made me collapse into some sobbing mess. I put on the strongest face I had and tried to lock all emotions into my box as I had before in life push through.
I was always the one, least in my mind, there to protect and provide wherever things got tough. This time I was in need of the help from not only my family and friends but literally dozens of complete strangers. I had to put my life in their hands.
When I saw that oxygen mask being put on my face, just a short 5 days ago, I was prepared to find out if I was going to pay for my sins or be welcomed by someone worshipped by billions of people for 1000s of years.
I can't say, but I awoke to my wife and son by my side in the time I needed them most.
Recovering the next few days in the hospital I needed help for everything. Pain was beyond excruciating, fear had me in a tight grip, but I was given a second chance, how long who knows.
Something happened when my heart was stopped and repaired, I don't know if it was a reset of sorts.
Suddenly, a deep painful breath was joy. Seeing a nurse smile was beautiful. Being woke up every 30 minutes was completely acceptable. Life was taking on a new meaning.
As the hours progressed, each bite of food was no longer something I just chewed and swallowed, but pure pleasure full of smell, tastes and textures.
Seeing my wife and son visiting was pure happiness. My son has always been a great kid, but now he was a man I am proud of in so many new ways.
Writing this while eating a bowl of the best tasting cherries ever at 3 am seems odd and new to me.
Life is short, in a instant it can be gone.
Yes, we all have day to day chores and responsibilities that we all still must do.
In the end those are a very small part of our existence.
It took me 58 years and 12 days to realize that. Enjoy your family and friends, look at the beauty around you above the chaos and confusion.
That jump start of my heart was the beginning of a new chapter in my life whether it's only a few more minutes or many years.
I intend to enjoy all of the small things just a little longer with a greater appreciation.
Thank you Tammy Jameson and Chad Jameson for all of your love and support.
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