Deserved ridicule; from a horse of course.
Column: A letter from a horse: Please stop taking ivermectin to treat COVID-19. That’s our medicine, you ninnies.
By REX HUPPKE
CHICAGO TRIBUNE |
AUG 27, 2021 AT 3:37 PM
A horse pokes his head out from a stall at Tukaway Farm in Elgin in 2017. (Stacey Wescott / Chicago Tribune)
Through my numerous sources in the animal kingdom, I received the following letter from a horse. He’s apparently upset about a new fad among COVID-19 vaccine conspiracists: using ivermectin, a livestock dewormer, as protection against or treatment for the virus.
While the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and other public health agencies have spoken out about the extreme wrongness of consuming an anti-parasitic livestock medication when a safe and effective coronavirus vaccine meant for humans is readily available, it seemed worth it to let this horse have his say and enter the following into the public conversation:
Greetings, humans.
You probably expected me to start this letter with “Howdy.” You two-legged types always associate horses with southerners and cowboys. For the record, that’s horse-ist and we don’t appreciate it. I’m from Schaumburg, for Seabiscuit’s sake.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing is to make a simple request on behalf of my fellow horses and livestock everywhere: Please stop taking ivermectin. You keep scooping the stuff up off shelves in farm stores all over creation and, frankly, we’re getting peeved. That’s our medicine, not yours.
You don’t see a bunch of cows strolling into CVS and buying up all the Benadryl, do you? Of course not. That’s partially because of unjust rules that prevent our kind from roaming freely and taking advantage of shopping centers, but it’s mainly because we’re smart enough to know we shouldn’t put human stuff in our nonhuman bodies.
We use ivermectin because we tend to get internal and external parasites, and that stuff knocks them out pretty well.
I recently needed some to treat my sarcoptic mange, but guess what? THE FARM SUPPLY STORE WAS OUT OF IVERMECTIN CAUSE A BUNCH OF YOU READ SOME HOO-HAH ON THE INTERNET AND DECIDED THE SMART MOVE WAS TO IGNORE YOUR DOCTORS AND TAKE SOME HORSE MEDICINE!!!
Unless you were suffering from sarcoptic mange, and are a horse, I’m going to have to ask you to return the ivermectin and stop believing everything you read.
I tried at first to send a note like this to some people in the human anti-vaccine/anti-mask/”COVID isn’t a big deal” community. But it didn’t go well.
I wanted to reach Phil Valentine, a conservative radio host and vaccine skeptic who promoted ivermectin to treat COVID-19, but was unable to because he died from COVID-19.
I wanted to reach Caleb Wallace, a 30-year-old Texas man who organized protests against pandemic restrictions and treated himself with ivermectin when he developed COVID-19 symptoms, but he’s on a ventilator in a Texas intensive care unit.
I wanted to reach H. Scott Apley, a Texas GOP official who spoke out against vaccines and showed support for a mask burning, but he was also unavailable due to dying from COVID-19.
Apparently the phrase “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink” applies to humans as well.
So I’m sending this note out through the press in the hope it does some good.
Here are a few facts:
Ivermectin has been used to treat humans, but it’s not approved as a treatment for COVID-19, and two-legged medical professionals who are not snake-oil salespeople strongly advise against taking it for that purpose.
According to a human I had do research for me in exchange for free rides, the FDA’s website says: “Ivermectin tablets are approved at very specific doses for some parasitic worms, and there are topical (on the skin) formulations for head lice and skin conditions like rosacea. Ivermectin is not an antiviral (a drug for treating viruses). Taking large doses of this drug is dangerous and can cause serious harm.”
The FDA says side effects can include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, facial or limb swelling, seizures and liver injury.
According to a recent health advisory from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, here’s one example of what happened when a human took ivermectin and then called poison control because — SURPRISE! — illness ensued: “An adult drank an injectable ivermectin formulation intended for use in cattle in an attempt to prevent COVID-19 infection.
This patient presented to a hospital with confusion, drowsiness, visual hallucinations, tachypnea, and tremors. The patient recovered after being hospitalized for nine days.”
The FDA summed up this weird situation effectively in a recent tweet: “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.”
I am a horse, and I would like to reiterate that last point: Stop it. You’re making cows look smart. (Sorry. I had to slip a cow burn in here somewhere. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it.)
Look, I appreciate most of you guys, and thanks for all the oats and hay and whatnot. But you really need to come to your senses.
You don’t want to wear a mask? Well, guess what, I don’t want to constantly swish my tail around to keep flies off my rear end. But I do it.
And if somebody came along and said, “Hey, if you take this human medicine that’s not approved for horses and probably doesn’t work, you might never have to swish your tail again, although you might die from diarrhea …”
You know what I’d do? I’D KEEP SWISHING MY DANG TAIL BECAUSE IT’S REALLY NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!!
Anyhoo, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Please get your shots and keep your weird sausage fingers off our ivermectin.
— A horse
https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-hu...story.html
Column: A letter from a horse: Please stop taking ivermectin to treat COVID-19. That’s our medicine, you ninnies.
By REX HUPPKE
CHICAGO TRIBUNE |
AUG 27, 2021 AT 3:37 PM
A horse pokes his head out from a stall at Tukaway Farm in Elgin in 2017. (Stacey Wescott / Chicago Tribune)
Through my numerous sources in the animal kingdom, I received the following letter from a horse. He’s apparently upset about a new fad among COVID-19 vaccine conspiracists: using ivermectin, a livestock dewormer, as protection against or treatment for the virus.
While the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and other public health agencies have spoken out about the extreme wrongness of consuming an anti-parasitic livestock medication when a safe and effective coronavirus vaccine meant for humans is readily available, it seemed worth it to let this horse have his say and enter the following into the public conversation:
Greetings, humans.
You probably expected me to start this letter with “Howdy.” You two-legged types always associate horses with southerners and cowboys. For the record, that’s horse-ist and we don’t appreciate it. I’m from Schaumburg, for Seabiscuit’s sake.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing is to make a simple request on behalf of my fellow horses and livestock everywhere: Please stop taking ivermectin. You keep scooping the stuff up off shelves in farm stores all over creation and, frankly, we’re getting peeved. That’s our medicine, not yours.
You don’t see a bunch of cows strolling into CVS and buying up all the Benadryl, do you? Of course not. That’s partially because of unjust rules that prevent our kind from roaming freely and taking advantage of shopping centers, but it’s mainly because we’re smart enough to know we shouldn’t put human stuff in our nonhuman bodies.
We use ivermectin because we tend to get internal and external parasites, and that stuff knocks them out pretty well.
I recently needed some to treat my sarcoptic mange, but guess what? THE FARM SUPPLY STORE WAS OUT OF IVERMECTIN CAUSE A BUNCH OF YOU READ SOME HOO-HAH ON THE INTERNET AND DECIDED THE SMART MOVE WAS TO IGNORE YOUR DOCTORS AND TAKE SOME HORSE MEDICINE!!!
Unless you were suffering from sarcoptic mange, and are a horse, I’m going to have to ask you to return the ivermectin and stop believing everything you read.
I tried at first to send a note like this to some people in the human anti-vaccine/anti-mask/”COVID isn’t a big deal” community. But it didn’t go well.
I wanted to reach Phil Valentine, a conservative radio host and vaccine skeptic who promoted ivermectin to treat COVID-19, but was unable to because he died from COVID-19.
I wanted to reach Caleb Wallace, a 30-year-old Texas man who organized protests against pandemic restrictions and treated himself with ivermectin when he developed COVID-19 symptoms, but he’s on a ventilator in a Texas intensive care unit.
I wanted to reach H. Scott Apley, a Texas GOP official who spoke out against vaccines and showed support for a mask burning, but he was also unavailable due to dying from COVID-19.
Apparently the phrase “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink” applies to humans as well.
So I’m sending this note out through the press in the hope it does some good.
Here are a few facts:
Ivermectin has been used to treat humans, but it’s not approved as a treatment for COVID-19, and two-legged medical professionals who are not snake-oil salespeople strongly advise against taking it for that purpose.
According to a human I had do research for me in exchange for free rides, the FDA’s website says: “Ivermectin tablets are approved at very specific doses for some parasitic worms, and there are topical (on the skin) formulations for head lice and skin conditions like rosacea. Ivermectin is not an antiviral (a drug for treating viruses). Taking large doses of this drug is dangerous and can cause serious harm.”
The FDA says side effects can include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, facial or limb swelling, seizures and liver injury.
According to a recent health advisory from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, here’s one example of what happened when a human took ivermectin and then called poison control because — SURPRISE! — illness ensued: “An adult drank an injectable ivermectin formulation intended for use in cattle in an attempt to prevent COVID-19 infection.
This patient presented to a hospital with confusion, drowsiness, visual hallucinations, tachypnea, and tremors. The patient recovered after being hospitalized for nine days.”
The FDA summed up this weird situation effectively in a recent tweet: “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.”
I am a horse, and I would like to reiterate that last point: Stop it. You’re making cows look smart. (Sorry. I had to slip a cow burn in here somewhere. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it.)
Look, I appreciate most of you guys, and thanks for all the oats and hay and whatnot. But you really need to come to your senses.
You don’t want to wear a mask? Well, guess what, I don’t want to constantly swish my tail around to keep flies off my rear end. But I do it.
And if somebody came along and said, “Hey, if you take this human medicine that’s not approved for horses and probably doesn’t work, you might never have to swish your tail again, although you might die from diarrhea …”
You know what I’d do? I’D KEEP SWISHING MY DANG TAIL BECAUSE IT’S REALLY NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!!
Anyhoo, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Please get your shots and keep your weird sausage fingers off our ivermectin.
— A horse
https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-hu...story.html
