I was recently invited to go skydiving without a parachute.
I jumped at the chance. ( it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity )
I'm taking the wife skydiving today for her
birthday. So if you see a solar eclipse............................
I refuse to go bungee jumping..
Broken rubber brought me into this world.
I don't want broken rubber to take me out !
What's the difference between a suicidal bungee
jumper and a professional one ? How they tie off the cord.
I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I did my first nude painting yesterday.
The neighbors were pissed, but the front porch looks great!
I went to the doctor and told him that I’m having trouble ‘satisfying’ the wife.
He told me I should do what he does.
I asked, “What’s that, then?”
He said, “Earn 250k a year.”
I have a friend who worked in Chicago his entire life.
He tells me there's no problem with violence there anymore.
He's a tail gunner on a school bus
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus
but geometry is where I draw the line.
I failed a calculus class.
There were twins in the class I could not differentiate.
We live in a world where your kid can't pretend to be an Indian
but a grown man can pretend to be a woman...
What are you talking about? My two little ones play Cowboys and Indians all the time.
One is pretending to ride a horse and the other one is providing tech support.
Check out conjuctivitus.com.
It's a site for sore eyes.
If you want to know how many bees Noah had......
Check the ark hives.
I asked my grandson how to print on my computer...
He told me "It’s Ctrl-P". I told him I haven’t been able to do that for years
“I've created a new computer that is almost human."
"You mean that it can think, feel and reason just like a human would?"
"No, but when it makes a mistake it blames it on another computer."
Last night I saw a host of pale, emaciated figures with haunted eyes that showed the agony of living death.
It was my first time in a vegan restaurant.
I checked out a medical book on abdominal pain at the library.
When I got home, I noticed someone had removed the appendix.
I asked the librarian where I could find books on greases, oils and lubricants.
She suggested try the non-friction section.
Me: "Do you have any books on...................
Librarian: "Telepathy ? ...........................Yes, we do.
A homesick man on a business trip sees a café called "Mom's Café" with the slogan "Meals served just like your mother made".
He eagerly goes in.
Once inside he sees a man staring morosely at plate of unappetizing food, with middle-aged, apron-wearing waitress hovering over him, yelling: "You'll eat what's on your plate and like it, or no dessert!"
The meeting
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!”
One of the staff: “Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.”
Source:
SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib
I jumped at the chance. ( it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity )
I'm taking the wife skydiving today for her
birthday. So if you see a solar eclipse............................
I refuse to go bungee jumping..
Broken rubber brought me into this world.
I don't want broken rubber to take me out !
What's the difference between a suicidal bungee
jumper and a professional one ? How they tie off the cord.
I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I did my first nude painting yesterday.
The neighbors were pissed, but the front porch looks great!
I went to the doctor and told him that I’m having trouble ‘satisfying’ the wife.
He told me I should do what he does.
I asked, “What’s that, then?”
He said, “Earn 250k a year.”
I have a friend who worked in Chicago his entire life.
He tells me there's no problem with violence there anymore.
He's a tail gunner on a school bus
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus
but geometry is where I draw the line.
I failed a calculus class.
There were twins in the class I could not differentiate.
We live in a world where your kid can't pretend to be an Indian
but a grown man can pretend to be a woman...
What are you talking about? My two little ones play Cowboys and Indians all the time.
One is pretending to ride a horse and the other one is providing tech support.
Check out conjuctivitus.com.
It's a site for sore eyes.
If you want to know how many bees Noah had......
Check the ark hives.
I asked my grandson how to print on my computer...
He told me "It’s Ctrl-P". I told him I haven’t been able to do that for years
“I've created a new computer that is almost human."
"You mean that it can think, feel and reason just like a human would?"
"No, but when it makes a mistake it blames it on another computer."
Last night I saw a host of pale, emaciated figures with haunted eyes that showed the agony of living death.
It was my first time in a vegan restaurant.
I checked out a medical book on abdominal pain at the library.
When I got home, I noticed someone had removed the appendix.
I asked the librarian where I could find books on greases, oils and lubricants.
She suggested try the non-friction section.
Me: "Do you have any books on...................
Librarian: "Telepathy ? ...........................Yes, we do.
A homesick man on a business trip sees a café called "Mom's Café" with the slogan "Meals served just like your mother made".
He eagerly goes in.
Once inside he sees a man staring morosely at plate of unappetizing food, with middle-aged, apron-wearing waitress hovering over him, yelling: "You'll eat what's on your plate and like it, or no dessert!"
The meeting
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!”
One of the staff: “Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.”
Source:
SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib
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