What to do with your upcoming stimulus check. Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore
Instead, keep the money in America by:
Spending it at yard sales, or
Going to ball games, or
Spending it on prostitutes, or
Beer or
Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help. You're welcome!
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore
Instead, keep the money in America by:
Spending it at yard sales, or
Going to ball games, or
Spending it on prostitutes, or
Beer or
Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help. You're welcome!
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