The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
ü Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
ü Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
ü When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
ü Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
ü Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
ü If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
ü Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
ü Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate paste.
ü Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
ü So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
ü If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
ü Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
ü Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
ü “The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.” “Great. I’ll start later.”
ü Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.
ü Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
ü Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
ü When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
ü Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
ü Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
ü If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
ü Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
ü Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate paste.
ü Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
ü So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
ü If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
ü Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
ü Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
ü “The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.” “Great. I’ll start later.”
ü Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.
1
