2020 WASHINGTON POST NEOLOGISM CONTEST Coffee: the

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2020 WASHINGTON POST NEOLOGISM CONTEST


Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs


Flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight you have gained


Abdicate: giving up all hope of ever having a flat stomach


Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk


Willy-nilly: impotent


Negligent: describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown


Lymph: to walk with a lisp


Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash


Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks you up after you have been run over by a steamroller


Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline


Testicle: a humorous question on an exam


Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists


Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist


Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms


Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there


Circumvent: an opening on the front door of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men


The Post also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. This year’s winners are:


Bozone: the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


Cashtration: the act of buying a house that renders the subject impotent for an indefinite period


Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high


Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who does not get it


Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late


Hipatitis: terminal coolness


Karmageddon: it’s like when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer


Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease


Decafalon: the grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you


Gilbido: all talk and no action


Dopeler Effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly


Arachnoleptic Fit: the frantic dance performed after you have just walked through a spider’s web


Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out


Caterpallor: the color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating
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