Rudy in Reverse: A Retrospective of Wretchedness
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Posted On: 12/08/2020 8:59:00 AM
Re: Goosebumps #52444
Rudy in Reverse: A Retrospective of Wretchedness
The father went to Sing Sing for sticking up a milkman. The son is even worse.
https://gregolear.substack.com/p/rudy-in-reve...X4TUNk6Mok
Greg Olear
MAKER OF MYTHS, exploiter of national trauma, disseminator of Russian propaganda, spreader of plague, friend of organized crime, ruthless opportunist, fallen crusader, media whore, Trump apologist, feckless performance artist, and, above all, selfish asshole.
To fully appreciate the abject wretchedness of Rudolph William Louis Giuliani—in the event that he dies of covid-19, and sympathetic obituaries whitewash him— it helps to work backwards, Benjamin Button style…
After showing symptoms for five days, a period in which he traveled and spoke extensively, Rudy Giuliani tests positive for the novel coronavirus. It is December 6, 2020. “I’m…feeling good,” he tweets, from a hospital bed at Georgetown Medical Center.
In his capacity as personal attorney for Donald John Trump, Giuliani is the driving force of a quixotic crusade to overturn the election results and keep the president in the White House. It is late autumn, 2020. In service to Trump’s “rigged election” campaign, which will raise some $200,000,000 in two months for the outgoing president, Rudy repeatedly beclowns himself. He brings an “actress” to a hearing in Michigan that is immediately spoofed by SNL. He argues before a judge for the first time in decades, and his suit is thrown out with prejudice.
Hair dye oozes down his cheeks as he sweats during a press conference. He appears in the second Borat feature on his back, on the bed of a hotel room, unzipping his pants, in the company of a woman young enough to be his granddaughter, with whom he is aggressively flirting.
He holds a press conference at the Four Seasons in Philadelphia—the Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a lawn and snow removal operation located between a crematorium and a sex shoppe— only to have half the reporters leave when the election is called for Biden.
In an attempt to manufacture “dirt” on Joe Biden and his son Hunter, Giuliani pressures the Putin-aligned Ukrainian oligarch Dmitri Firtash, whom the U.S. wants to extradite to face corruption and bribery charges, for help.
It is the summer of 2019. Firtash is made to understand that in exchange for retaining the services of Rudy’s attorney pals—Victoria Toensing and Joseph diGenova—and helping investigate the Bidens, Rudy will make his legal issues go away.
This all culminates in the Trump phone call to Ukrainian president Zelensky in July for which he will be impeached. In August, Toensing and diGenova argue before Attorney General Bill Barr that Firtash’s charges should be dropped.
The father went to Sing Sing for sticking up a milkman. The son is even worse.
https://gregolear.substack.com/p/rudy-in-reve...X4TUNk6Mok
Greg Olear
MAKER OF MYTHS, exploiter of national trauma, disseminator of Russian propaganda, spreader of plague, friend of organized crime, ruthless opportunist, fallen crusader, media whore, Trump apologist, feckless performance artist, and, above all, selfish asshole.
To fully appreciate the abject wretchedness of Rudolph William Louis Giuliani—in the event that he dies of covid-19, and sympathetic obituaries whitewash him— it helps to work backwards, Benjamin Button style…
After showing symptoms for five days, a period in which he traveled and spoke extensively, Rudy Giuliani tests positive for the novel coronavirus. It is December 6, 2020. “I’m…feeling good,” he tweets, from a hospital bed at Georgetown Medical Center.
In his capacity as personal attorney for Donald John Trump, Giuliani is the driving force of a quixotic crusade to overturn the election results and keep the president in the White House. It is late autumn, 2020. In service to Trump’s “rigged election” campaign, which will raise some $200,000,000 in two months for the outgoing president, Rudy repeatedly beclowns himself. He brings an “actress” to a hearing in Michigan that is immediately spoofed by SNL. He argues before a judge for the first time in decades, and his suit is thrown out with prejudice.
Hair dye oozes down his cheeks as he sweats during a press conference. He appears in the second Borat feature on his back, on the bed of a hotel room, unzipping his pants, in the company of a woman young enough to be his granddaughter, with whom he is aggressively flirting.
He holds a press conference at the Four Seasons in Philadelphia—the Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a lawn and snow removal operation located between a crematorium and a sex shoppe— only to have half the reporters leave when the election is called for Biden.
In an attempt to manufacture “dirt” on Joe Biden and his son Hunter, Giuliani pressures the Putin-aligned Ukrainian oligarch Dmitri Firtash, whom the U.S. wants to extradite to face corruption and bribery charges, for help.
It is the summer of 2019. Firtash is made to understand that in exchange for retaining the services of Rudy’s attorney pals—Victoria Toensing and Joseph diGenova—and helping investigate the Bidens, Rudy will make his legal issues go away.
This all culminates in the Trump phone call to Ukrainian president Zelensky in July for which he will be impeached. In August, Toensing and diGenova argue before Attorney General Bill Barr that Firtash’s charges should be dropped.
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