Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.
Failure is not an option—it comes bundled with the software.
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer ...oh wait, he does
Autocorrect can go to He'll
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos--That one is for Salty
https://onelinefun.com/it/8/