Just in Time for Thanksgiving, a Cornucopia of Buttholes
Friday, November 19th, 2021
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 0 comments
https://showercapblog.com/just-in-time-for-th...buttholes/
Forgive me if I’m off my game tonight, it’s been a dark, ugly, infuriating day. I’d love to focus on the good news, like the recently-enacted bipartisan infrastructure bill, or the House passing the Build Back Better Act, but the sheer, institutionalized efficiency with which the modern American right shepherds the nation’s shittiest white boys from radicalization to terrorism to escaping justice…all I’m saying is, expect typos; I have vomited in disgust upon my keyboard several times already.
Anyway, the two parties are basically the same, only one builds bridges and helps folks get health care while the other diligently crafts a system where the killers their politicians and pundits incite with toxic rhetoric need not face legal consequences for ending human lives. (The one with the donkey is the non-murdery one.)
Hey, look! Disgraced Erdoğan puppet Michael Flynn believes every American should be forced to kneel before the same “god” that’s guided him through his misspent life of crime, hatred, treason, and humiliation, and at the risk of editorializing, um, fuck that.
Boy, these skeevy little fucks have all sortsa skeevy little plans for the post-Constitution world they dream of, don’t they?
New documents from the CDC reveal the extraordinary lengths the Turdmaggot Administration took to actively obstruct the public health response to the Covid-19 outbreak, and I confess, I’m a tad confused; how the FUCK are we not, as one united nation, demanding Off-Brand Orbán be thrown down a fucking well in punishment for the thousands upon thousands of unnecessary deaths he caused?
Ok, I’ll be honest, I’m not confused. At all. I lied. I understand perfectly well; thing is, millions of Americans are only too happy to swap millions of jobs, billions in economic carnage, and even hundreds of thousands of their countrymen’s lives for the tacit permission to do what Kyle Rittenhouse did, and that’s what the Deposed Dotard offers.
Sleep tight.
Hey kids, if you’re not 18 years of age, I’m gonna need you to get your parents’ permission before proceeding through this paragraph, because the spectacle of engorged ragetick Alex Jones begging his audience for money to keep his shitgeyser disinformation empire afloat is positively pornographic in our justice-starved world.
(By the way, go ahead and wire him those funds, you rubes; the money’ll only wind up with the Sandy Hook families he terrorized for years. Consider it an asshole tax.)
Significantly less arousing is Steve Bannon’s herky-jerky slither/strut down the MAGA martyrdom runway. Personally, I prefer my “revolutionaries” a little less hateful/evil/oozing-with-pus, but tastes vary.
I guess Laura Ingraham now fancies herself some sort of comedian, but even Fox’s generally-successful gaslighting operation has its limits.
So, Congressional Republicans oppose health care, and infrastructure, and childcare, and education, and voting rights, and free speech, and combating climate change… so what’re they FOR? Not much, honestly…outside of preserving their own right to call for their colleagues’ murder, of course.
Yes, in the aftermath of the Gosar censure vote, it’s official: “one ought not threaten the lives of one’s co-workers” is now an exceedingly divisive partisan statement, but it’s really both sides that’re to blame for our arrival at this dangerous, deeply fucked-up point, just ask Chuck Todd.
Gosar pointedly refused to apologize for his vile act, and indeed defiantly re-blasted the offending video immediately upon censure, a snarling proclamation that he will not be held to the standards of decency, or even of civilization.
I’m trying to deliver some laffs for y’all, I truly am, but it’s tricky finding punchlines here on this shitty, shitty march backwards towards human history’s darkest corners. Minority Leader McCarthy, who can’t get rid of Kinzinger and Cheney fast enough, not only wants to restore Gosar and Taylor Greene to their committee assignments, but already fantasizes openly about the powers he intends to vindictively abuse should his grubby, mediocre paws ever grasp the Speaker’s gavel.
Quick shout-out to the docile so-called “moderates” in K-Dawg’s caucus: how’s it feel to watch your “leader” pimp the very same white nationalist shitsacks who provoked the death threats you’re receiving these days over supporting FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE?
I know the plan was to quietly blend into the background until the crazies got tired of setting shit on fire…how’s that workin’ out for y’all?
What’s that? Fascists never, ever stop taking, no matter how much you give away in your attempts to placate them? Huh. Well, I’m sure peace in our time is just around the corner.
Speaking of Keville Chamberlain, I guess he took to the House floor to pout and wail and rub shit all over himself for like, eight hours? Whatever. McCarthy not only accomplished fuckall when it came to halting Build Back Better’s passage, but failed to draw any of the attention he so desperately sought, and hey, maybe America’s best chance for survival is the inescapable blandness of so many of our wannabe demagogues.
Meanwhile, Mark Meadows cackled like an unusually subpar hyena at the thought of installing Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot as Speaker of the House, (sorry, Kev) because golly gee, just IMAGINE how many people that’d bother!
I wonder sometimes, when you’re part of a cult than can envision no higher purpose nor greater glory than irritating strangers, like…does no one ever raise their hand to ask, “Hang on, is this seriously all there is?”
It totally is, though. Trolling peppered with periodic outbursts of terrorist violence, that’s the GOP brand. Matt Gaetz would probably be a huge hit at open mic night in the ol’ federal penitentiary, with hilarious gags like “I SHOULD MAKE KYLE RITTENHOUSE MY INTERN HAW HAW HAW,” if it weren’t for the fact that he’ll need to be kept in solitary confinement over the whole “child rapist” thing.
Still, that turned out to be such a popular bit that Gosar and Madison “The Many Homes of Hitler Tour Guide” Cawthorn are now playfully jousting over the young mass-shooter’s coffee-fetching services.
Oh, and aspiring führer Ron DeSantis was too busy snickering at his own juvenile stunt to notice his press secretary, Christina Pushaw, spreading Stormfront-level anti-Semitic conspiracy theories on social media, let alone remove her from the public payroll for such disgusting behavior. Just in case anybody out there hasn’t figured out who these people are yet.
Well, if you ever wondered what it’d be like to see Joe McCarthy portrayed by a tenth-rate dinner theatre actor with misplaced confidence in his abilities to interpret Tennessee Williams, the good people of Louisiana have helpfully elected John Kennedy to the United States Senate. Ol’ Foghorn Dipshit may not be much of a legislator, but as a witch-hunter, he’s a truly once-in-a-generation buffoon.
Well, I am worn down to the fucking nub by this shit, my friends, and the time has come for me to drown my sorrows, which are ample. Please imagine extra concern in my voice this time when I say…stay safe out there, folks. Please stay safe.
OH HEY, big holiday next week. Blog might come on a weird night. Might skip a week. Let’s play it by ear.
*You’re not crazy, “blurg” is not, in fact, a word. Language fails me these days; I’m down to grunts and nonsense.
Friday, November 19th, 2021
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 0 comments
https://showercapblog.com/just-in-time-for-th...buttholes/
Forgive me if I’m off my game tonight, it’s been a dark, ugly, infuriating day. I’d love to focus on the good news, like the recently-enacted bipartisan infrastructure bill, or the House passing the Build Back Better Act, but the sheer, institutionalized efficiency with which the modern American right shepherds the nation’s shittiest white boys from radicalization to terrorism to escaping justice…all I’m saying is, expect typos; I have vomited in disgust upon my keyboard several times already.
Anyway, the two parties are basically the same, only one builds bridges and helps folks get health care while the other diligently crafts a system where the killers their politicians and pundits incite with toxic rhetoric need not face legal consequences for ending human lives. (The one with the donkey is the non-murdery one.)
Hey, look! Disgraced Erdoğan puppet Michael Flynn believes every American should be forced to kneel before the same “god” that’s guided him through his misspent life of crime, hatred, treason, and humiliation, and at the risk of editorializing, um, fuck that.
Boy, these skeevy little fucks have all sortsa skeevy little plans for the post-Constitution world they dream of, don’t they?
New documents from the CDC reveal the extraordinary lengths the Turdmaggot Administration took to actively obstruct the public health response to the Covid-19 outbreak, and I confess, I’m a tad confused; how the FUCK are we not, as one united nation, demanding Off-Brand Orbán be thrown down a fucking well in punishment for the thousands upon thousands of unnecessary deaths he caused?
Ok, I’ll be honest, I’m not confused. At all. I lied. I understand perfectly well; thing is, millions of Americans are only too happy to swap millions of jobs, billions in economic carnage, and even hundreds of thousands of their countrymen’s lives for the tacit permission to do what Kyle Rittenhouse did, and that’s what the Deposed Dotard offers.
Sleep tight.
Hey kids, if you’re not 18 years of age, I’m gonna need you to get your parents’ permission before proceeding through this paragraph, because the spectacle of engorged ragetick Alex Jones begging his audience for money to keep his shitgeyser disinformation empire afloat is positively pornographic in our justice-starved world.
(By the way, go ahead and wire him those funds, you rubes; the money’ll only wind up with the Sandy Hook families he terrorized for years. Consider it an asshole tax.)
Significantly less arousing is Steve Bannon’s herky-jerky slither/strut down the MAGA martyrdom runway. Personally, I prefer my “revolutionaries” a little less hateful/evil/oozing-with-pus, but tastes vary.
I guess Laura Ingraham now fancies herself some sort of comedian, but even Fox’s generally-successful gaslighting operation has its limits.
So, Congressional Republicans oppose health care, and infrastructure, and childcare, and education, and voting rights, and free speech, and combating climate change… so what’re they FOR? Not much, honestly…outside of preserving their own right to call for their colleagues’ murder, of course.
Yes, in the aftermath of the Gosar censure vote, it’s official: “one ought not threaten the lives of one’s co-workers” is now an exceedingly divisive partisan statement, but it’s really both sides that’re to blame for our arrival at this dangerous, deeply fucked-up point, just ask Chuck Todd.
Gosar pointedly refused to apologize for his vile act, and indeed defiantly re-blasted the offending video immediately upon censure, a snarling proclamation that he will not be held to the standards of decency, or even of civilization.
I’m trying to deliver some laffs for y’all, I truly am, but it’s tricky finding punchlines here on this shitty, shitty march backwards towards human history’s darkest corners. Minority Leader McCarthy, who can’t get rid of Kinzinger and Cheney fast enough, not only wants to restore Gosar and Taylor Greene to their committee assignments, but already fantasizes openly about the powers he intends to vindictively abuse should his grubby, mediocre paws ever grasp the Speaker’s gavel.
Quick shout-out to the docile so-called “moderates” in K-Dawg’s caucus: how’s it feel to watch your “leader” pimp the very same white nationalist shitsacks who provoked the death threats you’re receiving these days over supporting FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE?
I know the plan was to quietly blend into the background until the crazies got tired of setting shit on fire…how’s that workin’ out for y’all?
What’s that? Fascists never, ever stop taking, no matter how much you give away in your attempts to placate them? Huh. Well, I’m sure peace in our time is just around the corner.
Speaking of Keville Chamberlain, I guess he took to the House floor to pout and wail and rub shit all over himself for like, eight hours? Whatever. McCarthy not only accomplished fuckall when it came to halting Build Back Better’s passage, but failed to draw any of the attention he so desperately sought, and hey, maybe America’s best chance for survival is the inescapable blandness of so many of our wannabe demagogues.
Meanwhile, Mark Meadows cackled like an unusually subpar hyena at the thought of installing Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot as Speaker of the House, (sorry, Kev) because golly gee, just IMAGINE how many people that’d bother!
I wonder sometimes, when you’re part of a cult than can envision no higher purpose nor greater glory than irritating strangers, like…does no one ever raise their hand to ask, “Hang on, is this seriously all there is?”
It totally is, though. Trolling peppered with periodic outbursts of terrorist violence, that’s the GOP brand. Matt Gaetz would probably be a huge hit at open mic night in the ol’ federal penitentiary, with hilarious gags like “I SHOULD MAKE KYLE RITTENHOUSE MY INTERN HAW HAW HAW,” if it weren’t for the fact that he’ll need to be kept in solitary confinement over the whole “child rapist” thing.
Still, that turned out to be such a popular bit that Gosar and Madison “The Many Homes of Hitler Tour Guide” Cawthorn are now playfully jousting over the young mass-shooter’s coffee-fetching services.
Oh, and aspiring führer Ron DeSantis was too busy snickering at his own juvenile stunt to notice his press secretary, Christina Pushaw, spreading Stormfront-level anti-Semitic conspiracy theories on social media, let alone remove her from the public payroll for such disgusting behavior. Just in case anybody out there hasn’t figured out who these people are yet.
Well, if you ever wondered what it’d be like to see Joe McCarthy portrayed by a tenth-rate dinner theatre actor with misplaced confidence in his abilities to interpret Tennessee Williams, the good people of Louisiana have helpfully elected John Kennedy to the United States Senate. Ol’ Foghorn Dipshit may not be much of a legislator, but as a witch-hunter, he’s a truly once-in-a-generation buffoon.
Well, I am worn down to the fucking nub by this shit, my friends, and the time has come for me to drown my sorrows, which are ample. Please imagine extra concern in my voice this time when I say…stay safe out there, folks. Please stay safe.
OH HEY, big holiday next week. Blog might come on a weird night. Might skip a week. Let’s play it by ear.
*You’re not crazy, “blurg” is not, in fact, a word. Language fails me these days; I’m down to grunts and nonsense.
