Mummy, the Indictment Fairy Finally Came!
Friday, March 31st, 2023
https://showercapblog.com/mummy-the-indictmen...ally-came/
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 0 comments
Slow news week, huh? Man, that one never gets old. “Slow news week.” Good one, Cap, maybe you can work something in about the Gwyneth Paltrow trial, like a mob of Goop truthers armed with vagina-scented candles storming the courtroom or something? I dunno, I’ll figure it out.
After decades of frequently illegal public shittiness, Off-Brand Orbán finally got indicted, presenting the American Right with yet another opportunity to retake the Should We Do Fascism test, which, well…at a certain point, you don’t expect progress anymore, but you’re still allowed to be disappointed, I think.
Excuse me, got “indicated.” https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politic...234706657/
We strive for accuracy here. But about the fascism:
Yeah, he’s trying to whip up a murder mob again, just like the last time he was backed into a corner. Merrily agitating away on his freshly-restored Facebook page. That was a good call, Zuck, thanks for your help. He’s going after the judge now, in addition to Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, already the target of death threats and lynching fantasies.
So now we wait to see how many weirdos show up in New York next Tuesday. Marjorie Taylor Greene, sensing a brand-building opportunity, was among the first to RSVP. It’ll be like the MAGA Met Gala. I wonder what wacky outfits they’ll wear, and will they be accessorizing with zip ties or AR-15s this year?
Turnout has been mercifully, hilariously low at pro-Dotard protests so far, but the screeching heads’re really screeching right now, so I guess we’ll see.
A culture-wide conniption fit inside a disinformation bubble is really quite something. This one, brazenly corrupt asshole must be protected and elevated at all costs, his every whim made reality, or I fear we shall have no choice but to become violent.
https://www.salon.com/2023/03/31/teary-eyed-l...ted-money/
Of course you have a choice. Every passing moment is a fresh, dewy opportunity to pull your head out of your ass. Stop worshiping a loser, dorks. I promise you it’s that simple.
Trumpism is a Russian plot to embarrass the United States on the stage of world history. And it’s working.
Look at the statement the New York Young Republican Club smeared on the wall in fecal matter. Seriously, look at it: “President Trump embodies the American people—our psyche from id to super-ego—as does no other figure; his soul is totally bonded with our core values and emotions, and he is our total and indisputable champion.”
Wow, that is definitely how people who aren’t in cults talk. Why would you want Donald Trump’s soul bonded to your emotions? I can’t even imagine that without H.R. Giger’s help.
“Young Republican Club.” The future’s so bright, it’s gotta wear shades, or, better still, some sort of harness that keeps it from reproducing.
Incidentally, just like on January 6th, don’t expect to see Charmin-softbois like Tucker Carlson and Jason Whitlock beside you on the ramparts. They won’t be serving prison sentences alongside you, either. You rubes. You brainless fucking rubes.
Ah, but rubes who must be pandered to! Governor DeSantis bleated out a sad, flaccid pledge to violate the U.S. Constitution on behalf of the guy who’s been relentlessly pelting him with abuse for a month, because I guess Ted Cruz has been giving seminars. “See, when you run against Trump, you eat his shit until he beats you, and then you’re a joke for the rest of your life!” Thanks for the tip, Ted.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/desantis-trump...ba2321e501
It would be lovely if somebody in the GOP could mount a serious challenge to the game show host, since he’s apparently plotting to hollow out the administrative state and invade Mexico, but we’re not exactly walking among titans, here.
I see history’s dumbest death cult formally added Capitol Riot worship to the already embarrassing ritual they refer to as a “Trump rally,” where they gather to fete their living idiot god, currently on year four of bragging about passing a cognitive test once.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but the Passing of the Cognitive Test is far and away my favorite MAGA Bible story. Have you ever seen other people, like, people who are not Trump himself, brag about Donald Trump Passing a Cognitive Test Once? It’s magnificent, in a way; the ultimate triumph of man over his own sense of self-respect.
But yeah, Waco was weird. A Trump rally feels like the sort of place you’d get trapped in during a Twilight Zone episode. But also the lamest possible version of that. Ted Nugent rants for a bit and the MyPillow guy rants for a bit and they play a video of a bunch of furious shitheads failing to lynch Mike Pence.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/26/opinion/do...peech.html
Of course, despite everything, he’s actually rising in the polls, because A) Republican primary voters are incurable jagoffs, and
Ron DeSantis just sucks that much.
Watching Ron stumble onto the national stage, you’d think you were witnessing meticulously choreographed slapstick; every footstep somehow finds a rake. Ron DeSantis is the Barney Fife of Doug Mastrianos.
The drooling goon was already earning headlines like “DeSantis has never been tested. And it shows,” “What Ron DeSantis and Derek Zoolander have in common,” and, for you cut-to-the-chase types, “Why Ron DeSantis Looks Like a Loser,” and that was before Mickey Mouse dipped a four-fingered glove into his pudding cup.
And the Mouse ate his fill. No pudding for Ron, and no power for his power grab. Feels a little weird, cheering the corporate behemoth, but anybody who crotch-punts a book-banner is ok with me.
To be perfectly fair n’ balanced, they’re banning movies down in DeSantistan, too. Last time it was Rosa Parks, now it’s Ruby Bridges; gosh, I wonder if there’s any detectable pattern there? Anyway, Florida Republicans’re actually trying to make the process even easier, because decimating children’s libraries shouldn’t be a hassle, we’ve all got things to do.
If you want a peek into these zealots’ long-term plans for America, check out their celebrations surrounding that viciously anti-gay bill in Uganda. There are zero degrees of separation remaining between the institutional GOP and the hate-crazed fringe, by the way: DeSantis hired a speechwriter who practically wet himself praising Nick Fuentes.
https://www.thebulwark.com/desantis-finds-his...tionalist/
Skeevy little twerp called Nate Hochman. Said, of Fuentes, “I think Nick’s probably a better influence than Ben Shapiro on young men who might otherwise be conservative.” That’s a pretty strange party game you’ve chosen, Nate. I have to say, I think you picked wrong, and also that you owe me a Coke for making me think about it.
Anyway, if you think Nick Fuentes is a positive influence on young men, one job you definitely shouldn’t have is writing speeches for a sitting governor. Another job you shouldn’t have is writing speeches for a presidential candidate. Wouldn’t let Nate walk my dog, either, if I’m honest.
I see Chris Christie imagines he can reinvent himself as Sick and Tired of Donald Trump Guy, sort of the lackey-fed-up-with-his-boss’-abuse arc you tend to see in professional wrestling. Bet that works real well, Chris. Say hi to Mike Pompeo for me, when you see him on the edge of the debate stage.
Normally, when there’s a school shooting, Republicans cover up their AR-15 pins and hide from the press for a couple of days, but this one presented an opportunity to stoke trans panic that was too good to pass up…apparently.
Suddenly, Josh Hawley’s howling about hate crimes. Josh Hawley’s sanctimony is like a lima bean fart, in a way I’m struggling to articulate right now, but definitely a lima bean fart.
https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/madd...-rcna77157
Republicans have almost proudly given up on our gun violence problem, forcing the discerning voter to once again wonder, “what fucking good are these people?”
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/3923845-g...-going-to/
Nothing exposes conservative brain rot like a school shooting. Clay Higgins says, “There’s no such thing as gun violence,” and Rick Scott thinks a lil’ more capital punishment’ll do the trick, and Nikki Haley tells us gun control is the “lazy way out” but I think Tim Burchett put it best when he said, “We’re not gonna fix it,” which is the clearest distillation of the Republican ethos I have ever seen.
Let’s linger on Tim for a minute. Tim may labor under some rather comical misconceptions, on topics ranging from basic science to the Middle East, but you have to admit he’s confident.
Speaking of confidence, Lauren Boebert is still yelling, about pee this time, I think she thinks she’s stumbled onto some Democrat plot to legalize public urination? It’s tough to tell. Lauren Boebert believes all kindsa things.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/mar/...se-hearing
Kevin McCarthy meeped out a bit of debt ceiling posturing, but still refuses to publicly identify the specific spending cuts he seeks, which Joe Biden is more than happy to point out. Kevin’s negotiating style is best described as Cat With Its Head Caught In a Bag. “The budget doesn’t have anything to do with the debt ceiling!” Oh you poor, dumb thing, you don’t even understand what a bag is, do you?
In that ridiculously high-stakes Supreme Court election up in Wisconsin, the conservative candidate campaigned alongside a QAnon-promoting Stop the Steal organizer, but hey, both sides do it, and the parties are exactly the same, outside of some trifling disagreements about abortion and democracy and whether or not JFK Jr. is coming back.
https://www.mediamatters.org/local-news/wisco...y-theorist
While “protesting,” one of the Dotard’s dutiful drones pulled a knife on a family with two small children, right in front of some cops, because only the fittest have survived three years of ivermectin poisoning.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3mb89/iverme...emoi-death
I’m told Marjorie Taylor Greene will be leading a candlelight vigil for the knife-wielding psychopath as soon as her schedule permits.
Last week, we learned Joe Biden was a clone, and now it turns out John Fetterman has been replaced by a body double.
https://www.inquirer.com/politics/john-fetter...30330.html
My sources tell me Hakeem Jeffries is an enchanted statue come to life, and of course the worst-kept secret in Washington is that Sherrod Brown is actually a tiny alien piloting a Sherrod Brown-shaped robot battlesuit. The only real human being in the Democratic Party is Jennifer Granholm.
Shoutout to Putin, on his vastly expanded border with NATO; https://www.economist.com/podcasts/2023/03/28...joins-nato
to Elon, for destroying more than half of Twitter’s value in five short months; and to Bibi, for losing the support of his people so completely and so deservedly. Geniuses, who should be in charge of things, clearly.
Well, I’m off to invest my weekly Soros deposit in a sixer of something hoppy, you stay safe out there, friends.
PS – Things’re going poorly for Fox in the Dominion lawsuit, which is great, but that story broke late and I’m tired and tipsy so write your own damn joke. Work in Gwyneth Paltrow if you can, I never quite got there. OR DID I?
Friday, March 31st, 2023
https://showercapblog.com/mummy-the-indictmen...ally-came/
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 0 comments
Slow news week, huh? Man, that one never gets old. “Slow news week.” Good one, Cap, maybe you can work something in about the Gwyneth Paltrow trial, like a mob of Goop truthers armed with vagina-scented candles storming the courtroom or something? I dunno, I’ll figure it out.
After decades of frequently illegal public shittiness, Off-Brand Orbán finally got indicted, presenting the American Right with yet another opportunity to retake the Should We Do Fascism test, which, well…at a certain point, you don’t expect progress anymore, but you’re still allowed to be disappointed, I think.
Excuse me, got “indicated.” https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politic...234706657/
We strive for accuracy here. But about the fascism:
Yeah, he’s trying to whip up a murder mob again, just like the last time he was backed into a corner. Merrily agitating away on his freshly-restored Facebook page. That was a good call, Zuck, thanks for your help. He’s going after the judge now, in addition to Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, already the target of death threats and lynching fantasies.
So now we wait to see how many weirdos show up in New York next Tuesday. Marjorie Taylor Greene, sensing a brand-building opportunity, was among the first to RSVP. It’ll be like the MAGA Met Gala. I wonder what wacky outfits they’ll wear, and will they be accessorizing with zip ties or AR-15s this year?
Turnout has been mercifully, hilariously low at pro-Dotard protests so far, but the screeching heads’re really screeching right now, so I guess we’ll see.
A culture-wide conniption fit inside a disinformation bubble is really quite something. This one, brazenly corrupt asshole must be protected and elevated at all costs, his every whim made reality, or I fear we shall have no choice but to become violent.
https://www.salon.com/2023/03/31/teary-eyed-l...ted-money/
Of course you have a choice. Every passing moment is a fresh, dewy opportunity to pull your head out of your ass. Stop worshiping a loser, dorks. I promise you it’s that simple.
Trumpism is a Russian plot to embarrass the United States on the stage of world history. And it’s working.
Look at the statement the New York Young Republican Club smeared on the wall in fecal matter. Seriously, look at it: “President Trump embodies the American people—our psyche from id to super-ego—as does no other figure; his soul is totally bonded with our core values and emotions, and he is our total and indisputable champion.”
Wow, that is definitely how people who aren’t in cults talk. Why would you want Donald Trump’s soul bonded to your emotions? I can’t even imagine that without H.R. Giger’s help.
“Young Republican Club.” The future’s so bright, it’s gotta wear shades, or, better still, some sort of harness that keeps it from reproducing.
Incidentally, just like on January 6th, don’t expect to see Charmin-softbois like Tucker Carlson and Jason Whitlock beside you on the ramparts. They won’t be serving prison sentences alongside you, either. You rubes. You brainless fucking rubes.
Ah, but rubes who must be pandered to! Governor DeSantis bleated out a sad, flaccid pledge to violate the U.S. Constitution on behalf of the guy who’s been relentlessly pelting him with abuse for a month, because I guess Ted Cruz has been giving seminars. “See, when you run against Trump, you eat his shit until he beats you, and then you’re a joke for the rest of your life!” Thanks for the tip, Ted.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/desantis-trump...ba2321e501
It would be lovely if somebody in the GOP could mount a serious challenge to the game show host, since he’s apparently plotting to hollow out the administrative state and invade Mexico, but we’re not exactly walking among titans, here.
I see history’s dumbest death cult formally added Capitol Riot worship to the already embarrassing ritual they refer to as a “Trump rally,” where they gather to fete their living idiot god, currently on year four of bragging about passing a cognitive test once.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but the Passing of the Cognitive Test is far and away my favorite MAGA Bible story. Have you ever seen other people, like, people who are not Trump himself, brag about Donald Trump Passing a Cognitive Test Once? It’s magnificent, in a way; the ultimate triumph of man over his own sense of self-respect.
But yeah, Waco was weird. A Trump rally feels like the sort of place you’d get trapped in during a Twilight Zone episode. But also the lamest possible version of that. Ted Nugent rants for a bit and the MyPillow guy rants for a bit and they play a video of a bunch of furious shitheads failing to lynch Mike Pence.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/26/opinion/do...peech.html
Of course, despite everything, he’s actually rising in the polls, because A) Republican primary voters are incurable jagoffs, and
Ron DeSantis just sucks that much. Watching Ron stumble onto the national stage, you’d think you were witnessing meticulously choreographed slapstick; every footstep somehow finds a rake. Ron DeSantis is the Barney Fife of Doug Mastrianos.
The drooling goon was already earning headlines like “DeSantis has never been tested. And it shows,” “What Ron DeSantis and Derek Zoolander have in common,” and, for you cut-to-the-chase types, “Why Ron DeSantis Looks Like a Loser,” and that was before Mickey Mouse dipped a four-fingered glove into his pudding cup.
And the Mouse ate his fill. No pudding for Ron, and no power for his power grab. Feels a little weird, cheering the corporate behemoth, but anybody who crotch-punts a book-banner is ok with me.
To be perfectly fair n’ balanced, they’re banning movies down in DeSantistan, too. Last time it was Rosa Parks, now it’s Ruby Bridges; gosh, I wonder if there’s any detectable pattern there? Anyway, Florida Republicans’re actually trying to make the process even easier, because decimating children’s libraries shouldn’t be a hassle, we’ve all got things to do.
If you want a peek into these zealots’ long-term plans for America, check out their celebrations surrounding that viciously anti-gay bill in Uganda. There are zero degrees of separation remaining between the institutional GOP and the hate-crazed fringe, by the way: DeSantis hired a speechwriter who practically wet himself praising Nick Fuentes.
https://www.thebulwark.com/desantis-finds-his...tionalist/
Skeevy little twerp called Nate Hochman. Said, of Fuentes, “I think Nick’s probably a better influence than Ben Shapiro on young men who might otherwise be conservative.” That’s a pretty strange party game you’ve chosen, Nate. I have to say, I think you picked wrong, and also that you owe me a Coke for making me think about it.
Anyway, if you think Nick Fuentes is a positive influence on young men, one job you definitely shouldn’t have is writing speeches for a sitting governor. Another job you shouldn’t have is writing speeches for a presidential candidate. Wouldn’t let Nate walk my dog, either, if I’m honest.
I see Chris Christie imagines he can reinvent himself as Sick and Tired of Donald Trump Guy, sort of the lackey-fed-up-with-his-boss’-abuse arc you tend to see in professional wrestling. Bet that works real well, Chris. Say hi to Mike Pompeo for me, when you see him on the edge of the debate stage.
Normally, when there’s a school shooting, Republicans cover up their AR-15 pins and hide from the press for a couple of days, but this one presented an opportunity to stoke trans panic that was too good to pass up…apparently.
Suddenly, Josh Hawley’s howling about hate crimes. Josh Hawley’s sanctimony is like a lima bean fart, in a way I’m struggling to articulate right now, but definitely a lima bean fart.
https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/madd...-rcna77157
Republicans have almost proudly given up on our gun violence problem, forcing the discerning voter to once again wonder, “what fucking good are these people?”
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/3923845-g...-going-to/
Nothing exposes conservative brain rot like a school shooting. Clay Higgins says, “There’s no such thing as gun violence,” and Rick Scott thinks a lil’ more capital punishment’ll do the trick, and Nikki Haley tells us gun control is the “lazy way out” but I think Tim Burchett put it best when he said, “We’re not gonna fix it,” which is the clearest distillation of the Republican ethos I have ever seen.
Let’s linger on Tim for a minute. Tim may labor under some rather comical misconceptions, on topics ranging from basic science to the Middle East, but you have to admit he’s confident.
Speaking of confidence, Lauren Boebert is still yelling, about pee this time, I think she thinks she’s stumbled onto some Democrat plot to legalize public urination? It’s tough to tell. Lauren Boebert believes all kindsa things.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/mar/...se-hearing
Kevin McCarthy meeped out a bit of debt ceiling posturing, but still refuses to publicly identify the specific spending cuts he seeks, which Joe Biden is more than happy to point out. Kevin’s negotiating style is best described as Cat With Its Head Caught In a Bag. “The budget doesn’t have anything to do with the debt ceiling!” Oh you poor, dumb thing, you don’t even understand what a bag is, do you?
In that ridiculously high-stakes Supreme Court election up in Wisconsin, the conservative candidate campaigned alongside a QAnon-promoting Stop the Steal organizer, but hey, both sides do it, and the parties are exactly the same, outside of some trifling disagreements about abortion and democracy and whether or not JFK Jr. is coming back.
https://www.mediamatters.org/local-news/wisco...y-theorist
While “protesting,” one of the Dotard’s dutiful drones pulled a knife on a family with two small children, right in front of some cops, because only the fittest have survived three years of ivermectin poisoning.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3mb89/iverme...emoi-death
I’m told Marjorie Taylor Greene will be leading a candlelight vigil for the knife-wielding psychopath as soon as her schedule permits.
Last week, we learned Joe Biden was a clone, and now it turns out John Fetterman has been replaced by a body double.
https://www.inquirer.com/politics/john-fetter...30330.html
My sources tell me Hakeem Jeffries is an enchanted statue come to life, and of course the worst-kept secret in Washington is that Sherrod Brown is actually a tiny alien piloting a Sherrod Brown-shaped robot battlesuit. The only real human being in the Democratic Party is Jennifer Granholm.
Shoutout to Putin, on his vastly expanded border with NATO; https://www.economist.com/podcasts/2023/03/28...joins-nato
to Elon, for destroying more than half of Twitter’s value in five short months; and to Bibi, for losing the support of his people so completely and so deservedly. Geniuses, who should be in charge of things, clearly.
Well, I’m off to invest my weekly Soros deposit in a sixer of something hoppy, you stay safe out there, friends.
PS – Things’re going poorly for Fox in the Dominion lawsuit, which is great, but that story broke late and I’m tired and tipsy so write your own damn joke. Work in Gwyneth Paltrow if you can, I never quite got there. OR DID I?
