Since P.M.A.S. (Pre Millionaire Anxiety Syndrome)
Post# of 85524
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Posted On: 01/02/2021 1:57:19 PM
Since P.M.A.S. (Pre Millionaire Anxiety Syndrome) is high, I think it’s time for some money jokes to lighten the mood!
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
If you take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.
It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does, however, put you in a good position to bargain.
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!
Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery? The winner gets $5 a year for a million years.
Money isn’t everything, but it definitely keeps you in touch with your children.
What do you call a rich lizard?
A chameleonaire!
"Man, if I had listened my father when I was 8, I could've been rich today"
Friend: What did he say?
Me: I dunno, I didn't listen.
Rich People Problems:
I got a papercut from all the $100 dollar bills
I tripped getting out of my helicopter
I stubbed my toe on my Dad's yacht
My hand hurts from writing all those zeros on my checks
Rich Person: And then I said...... "Pay Taxes? What am I poor?!"
Say "I do" to combining finances.
Based on how much wealthier Bill Gates got in the past year, he makes approximately $380 per second, according toa calculations. That means it wouldn't be worth his time to stop and pick up a $100 bill that he dropped on the ground.
Bill Gates: "A kid asked me for money to buy chocolate. So I gave him all the money I had in my wallet. Now he owns HERSHEY'S"
If your house is threatened by a hurricane, just fly to one of your other houses.
A robber sticks his gun in a Scotsman's ribs and demands, "Your money or your life!" When after a moment there is no answer, he repeats his demand, "Your money or your life!" to which the Scotsman replies, "I'm thinking it over!"
Rich people splurging: F**k it, I'm buying the yacht. Poor people splurging: F**k it, I'm getting an extra order of fries.
A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, “What is your first wish?” The kid says, “I wish I were rich!” The genie replies, “It is done! What is your second wish, Rich?”
A man who needs legal help goes to a lawyer’s office. After being escorted inside, he sits across the desk from the lawyer. The man needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks.
“Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.”
“Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?”
“Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
One day a man went to an auction. When an exotic parrot went on the auction block, the man decided he was going to buy it, no matter what. He wanted the bird so badly, he didn’t think twice about the anonymous bidder who was outbidding him–he just kept bidding, and getting outbid, and bidding higher and higher until he finally won the bird at a price that anyone would call a rip-off. Despite his disappointment about the price, the beautiful bird was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid so much for it, only to discover that he can’t speak!”
“Oh, don’t you worry,” said the Auctioneer. “He’s a talker. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
If you take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.
It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does, however, put you in a good position to bargain.
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!
Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery? The winner gets $5 a year for a million years.
Money isn’t everything, but it definitely keeps you in touch with your children.
What do you call a rich lizard?
A chameleonaire!
"Man, if I had listened my father when I was 8, I could've been rich today"
Friend: What did he say?
Me: I dunno, I didn't listen.
Rich People Problems:
I got a papercut from all the $100 dollar bills
I tripped getting out of my helicopter
I stubbed my toe on my Dad's yacht
My hand hurts from writing all those zeros on my checks
Rich Person: And then I said...... "Pay Taxes? What am I poor?!"
Say "I do" to combining finances.
Based on how much wealthier Bill Gates got in the past year, he makes approximately $380 per second, according toa calculations. That means it wouldn't be worth his time to stop and pick up a $100 bill that he dropped on the ground.
Bill Gates: "A kid asked me for money to buy chocolate. So I gave him all the money I had in my wallet. Now he owns HERSHEY'S"
If your house is threatened by a hurricane, just fly to one of your other houses.
A robber sticks his gun in a Scotsman's ribs and demands, "Your money or your life!" When after a moment there is no answer, he repeats his demand, "Your money or your life!" to which the Scotsman replies, "I'm thinking it over!"
Rich people splurging: F**k it, I'm buying the yacht. Poor people splurging: F**k it, I'm getting an extra order of fries.
A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, “What is your first wish?” The kid says, “I wish I were rich!” The genie replies, “It is done! What is your second wish, Rich?”
A man who needs legal help goes to a lawyer’s office. After being escorted inside, he sits across the desk from the lawyer. The man needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks.
“Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.”
“Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?”
“Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
One day a man went to an auction. When an exotic parrot went on the auction block, the man decided he was going to buy it, no matter what. He wanted the bird so badly, he didn’t think twice about the anonymous bidder who was outbidding him–he just kept bidding, and getting outbid, and bidding higher and higher until he finally won the bird at a price that anyone would call a rip-off. Despite his disappointment about the price, the beautiful bird was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid so much for it, only to discover that he can’t speak!”
“Oh, don’t you worry,” said the Auctioneer. “He’s a talker. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
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