As it turns out, humans have a lot in common with donkeys (some more than others!). And unfortunately, when one tries to motivate other humans to behave (or post) the way we want, we often use far too much of the stick and nowhere near enough of the carrot.
The stick takes many forms. It can include criticizing, judging, demanding, insulting, threatening, or intimidating. And, it often involves blaming or evaluating the other person or speaking in harsh words, name calling, or insults.
The technical psychobabble jargon term for “using the stick” to motivate others is “coercion.” People often have a natural tendency to rely on coercion because they just don't know better. A little coercion may actually work, but too much coercion generally make matters much, much worse.
Very often, when we use coercion with others, we get our needs met, but what effect does coercion have in the long-run? How does it affect relationships with other people?
The research on this topic is clear. The more we rely on coercion, the worse the relationship gets. The more coercive the parent, the more stressed and unhappy their children. The more coercive the manager, the more stressed and depressed their employees. The more coercive the spouse, the worse the condition of the marriage. Get the picture? Coercion doesn't really work, and the problems one tries to solve by using it often get much, much worse.
Just as using a big stick can make your donkey sick and miserable so does coercion create stressed, and unhealthy people.
So what’s the alternative? You guessed it: Carrots! Lots and lots and lots and even lots more carrots!
The job of a moderator is to encourage open discussion --- both pro and con --- and the job is not easy. Most mods have their own money invested, and often that leads to only one point of view. However, the best mods see both sides and understand both sides might be correct. While good intentions might seem wonderful at the time, in fact the road to hell is paved by good intentions.
Something to consider as life goes on, and one might find their eyesight actually improves by eating all those carrots.
Kgem
The stick takes many forms. It can include criticizing, judging, demanding, insulting, threatening, or intimidating. And, it often involves blaming or evaluating the other person or speaking in harsh words, name calling, or insults.
The technical psychobabble jargon term for “using the stick” to motivate others is “coercion.” People often have a natural tendency to rely on coercion because they just don't know better. A little coercion may actually work, but too much coercion generally make matters much, much worse.
Very often, when we use coercion with others, we get our needs met, but what effect does coercion have in the long-run? How does it affect relationships with other people?
The research on this topic is clear. The more we rely on coercion, the worse the relationship gets. The more coercive the parent, the more stressed and unhappy their children. The more coercive the manager, the more stressed and depressed their employees. The more coercive the spouse, the worse the condition of the marriage. Get the picture? Coercion doesn't really work, and the problems one tries to solve by using it often get much, much worse.
Just as using a big stick can make your donkey sick and miserable so does coercion create stressed, and unhealthy people.
So what’s the alternative? You guessed it: Carrots! Lots and lots and lots and even lots more carrots!
The job of a moderator is to encourage open discussion --- both pro and con --- and the job is not easy. Most mods have their own money invested, and often that leads to only one point of view. However, the best mods see both sides and understand both sides might be correct. While good intentions might seem wonderful at the time, in fact the road to hell is paved by good intentions.
Something to consider as life goes on, and one might find their eyesight actually improves by eating all those carrots.
Kgem
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