A man pulls up to the curb and asks the
policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No, sorry." says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"Well, they didn't ask."
Ray: "Can you loan me a hundred dollars?"
Tex: “Gee, I’d love to, but I don't have that much on me."
Ray: "Well, just gimme what you got and you can owe me the rest."
Wife: "Last night I had a dream that you bought me a pearl necklace."
Husband: "Wow, that's great! Tonight when you go to sleep, you can put it on."
Declaring his love, a young man told his
fiancée that he would go through hell for her.
Then they got married.
And sure enough....
Went to my eye doctor the other day...
Guess who I bumped into!
Everyone.
A mother complained to a schoolteacher that
other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.
“It’s not the money, it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”
Ted and Josh were in the men's room when Ted
happened to notice a dime at the bottom of one of the toilets. He promptly took out a silver dollar and tossed it into the same toilet, then reached in and fetched both coins.
"Why on earth did you do that?" Josh asked him.
Ted drawled,"I ain't stickin' my hand in a toilet for no dime!"
A weasel is dining at a restaurant.
He takes his seat and starts looking over the menu.
The waiter then asks, "What can I get you to drink, sir?"
"Oh, not much. Just a diet pop," goes the weasel.
"it was the 3rd of september--that day i'll always remember..."
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iHub
policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No, sorry." says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"Well, they didn't ask."
Ray: "Can you loan me a hundred dollars?"
Tex: “Gee, I’d love to, but I don't have that much on me."
Ray: "Well, just gimme what you got and you can owe me the rest."
Wife: "Last night I had a dream that you bought me a pearl necklace."
Husband: "Wow, that's great! Tonight when you go to sleep, you can put it on."
Declaring his love, a young man told his
fiancée that he would go through hell for her.
Then they got married.
And sure enough....
Went to my eye doctor the other day...
Guess who I bumped into!
Everyone.
A mother complained to a schoolteacher that
other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.
“It’s not the money, it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”
Ted and Josh were in the men's room when Ted
happened to notice a dime at the bottom of one of the toilets. He promptly took out a silver dollar and tossed it into the same toilet, then reached in and fetched both coins.
"Why on earth did you do that?" Josh asked him.
Ted drawled,"I ain't stickin' my hand in a toilet for no dime!"
A weasel is dining at a restaurant.
He takes his seat and starts looking over the menu.
The waiter then asks, "What can I get you to drink, sir?"
"Oh, not much. Just a diet pop," goes the weasel.
"it was the 3rd of september--that day i'll always remember..."
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iHub
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