Letters from The Battle of Lake Travis
Reads like a Ken Burns' recitation of letters from
'The Civil War'...
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100214030813
Dearest Annabel:
Although we have much to celebrate from our first encounter with the Incumbent Flotilla, they encountering heavy loss at the hands of our noble submarine forces, we see that they are mighty in number.
The battle raged for the full day, and our supplies are now dwindling. We are running short of hamberders and covfefe. This war will likely last into the Fall. How I long to return to the bosom of my family.
Your loving husband.
2. Dearest Josephine,
We took heavy fire from the ANTIFA Navy, but were never able to catch sight of even one of them. My guns, wallet, and anti-mask disability card now lie in the muddy depths of Lake Travis. Send supplies, for when we asked our commander for aid in our hour of need, he said “I only like sailors who don’t sink,” and motored away, swamping a mere 30 foot cruiser in his wake.
Your devoted Kyle.
7. LOL!
Dearest Karen,
Our fleet sailed full of high morale, dear leaders flag prominently showing its colors and singing Onward Xtian Soldiers while drinking Keystone Lite. Little did we know of the trap we were sailing into. Antifa must have developed stealth and silent technology as we never detected their submarines.
Out of no where several torpedoes of Campbell's Tomato soup exploded on our bow and stern. It was a frightening sight to see, so many sailors covered in a red bloody mess.
Other ships scrambled fast as they could go, but in the panic to avoid the onslaught of the tomato soup torpedo, they inadvertently sank other allied ships. I was rescued by the ship "Suckers and Losers" and have been granted shore leave to return home.
Humbly,
Chad.
P.S. You were right, I should have purchased the boat insurance.
12. In case you need a soundtrack for your letter . . .
Reads like a Ken Burns' recitation of letters from
'The Civil War'...
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100214030813
Dearest Annabel:
Although we have much to celebrate from our first encounter with the Incumbent Flotilla, they encountering heavy loss at the hands of our noble submarine forces, we see that they are mighty in number.
The battle raged for the full day, and our supplies are now dwindling. We are running short of hamberders and covfefe. This war will likely last into the Fall. How I long to return to the bosom of my family.
Your loving husband.
2. Dearest Josephine,
We took heavy fire from the ANTIFA Navy, but were never able to catch sight of even one of them. My guns, wallet, and anti-mask disability card now lie in the muddy depths of Lake Travis. Send supplies, for when we asked our commander for aid in our hour of need, he said “I only like sailors who don’t sink,” and motored away, swamping a mere 30 foot cruiser in his wake.
Your devoted Kyle.
7. LOL!
Dearest Karen,
Our fleet sailed full of high morale, dear leaders flag prominently showing its colors and singing Onward Xtian Soldiers while drinking Keystone Lite. Little did we know of the trap we were sailing into. Antifa must have developed stealth and silent technology as we never detected their submarines.
Out of no where several torpedoes of Campbell's Tomato soup exploded on our bow and stern. It was a frightening sight to see, so many sailors covered in a red bloody mess.
Other ships scrambled fast as they could go, but in the panic to avoid the onslaught of the tomato soup torpedo, they inadvertently sank other allied ships. I was rescued by the ship "Suckers and Losers" and have been granted shore leave to return home.
Humbly,
Chad.
P.S. You were right, I should have purchased the boat insurance.
12. In case you need a soundtrack for your letter . . .
2
