Bugeater requested levity.
“humor or frivolity, especially the treatment of a serious matter with humor or in a manner lacking due respect.”
I’m not sure what I have left in the tank this evening, but I do enjoy frivolity AND Wyatt Earp, so I suppose I’m your huckleberry.
Speaking of berries, a quick ranking:
1. Blue
2. Halle
3. Razz
4. Gordy
5. Black
6. Straw
1099. Marion
Now, y’all may not have noticed but CYDY is down quite a bit right now. It’s not easy to look at your investment when it was once a Proud Johnnie Cochran but has currently turned into a Lamentable Craig. But the good news is you still own those shares, and Dame Judy Dench, who is probably best known for her investing quotes, has famously stated that the stock market is a way of transferring money from the impatient to the patient.
The kicker here, is that everyone assumes that when Dame Dench uses the word “patient” she means the act of accepting or holding on through delays. But they’re all wrong. She means patient as in someone being treated for a medical condition.
So let this be the number one takeaway from tonight’s post. You MUST get sick with something. I don’t care if it’s a mild case of longhaulers, a trick knee, or any one of these super common afflictions I’ve endured:
Restless leg syndrome
Fibromyalgia
High-fiber fibromyalgia
Hot tub foot
Lou Gehrig’s disease
Lou Barlow’s disease
Lucy Liu Flu
Advanced moist shin disorder
Hyper-tolerance to lactose
Urinary tract infection
Urinary 8-track infection
Trickle nipple
Thick urine syndrome
Hapsburg cholera
Clogged arteries
Dropsy
Dry lip
Intestinal colic
Allergic to indoor toilets
Sufferer of milk leg
Loofah rash
Bone worm
Selective fatigue syndrome
Hepatitis R
Irritable bowel syndrome
Spastic ear discharge
Pubic lice
Amphibial rabies
Anglo-centric sickle cell anemia
Scabies
Rabies
Mickey Rooney’s Sugar Babies
Tarnished yam simplex
Swollen perineum
Chronic shame disorder
Larval penis
Dirt belly
Parkinson’s disease
Valet Parkinson’s disease
Parallel Parkinson’s disease
Parker Posey pox
Pere ubu
Canine derived hip dysplasia
Selective albinism
Scrotal migraines
Prolapsed navel
Diagnosed as “Hard to Kill”
Dusty Sperm
Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
Male FUPA disorder
Overactive Empathy
Human Contact Disorder
Late Onset-Turkey Revulsion
Internal Sneezing
No matter the condition, the important thing is you’ve become a patient. And in that act of selfless investment, you’ve unlocked the key to riches. RICHES I TELLS YA!
(By the way, bonus points to anyone who knows where that list comes from. I will both think higher of you AND add you to my will.)
So now you’re rich and the share price of CYDY doesn’t matter as much. But perspective is still important, so I’d like to tell you about what forty cents could buy back in my day. This way you'll realize just how valuable a single share is right now, even at forty cents.
Why, back in my day you could spend a whole weekend on forty cents. A couple six packs of beer, take your girl out to dinner, cover your rent, enroll in college, flunk out of college, learn to be a mechanic, get over your fear of lugnuts, buy all of your friends trucknuts, replace the crown air fresheners in the back window of your Chevelle well before they run low, buy your local Piggly Wiggly out of bologna, and at least a small handful of other purchases before you were out of money.
Today you can’t even catcall a beautiful woman without getting fined tens of thousands of dollars.
So what’s a guy to do?
Invest in CYDY at roughly forty cents, that’s what.
It’s what investing gurus like Ernest Borgnine would tell you if he were still alive. He died with his riches, not giving a single cent away to his ungrateful family. Buying CYDY at forty cents can do the exact same thing for you someday, if you’re patient.
Excuse me. I mean, if you’re a patient.
Now if you’ll excuse me again, my Parker Posey Pox is acting up something fierce and I must bid you adieu.
#TechnicalAnalysis
“humor or frivolity, especially the treatment of a serious matter with humor or in a manner lacking due respect.”
I’m not sure what I have left in the tank this evening, but I do enjoy frivolity AND Wyatt Earp, so I suppose I’m your huckleberry.
Speaking of berries, a quick ranking:
1. Blue
2. Halle
3. Razz
4. Gordy
5. Black
6. Straw
1099. Marion
Now, y’all may not have noticed but CYDY is down quite a bit right now. It’s not easy to look at your investment when it was once a Proud Johnnie Cochran but has currently turned into a Lamentable Craig. But the good news is you still own those shares, and Dame Judy Dench, who is probably best known for her investing quotes, has famously stated that the stock market is a way of transferring money from the impatient to the patient.
The kicker here, is that everyone assumes that when Dame Dench uses the word “patient” she means the act of accepting or holding on through delays. But they’re all wrong. She means patient as in someone being treated for a medical condition.
So let this be the number one takeaway from tonight’s post. You MUST get sick with something. I don’t care if it’s a mild case of longhaulers, a trick knee, or any one of these super common afflictions I’ve endured:
Restless leg syndrome
Fibromyalgia
High-fiber fibromyalgia
Hot tub foot
Lou Gehrig’s disease
Lou Barlow’s disease
Lucy Liu Flu
Advanced moist shin disorder
Hyper-tolerance to lactose
Urinary tract infection
Urinary 8-track infection
Trickle nipple
Thick urine syndrome
Hapsburg cholera
Clogged arteries
Dropsy
Dry lip
Intestinal colic
Allergic to indoor toilets
Sufferer of milk leg
Loofah rash
Bone worm
Selective fatigue syndrome
Hepatitis R
Irritable bowel syndrome
Spastic ear discharge
Pubic lice
Amphibial rabies
Anglo-centric sickle cell anemia
Scabies
Rabies
Mickey Rooney’s Sugar Babies
Tarnished yam simplex
Swollen perineum
Chronic shame disorder
Larval penis
Dirt belly
Parkinson’s disease
Valet Parkinson’s disease
Parallel Parkinson’s disease
Parker Posey pox
Pere ubu
Canine derived hip dysplasia
Selective albinism
Scrotal migraines
Prolapsed navel
Diagnosed as “Hard to Kill”
Dusty Sperm
Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
Male FUPA disorder
Overactive Empathy
Human Contact Disorder
Late Onset-Turkey Revulsion
Internal Sneezing
No matter the condition, the important thing is you’ve become a patient. And in that act of selfless investment, you’ve unlocked the key to riches. RICHES I TELLS YA!
(By the way, bonus points to anyone who knows where that list comes from. I will both think higher of you AND add you to my will.)
So now you’re rich and the share price of CYDY doesn’t matter as much. But perspective is still important, so I’d like to tell you about what forty cents could buy back in my day. This way you'll realize just how valuable a single share is right now, even at forty cents.
Why, back in my day you could spend a whole weekend on forty cents. A couple six packs of beer, take your girl out to dinner, cover your rent, enroll in college, flunk out of college, learn to be a mechanic, get over your fear of lugnuts, buy all of your friends trucknuts, replace the crown air fresheners in the back window of your Chevelle well before they run low, buy your local Piggly Wiggly out of bologna, and at least a small handful of other purchases before you were out of money.
Today you can’t even catcall a beautiful woman without getting fined tens of thousands of dollars.
So what’s a guy to do?
Invest in CYDY at roughly forty cents, that’s what.
It’s what investing gurus like Ernest Borgnine would tell you if he were still alive. He died with his riches, not giving a single cent away to his ungrateful family. Buying CYDY at forty cents can do the exact same thing for you someday, if you’re patient.
Excuse me. I mean, if you’re a patient.
Now if you’ll excuse me again, my Parker Posey Pox is acting up something fierce and I must bid you adieu.
#TechnicalAnalysis
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