Golly, I Sure Hope You Like Talking About Horse Dewormer
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 3 comments
Friday, August 27th, 2021
Just to rip the bandaid off right up front, we are indeed now in week three of the Won’t Take No Experimental Vaccine Pass the Horse Dewormer story, in case anybody woke up this morning hoping they’d somehow Rip Van Winkled themselves into saner times. You’re not gettin’ out that easy, pal.
Yes, the whatthefuckest period in American history to date shows no signs of giving way to a new Enlightenment any time soon, though I like our chances once Darwin gets done with these asshats.
Because…yeah, folks’re still eating horse dewormer. More folks than ever are eating horse dewormer, actually. Seems they think it’ll protect them from Covid. It won’t. Because it’s horse dewormer, and therefore designed to deworm horses. Not to fight Covid. If it fought Covid, they’d probably call it “Covid fighter,” rather than, y’know…“horse dewormer.”
Now, far be it from me to offer unsolicited advice, but when contemplating membership in a cult or cultlike organization, where the primary tenet is “fuck every single thing the other side says,” make sure you haven’t set yourself up opposite the team with all the doctors and scientists. Because that’s how you wind up shitting yourself in the grocery store with a belly full of livestock drench.
Anyway, an apple (-flavored horse paste) a day will NOT keep the Covid away, though it just so happens there are THREE SEPARATE FUCKING VACCINES that will. One of ‘em, Pfizer, was even fully approved by the FDA this week, finally, which really ought to’ve been amazing, wonderful news, and a massive step forward in the battle against vaccine hesitancy, but I’ll be a monkey’s sex-trafficking wingman if Fox and the rest of the right-wing jagoffosphere didn’t immediately begin screeching that the approval process had been “rushed,” I guess because Bill Gates was unsatisfied with microchip penetration levels in rural Alabama.
I understand keeping your audience in a perpetual state of garment-rending rage; killing off the very rube army you’ve worked so long and hard to brainwash, at a rate currently exceeding 1,000 per day, seems counterproductive.
New model findings say that without behavioral changes, we’re on track for an additional 100,000 Covid deaths by early December. One hundred thousand. With three vaccines. Did Rupert Murdoch win some sort of animal dewormer production facility in a golf game or something?
While I am an optimist at heart, I believe we have to be honest about the likelihood of the necessary behavioral changes manifesting in a culture that would rather ingest strange chemical products that come in packaging adorned with pictures of animals than accept advice from anyone with actual medical training.
Because now, even the Dotard himself can’t promote vaccination (that dastardly deep state alternative to dying alone on a ventilator) without getting booed.
Wow, it’s like if Frankenstein’s Monster made his own monster and lost control of it. Now that I think of it, Frankenstein Times A Million is gonna be a great title for either a Gore Verbinksi movie or a six-volume, Caro-style opus documenting American history from 2019 through 2021.
Of course, between the boos and the threat of losing Alex Jones’ esteem, Wee Donnie One-Term’s little experiment in responsible behavior is sure to prove short. Gotta ask, though…does no one see the inherent flaw in pandering to suicidal impulses?
Guess not. Because wherever they hold power, Republicans continue governing for the exclusive benefit of the malignantly insane, at the expense of the responsible majority, and if there’re any pollsters out there reading this, feel free to scribble me down as strongly disapproving of that shit .
Down in Texas, Greg Abbott, that champion of freedumb, has been a busy little beaver on the Reaper’s behalf, banning mask and vaccine mandates, while importing mortuary trailers and thousands of out-of-state medical professionals to deal with the carnage he’s unleashed. Nifty little assembly line you’ve set up there, Greg-O. Homicidal, but efficient.
Thank God, a court rescued Florida’s children from their Governor’s Scooby Doo villain plot to turn public schools into Covid incubators, the better to enrich his donors. Oh by the way, this paragraph is brought to you by REGENERON™️, the official pharmaceutical product of Ron DeSantis’ bloodthirsty ambition.
And Kristi Noem, fresh off her second successful Sturgis superspreader event, dared Joe Biden to come to South Dakota so they could arm-wrestle on the table she had carved from the bones of constituents she sent to early graves. One Cult45er was so impressed with Noem’s posturing, he disconnected his ventilator applauding over-vigorously.
…and yet it’s Gavin Newsom facing a recall election. Lordy. (Y’all in California know to vote in that thing, yeah?)
And the 6-3 wingnut SCOTUS majority decided there’s no reason to allow a silly, insignificant obstacle like “losing the presidency in a historic landslide” interfere with Hairplug Himmler’s white nationalist immigration policy, the latest smashing progressive victory delivered by the Hillary Just Didn’t Earn My Vote crowd.
Judging by their unrestrained giddiness, the thirteen American casualties from a tragic suicide bombing in Afghanistan represent the best thing that’s happened to the ghoulish opportunists of the Republican Party since the first Proud Boy breached the Capitol on January 6th. “Impeach Joe Biden,” squeal the very same spineless apparatchiks who enabled the Velveeta Vulgarian’s four-year crime spree. Whatever.
I see Kevin McCarthy is already soggy with drool at the prospect of leaving his own personal stamp on the “Benghazi hearings” genre. Yeah, I’m sure your feral base’ll eat that shit right up. Like horse dewormer. Which brings us back to the problem of turning your people out at the polls after delivering so many of them to Governor Abbott’s mobile morgues.
Okay, this might be a bit weird…we’ve got the format more or less down here at Shower Cap’s Blog, but after years of “lookit this act of fuckery perpetrated by this fascist taintmaggot,” I am surprised and delighted to report an unexpected bumper crop of “fascist taintmaggot finally faces long-overdue consequences for previous fuckery” stories.
Leading the pack are Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, and their whole fetid flock of would-be democracy destroyers, who received a righteous spanking from U.S. District Court Judge Linda Parker, whose 110-page ruling is in no way safe for work.
Also, one of the walking skidmarks who plotted to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer got his loser ass sentenced to six years in prison. Hey, quick Shower Cap Fact: it is against the law to kidnap your governor! Betcha didn’t know that.
In addition, seditious pigfucker Devin Nunes had another of his fascistic nuisance lawsuits dismissed, in a victory for free speech and a massive setback for ham-humping wannabe authoritarians everywhere.
Whew. I don’t know about you, but all that sweet, sweet comeuppance left me with a sticky keyboard. Dare we hope the trend continues? I certainly wouldn’t mind if Scumfuck Justice Roundup became a regular feature.
Maybe we can allow ourselves a little cautious optimism. Maybe this new lawsuit, from seven Capitol Police officers, will take a chunk out of Tangerine Idi Amin and his fashy friends.
And if nothing else, the January 6th commission’s initial salvo of records requests sent a clear shot across Mar-a-Lago’s bow, and even though I’m now hopelessly entangled in cannon metaphors that don’t really work, Bennie Thompson’s merry band is clearly loaded for bear*.
Nobody’s delivering quite so much karmic retribution as our old friend: the novel coronavirus which causes Covid-19. From wingnut talk radio host Phil Valentine to the dirtbag lawyer who represented Kyle Rittenhouse and a bunch of Capitol rioters, those who have fucked around are beginning, one by one, to find out.
Ask Caleb Wallace, 30-year-old father of three. He won’t respond, as he is, as I write this, unconscious in the ICU on a ventilator.
Caleb did everything he was supposed to; he crusaded against masks and organized “freedom rallies” and even gorged himself on fucking horse medication, none of which stopped the virus from ravaging his body, because disinformation doesn’t magically become truth if you just believe hard enough. Tucker Carlson is not your fairy godmother, kids.
Sooooo…yeah. Everything is pretty much insane, but insane in familiar ways, I suppose. Stay safe out there, friends. Don’t let angry weirdos infect you with any diseases.
PS – Hey, for those of you who backed the Kickstarter…rewards surveys have been sent! Answer ‘em as soon as you can, I can’t mail your comics if I don’t have your address! If you don’t see the e-mail in your inbox, take a quick peek in the ol’ junk folder, you may find me there among the erectile dysfunction miracle cures.
*ZING!
http://showercapblog.com/golly-i-sure-hope-yo...-dewormer/
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal | 3 comments
Friday, August 27th, 2021
Just to rip the bandaid off right up front, we are indeed now in week three of the Won’t Take No Experimental Vaccine Pass the Horse Dewormer story, in case anybody woke up this morning hoping they’d somehow Rip Van Winkled themselves into saner times. You’re not gettin’ out that easy, pal.
Yes, the whatthefuckest period in American history to date shows no signs of giving way to a new Enlightenment any time soon, though I like our chances once Darwin gets done with these asshats.
Because…yeah, folks’re still eating horse dewormer. More folks than ever are eating horse dewormer, actually. Seems they think it’ll protect them from Covid. It won’t. Because it’s horse dewormer, and therefore designed to deworm horses. Not to fight Covid. If it fought Covid, they’d probably call it “Covid fighter,” rather than, y’know…“horse dewormer.”
Now, far be it from me to offer unsolicited advice, but when contemplating membership in a cult or cultlike organization, where the primary tenet is “fuck every single thing the other side says,” make sure you haven’t set yourself up opposite the team with all the doctors and scientists. Because that’s how you wind up shitting yourself in the grocery store with a belly full of livestock drench.
Anyway, an apple (-flavored horse paste) a day will NOT keep the Covid away, though it just so happens there are THREE SEPARATE FUCKING VACCINES that will. One of ‘em, Pfizer, was even fully approved by the FDA this week, finally, which really ought to’ve been amazing, wonderful news, and a massive step forward in the battle against vaccine hesitancy, but I’ll be a monkey’s sex-trafficking wingman if Fox and the rest of the right-wing jagoffosphere didn’t immediately begin screeching that the approval process had been “rushed,” I guess because Bill Gates was unsatisfied with microchip penetration levels in rural Alabama.
I understand keeping your audience in a perpetual state of garment-rending rage; killing off the very rube army you’ve worked so long and hard to brainwash, at a rate currently exceeding 1,000 per day, seems counterproductive.
New model findings say that without behavioral changes, we’re on track for an additional 100,000 Covid deaths by early December. One hundred thousand. With three vaccines. Did Rupert Murdoch win some sort of animal dewormer production facility in a golf game or something?
While I am an optimist at heart, I believe we have to be honest about the likelihood of the necessary behavioral changes manifesting in a culture that would rather ingest strange chemical products that come in packaging adorned with pictures of animals than accept advice from anyone with actual medical training.
Because now, even the Dotard himself can’t promote vaccination (that dastardly deep state alternative to dying alone on a ventilator) without getting booed.
Wow, it’s like if Frankenstein’s Monster made his own monster and lost control of it. Now that I think of it, Frankenstein Times A Million is gonna be a great title for either a Gore Verbinksi movie or a six-volume, Caro-style opus documenting American history from 2019 through 2021.
Of course, between the boos and the threat of losing Alex Jones’ esteem, Wee Donnie One-Term’s little experiment in responsible behavior is sure to prove short. Gotta ask, though…does no one see the inherent flaw in pandering to suicidal impulses?
Guess not. Because wherever they hold power, Republicans continue governing for the exclusive benefit of the malignantly insane, at the expense of the responsible majority, and if there’re any pollsters out there reading this, feel free to scribble me down as strongly disapproving of that shit .
Down in Texas, Greg Abbott, that champion of freedumb, has been a busy little beaver on the Reaper’s behalf, banning mask and vaccine mandates, while importing mortuary trailers and thousands of out-of-state medical professionals to deal with the carnage he’s unleashed. Nifty little assembly line you’ve set up there, Greg-O. Homicidal, but efficient.
Thank God, a court rescued Florida’s children from their Governor’s Scooby Doo villain plot to turn public schools into Covid incubators, the better to enrich his donors. Oh by the way, this paragraph is brought to you by REGENERON™️, the official pharmaceutical product of Ron DeSantis’ bloodthirsty ambition.
And Kristi Noem, fresh off her second successful Sturgis superspreader event, dared Joe Biden to come to South Dakota so they could arm-wrestle on the table she had carved from the bones of constituents she sent to early graves. One Cult45er was so impressed with Noem’s posturing, he disconnected his ventilator applauding over-vigorously.
…and yet it’s Gavin Newsom facing a recall election. Lordy. (Y’all in California know to vote in that thing, yeah?)
And the 6-3 wingnut SCOTUS majority decided there’s no reason to allow a silly, insignificant obstacle like “losing the presidency in a historic landslide” interfere with Hairplug Himmler’s white nationalist immigration policy, the latest smashing progressive victory delivered by the Hillary Just Didn’t Earn My Vote crowd.
Judging by their unrestrained giddiness, the thirteen American casualties from a tragic suicide bombing in Afghanistan represent the best thing that’s happened to the ghoulish opportunists of the Republican Party since the first Proud Boy breached the Capitol on January 6th. “Impeach Joe Biden,” squeal the very same spineless apparatchiks who enabled the Velveeta Vulgarian’s four-year crime spree. Whatever.
I see Kevin McCarthy is already soggy with drool at the prospect of leaving his own personal stamp on the “Benghazi hearings” genre. Yeah, I’m sure your feral base’ll eat that shit right up. Like horse dewormer. Which brings us back to the problem of turning your people out at the polls after delivering so many of them to Governor Abbott’s mobile morgues.
Okay, this might be a bit weird…we’ve got the format more or less down here at Shower Cap’s Blog, but after years of “lookit this act of fuckery perpetrated by this fascist taintmaggot,” I am surprised and delighted to report an unexpected bumper crop of “fascist taintmaggot finally faces long-overdue consequences for previous fuckery” stories.
Leading the pack are Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, and their whole fetid flock of would-be democracy destroyers, who received a righteous spanking from U.S. District Court Judge Linda Parker, whose 110-page ruling is in no way safe for work.
Also, one of the walking skidmarks who plotted to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer got his loser ass sentenced to six years in prison. Hey, quick Shower Cap Fact: it is against the law to kidnap your governor! Betcha didn’t know that.
In addition, seditious pigfucker Devin Nunes had another of his fascistic nuisance lawsuits dismissed, in a victory for free speech and a massive setback for ham-humping wannabe authoritarians everywhere.
Whew. I don’t know about you, but all that sweet, sweet comeuppance left me with a sticky keyboard. Dare we hope the trend continues? I certainly wouldn’t mind if Scumfuck Justice Roundup became a regular feature.
Maybe we can allow ourselves a little cautious optimism. Maybe this new lawsuit, from seven Capitol Police officers, will take a chunk out of Tangerine Idi Amin and his fashy friends.
And if nothing else, the January 6th commission’s initial salvo of records requests sent a clear shot across Mar-a-Lago’s bow, and even though I’m now hopelessly entangled in cannon metaphors that don’t really work, Bennie Thompson’s merry band is clearly loaded for bear*.
Nobody’s delivering quite so much karmic retribution as our old friend: the novel coronavirus which causes Covid-19. From wingnut talk radio host Phil Valentine to the dirtbag lawyer who represented Kyle Rittenhouse and a bunch of Capitol rioters, those who have fucked around are beginning, one by one, to find out.
Ask Caleb Wallace, 30-year-old father of three. He won’t respond, as he is, as I write this, unconscious in the ICU on a ventilator.
Caleb did everything he was supposed to; he crusaded against masks and organized “freedom rallies” and even gorged himself on fucking horse medication, none of which stopped the virus from ravaging his body, because disinformation doesn’t magically become truth if you just believe hard enough. Tucker Carlson is not your fairy godmother, kids.
Sooooo…yeah. Everything is pretty much insane, but insane in familiar ways, I suppose. Stay safe out there, friends. Don’t let angry weirdos infect you with any diseases.
PS – Hey, for those of you who backed the Kickstarter…rewards surveys have been sent! Answer ‘em as soon as you can, I can’t mail your comics if I don’t have your address! If you don’t see the e-mail in your inbox, take a quick peek in the ol’ junk folder, you may find me there among the erectile dysfunction miracle cures.
*ZING!
http://showercapblog.com/golly-i-sure-hope-yo...-dewormer/
