When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said,
“You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?”
I said, “No, not particularly."
Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money,
half his friends don't know him anymore."
Her: "And the other half?"
Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."
Attending the funeral of a close friend,
I thought I recognized a lady I had not seen in 25 years.
I went up to her and said, "You look like Helen Black..."
She replied and walked away, "You don't look so good in brown!"
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”
“We have no cellphone reception at all in our village.”
Martin phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the radio, even the brake!"
Three minutes later, he called back and. "Never mind" he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake"
Guess who I bumped into on the way to the optician?
Everyone.
Wanda stood in the checkout line at the local grocery store, showing off her engagement ring to the cashier.
Zack was next in line. He congratulated Wanda and then offered her an observation about marriage.
"The first five years are the hardest" he said.
"How long have you been married?" Wanda Sue asked.
"Five years." was his reply.
Friend: "Do you like Kipling?
Me: "I don't know, I've never kippled."
The shovel is very important.
It was a ground breaking invention.
When plastic surgery was first invented.........
....................it raised a few eyebrows.
The receptionist at the sperm bank is very nice.
Every time I leave, she always says, "Thanks for coming."
I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.
Instead, it made him more sluggish.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
The "C"
Elizabeth: My mom has the worst memory.
Melissa: She forgets everything?
Elizabeth: No, she remembers everything.
Source, SHORENUFFSTUFF @iFib
“You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?”
I said, “No, not particularly."
Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money,
half his friends don't know him anymore."
Her: "And the other half?"
Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."
Attending the funeral of a close friend,
I thought I recognized a lady I had not seen in 25 years.
I went up to her and said, "You look like Helen Black..."
She replied and walked away, "You don't look so good in brown!"
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”
“We have no cellphone reception at all in our village.”
Martin phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the radio, even the brake!"
Three minutes later, he called back and. "Never mind" he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake"
Guess who I bumped into on the way to the optician?
Everyone.
Wanda stood in the checkout line at the local grocery store, showing off her engagement ring to the cashier.
Zack was next in line. He congratulated Wanda and then offered her an observation about marriage.
"The first five years are the hardest" he said.
"How long have you been married?" Wanda Sue asked.
"Five years." was his reply.
Friend: "Do you like Kipling?
Me: "I don't know, I've never kippled."
The shovel is very important.
It was a ground breaking invention.
When plastic surgery was first invented.........
....................it raised a few eyebrows.
The receptionist at the sperm bank is very nice.
Every time I leave, she always says, "Thanks for coming."
I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.
Instead, it made him more sluggish.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
The "C"
Elizabeth: My mom has the worst memory.
Melissa: She forgets everything?
Elizabeth: No, she remembers everything.
Source, SHORENUFFSTUFF @iFib
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