Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it.
Ice cream is clearly God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
I always shout "PIZZA'S HERE"! so the delivery guy doesn't think I'm eating two pizzas by myself.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there's no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Marriage: It's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
If you don't like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don't know who this woman is but she's my new life coach.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It's delicious.
You know you're getting old when the noises you used to make during sex, you now make getting out of bed.
I don't know who you are, but if you don't stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
I'm sorry but shits and giggles don't sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
My Bride can be so annoying. "Do you think I'm sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me, already!
‘Tis the season for overweight men on couches to inaccurately use the pronoun “we” while watching football on TV.
I'm sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
Source: SHOENUFFSTUFF at iFib
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it.
Ice cream is clearly God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
I always shout "PIZZA'S HERE"! so the delivery guy doesn't think I'm eating two pizzas by myself.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there's no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Marriage: It's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
If you don't like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don't know who this woman is but she's my new life coach.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It's delicious.
You know you're getting old when the noises you used to make during sex, you now make getting out of bed.
I don't know who you are, but if you don't stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
I'm sorry but shits and giggles don't sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
My Bride can be so annoying. "Do you think I'm sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me, already!
‘Tis the season for overweight men on couches to inaccurately use the pronoun “we” while watching football on TV.
I'm sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
Source: SHOENUFFSTUFF at iFib
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