I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really, Want: FUCKING GUN CONTROL
Monday, August 5th, 2019
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal |
http://showercapblog.com/ill-tell-you-what-i-...n-control/
A white supremacist terrorist, incited by the incessant hate of President Donald Trump, committed mass murder on Saturday, so there aren’t going to be any jokes tonight.
A white supremacist terrorist, incited by the incessant hate of President Donald Trump, killed 22 human beings and wounded two dozen more. And what happens now is that the President and his party will fight like hell to make sure the next white supremacist terrorist has as few obstacles in his path as possible.
And yes, another mass shooting took place just a few hours later, in Dayton, Ohio. Not a white supremacist this time, but another angry white boy, who apparently kept a “hit list” and a “rape list” in high school, just like every other average all-American boy who should definitely be allowed to purchase firearms.
But to tomorrow’s would-be mass shooters I say: fear not, the Republican Party is as devoted as ever to preserving YOUR right to slaughter as many people as you can before the cops show up.
The GOP playbook is the same as it’s always been, after decades of these completely preventable, utterly unnecessary, tragedies; dissemble, whine, and hide until the rage subsides. Once it does, go right back to the very same fear-mongering that inspires this shit in the first place. For the Republican Party, the problem today isn’t about the tragic loss of human lives, it’s about adjusting the volume knob on the propaganda machine for a few days.
Let’s cut through the crap, shall we?
They try to blame video games. The data here is clear, and it screams BULLSHIT.
They try to blame mental illness. The data here is clear, and it screams BULLSHIT.
And yeah, listening to horseshit deflections about mental illness from the very rectal boil who signed a bill reversing an Obama-era regulation designed to make it harder for people with mental illnesses to get ahold of guns is right at the top of the list of Shit I’m Not Having Today.
Meanwhile, it was House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy who trotted out that tired old video games routine, like a flea circus in an outhouse. Kevin, bro, you’re like the human appendix, you have two settings; completely useless or life-threatening.
Anyway, these devious little shitstains aren’t as dumb as they want us to think they are; they know full goddamn well this isn’t about Call of Fucking Duty, they just need an almost-plausible excuse to help them navigate an awkward television interview or two in between the latest massacre and the next NRA fundraiser. That’s the nasty truth here; they don’t want to solve the problem.
Let me say that again.
They don’t want to solve the problem.
All available data, from all over the world, tells us gun control works. But the Republican Party wants to sell more guns, not less. And they want to so much that they’ll swim through an ocean of American blood before asking the gun lobby to concede a single inch.
And so they offer the customary thoughts and prayers, as though we’re not onto hollowness of that particular scam. Kids, you make a mockery of the very concept of rational thought, and that you have the audacity to invoke prayer is blasphemy that makes Lucifer blush.
Take your thoughts and your prayers and shove them up your ass; in fact, propel them backwards through your entire digestive system till they rocket back out of your mewling coward’s mouths.
Of course, I’m always amazed at the way Hairplug Himmler responds to the violence he causes. The bar is so low; we know he’s a sociopath, we know he’s a white supremacist, we expect atrocity from his every word, but like the Thomas Edison of hate, he keeps discovering innovative new ways to tear this country apart.
Like, imagine if George W. Bush had reacted to 9/11 by telling America “Maybe this bin Laden fellah went a smidge too far, but we really oughta listen to some of what he’s sayin’!” Because that’s exactly what this stool sample of a man did, regurgitating his old attacks on the media, using the very same rhetoric about “fake news” found in the terrorist’s manifesto, even as some of his hospitalized victims struggled through the last hours of their lives.
Even after this rhetoric previously incited another American terrorist to mail 16 bombs to those he perceived as his Turd Emperor’s enemies. Even after the Capitol Gazette shooting.
He knows his words inspire terrorists to kill, and he
Still
Won’t
Stop.
And folks, I don’t know if there’s been a more perfect encapsulation of our sociopath president’s attitude towards gun violence than his inability to even retain the name of the grieving community long enough to muddle through a brief, painfully insincere, TelePrompTer speech. “Toledo, Dayton, alive, slaughtered-like-cattle-in-a-hail-of-gunfire, who gives a shit, I’d rather be watching TV, and in fact fuck you for making me give this speech.”
P.S., the usual suspects in the pundit class giddily praised this “change in tone,” (from the terrifying environment of the regularly-held Klan rallies that are now a fact of life in our country, I guess) delighted at the opportunity to be seen publicly taking Trump’s side, a welcome offering to the God of Bothsidesism*, all because he managed to read a few words off a screen without giving in to the urge to thank the terrorist for his help, live on national television.
The senile old jackass couldn’t even fake somber self-reflection for an hour or two over the weekend. He went golfing. Promoted a UFC fight. Trotted out his emptiest shit-eating grin to pose for photos at a wedding at his tacky New Jersey golf resort. If he has any emotional response at all to these tragedies, it’s irritation and self-pity that he has to tone down the hate speech for a week or two.
Plus, ever on the lookout for new opportunities to Make American White Again, the Shart of the Deal shrewdly offered to swap mild gun control measures for the chance to check a few items off the Bannon/Miller white nationalist “immigration reform” Xmas list.
“Look, me and the terrorist want the exact same thing; placate us and we’ll let you have your precious background checks” may seem like an absolutely psychotic position to take, but you have to expect this sort of thing when you elect the worst person in the world.
You may have heard a little rumor, that President Ostomy Bag removed a bunch of tweets using the dehumanizing “ migrant invasion” rhetoric from his timeline. Nope, even that minuscule gesture towards basic decency is too much to ask of him.
Look at the re-election ads these monstrous bastards run on Facebook; invasion, invasion, invasion…like, I understand that after two and half years of non-stop failure, running on your record is not a viable option. But maybe you should just take the L, rather than trying to start a motherfucking race war, huh?
Is it really too much to ask for a little shame from the White House staff? Can’t we get one grudging acknowledgement that “hey, we’ve taken this too far,” or are all y’all too busy doing Jell-O shots in Stephen Miller’s office to celebrate a job well done?
Will there be not one single principled resignation? One Undersecretary in Charge of Spell-Checking Highway Signs? The intern who has to pick the onions out of Steve Mnuchin’s lunch salad?
Of course not. It’s no longer reasonable to expect the slightest bit of courage or morality from Republicans. Because if they have to stand on a few new gravestones to pull those last few hard-to-reach judicial appointments off the top shelf, understand they will do so without a moment’s hesitation.
There is such thunderous silence from the institutional GOP that a six-tweet thread from a Nebraska state Senator named John McCollister, condemning his party’s shameful complicity, made national news. Now John, I appreciate it, but the truth is you’re way late, this assignment was due immediately after the Charlottesville “very fine people on both sides” speech.
For the rest of your misbegotten party, I know y’all have long since covered every mirror in your homes with duct tape because you can’t stand the sight of yourselves, but please understand that we, the American people, have noticed your cowardice and your complicity, and we are sick to fucking death of it.
On the other hand, you have Ohio state rep Candice Keller, who blamed the shootings on basically the entire demented list of personal grievances dictated to her by the maggots gnawing on her misfiring, indoctrinated, little brain.
How convenient. Y’know, maybe I should get in on this game. “Mass shootings occur because Target always runs out of those strawberry-flavored marshmallows I like, and because of the bar at the end of my street that blasts Love Shack at unacceptable volumes after midnight,” that’s just what I think and you can’t tell me any different.
All you fake-ass evangelicals better hope with all your black, bought-and-paid-for hearts that you’re wrong about this “God” thing, because when you show up at the pearly gates, caked from head to toe in the blood of children, begging to be judged by your words rather than your actions, the angels are gonna rupture their guts laughing at you.
Mitch McConnell, you walking, talking, structural flaw in the Constitution, you sneering troll, stumbling drunk on power for its own sake, we will see your legacy written in bloody liquid shit, which you so richly deserve. PASS THE MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE GUN CONTROL BILLS, YOU SHIT. Just this once, acknowledge that maybe our lives matter more than your partisan scorekeeping.
While we’re talking about him, Moscow Mitch, perhaps worried that somebody somewhere might mistake him for a human being in possession of a thimbleful of decency, thought this was an appropriate moment in time to tweet out an image depicting the tombstone of his likely Democratic opponent in 2020, Amy McGrath. Oh and the young men of “Team Mitch” are already absorbing his lessons on just how fucking amusing violence against your female political opponents can be.
Now, I don’t expect anything as silly as “observable real-world evidence” to interfere with the macho cowboy fantasies of the gun-humper crowd, but the Dayton shooter was killed by police, who happened to be patrolling nearby, within 30 seconds of his first shot. In those 30 seconds, he fired off 41 rounds, shooting 14 people, killing 9 of them. That is, again, in probably the best-possible-case scenario, Good Guy With a Gun-wise. Nine deaths.
Must we continue to allow gun policy to be set by fuckwits who don’t understand that the reason John Wayne never missed and never got shot was because he was working off a goddamn script?
Because that’s how we end up with an angry incel, armed with a .223-caliber high-capacity rifle with 100-round drum magazines, killing everyone in sight just because he fucking felt like it.
100 rounds, have you seen this beast? There is no earthly purpose for that product beyond the mass slaughter of human beings. And if you think there’s some sort of “right” to own such obscenities, kindly slap my Constitution out of your filthy mouth.
You probably get the impression after all this ranting and raving that I’m angry about this, and I suppose I am. But one thing I am not is hopeless; we have the NRA crowd on the run. Last fall, we chased those craven sycophants out of office all over this country, in districts where they’ve long felt untouchable. And we will build on that progress next year. The tide has turned on this shit; it’s time for the bloodthirsty death merchants to fear US for a change.
To all the shitty little white supremacist dorks, cheering on the bloodshed from your mom’s basement, take a quick look around your life; you’re all still losers, yeah? Thought so. You chant “you will not replace us?” What the fuck do you imagine you have to offer that’s worth replacing?
And to the Republican Party that has worked so diligently to nurture this epidemic of racist violence, I say: this blood is on your hands and we will move heaven and hell to hold you accountable.
Yes, I know you come to this blog expecting poop jokes a news roundup, and God knows, there’s plenty of the usual day-to-day insanity, including the latest episode of Donnie Dotard’s Dumbfuck Trade War Blows Up the Economy, but we’ll get caught up later this week. My apologies.
In the meantime, plenty of great organizations could use your help tonight. Everytown/Moms Demand Action and SPLC are two of my favorites.
Stay safe out there, Resisters.
PS, as I was working up tonight’s piece, additional information broke about the absolute scumfuck who carried out the shooting in Dayton. It’s…pretty fucking disturbing, and honestly, don’t click on the article unless you can’t live without knowing about the “Pornogrind” scene. I was certainly a lot happier before I did.
https://news.vice.com/en_us/article/j5yekp/ex...ling-women
*Basically Chuck Todd with ram’s horns
Monday, August 5th, 2019
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal |
http://showercapblog.com/ill-tell-you-what-i-...n-control/
A white supremacist terrorist, incited by the incessant hate of President Donald Trump, committed mass murder on Saturday, so there aren’t going to be any jokes tonight.
A white supremacist terrorist, incited by the incessant hate of President Donald Trump, killed 22 human beings and wounded two dozen more. And what happens now is that the President and his party will fight like hell to make sure the next white supremacist terrorist has as few obstacles in his path as possible.
And yes, another mass shooting took place just a few hours later, in Dayton, Ohio. Not a white supremacist this time, but another angry white boy, who apparently kept a “hit list” and a “rape list” in high school, just like every other average all-American boy who should definitely be allowed to purchase firearms.
But to tomorrow’s would-be mass shooters I say: fear not, the Republican Party is as devoted as ever to preserving YOUR right to slaughter as many people as you can before the cops show up.
The GOP playbook is the same as it’s always been, after decades of these completely preventable, utterly unnecessary, tragedies; dissemble, whine, and hide until the rage subsides. Once it does, go right back to the very same fear-mongering that inspires this shit in the first place. For the Republican Party, the problem today isn’t about the tragic loss of human lives, it’s about adjusting the volume knob on the propaganda machine for a few days.
Let’s cut through the crap, shall we?
They try to blame video games. The data here is clear, and it screams BULLSHIT.
They try to blame mental illness. The data here is clear, and it screams BULLSHIT.
And yeah, listening to horseshit deflections about mental illness from the very rectal boil who signed a bill reversing an Obama-era regulation designed to make it harder for people with mental illnesses to get ahold of guns is right at the top of the list of Shit I’m Not Having Today.
Meanwhile, it was House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy who trotted out that tired old video games routine, like a flea circus in an outhouse. Kevin, bro, you’re like the human appendix, you have two settings; completely useless or life-threatening.
Anyway, these devious little shitstains aren’t as dumb as they want us to think they are; they know full goddamn well this isn’t about Call of Fucking Duty, they just need an almost-plausible excuse to help them navigate an awkward television interview or two in between the latest massacre and the next NRA fundraiser. That’s the nasty truth here; they don’t want to solve the problem.
Let me say that again.
They don’t want to solve the problem.
All available data, from all over the world, tells us gun control works. But the Republican Party wants to sell more guns, not less. And they want to so much that they’ll swim through an ocean of American blood before asking the gun lobby to concede a single inch.
And so they offer the customary thoughts and prayers, as though we’re not onto hollowness of that particular scam. Kids, you make a mockery of the very concept of rational thought, and that you have the audacity to invoke prayer is blasphemy that makes Lucifer blush.
Take your thoughts and your prayers and shove them up your ass; in fact, propel them backwards through your entire digestive system till they rocket back out of your mewling coward’s mouths.
Of course, I’m always amazed at the way Hairplug Himmler responds to the violence he causes. The bar is so low; we know he’s a sociopath, we know he’s a white supremacist, we expect atrocity from his every word, but like the Thomas Edison of hate, he keeps discovering innovative new ways to tear this country apart.
Like, imagine if George W. Bush had reacted to 9/11 by telling America “Maybe this bin Laden fellah went a smidge too far, but we really oughta listen to some of what he’s sayin’!” Because that’s exactly what this stool sample of a man did, regurgitating his old attacks on the media, using the very same rhetoric about “fake news” found in the terrorist’s manifesto, even as some of his hospitalized victims struggled through the last hours of their lives.
Even after this rhetoric previously incited another American terrorist to mail 16 bombs to those he perceived as his Turd Emperor’s enemies. Even after the Capitol Gazette shooting.
He knows his words inspire terrorists to kill, and he
Still
Won’t
Stop.
And folks, I don’t know if there’s been a more perfect encapsulation of our sociopath president’s attitude towards gun violence than his inability to even retain the name of the grieving community long enough to muddle through a brief, painfully insincere, TelePrompTer speech. “Toledo, Dayton, alive, slaughtered-like-cattle-in-a-hail-of-gunfire, who gives a shit, I’d rather be watching TV, and in fact fuck you for making me give this speech.”
P.S., the usual suspects in the pundit class giddily praised this “change in tone,” (from the terrifying environment of the regularly-held Klan rallies that are now a fact of life in our country, I guess) delighted at the opportunity to be seen publicly taking Trump’s side, a welcome offering to the God of Bothsidesism*, all because he managed to read a few words off a screen without giving in to the urge to thank the terrorist for his help, live on national television.
The senile old jackass couldn’t even fake somber self-reflection for an hour or two over the weekend. He went golfing. Promoted a UFC fight. Trotted out his emptiest shit-eating grin to pose for photos at a wedding at his tacky New Jersey golf resort. If he has any emotional response at all to these tragedies, it’s irritation and self-pity that he has to tone down the hate speech for a week or two.
Plus, ever on the lookout for new opportunities to Make American White Again, the Shart of the Deal shrewdly offered to swap mild gun control measures for the chance to check a few items off the Bannon/Miller white nationalist “immigration reform” Xmas list.
“Look, me and the terrorist want the exact same thing; placate us and we’ll let you have your precious background checks” may seem like an absolutely psychotic position to take, but you have to expect this sort of thing when you elect the worst person in the world.
You may have heard a little rumor, that President Ostomy Bag removed a bunch of tweets using the dehumanizing “ migrant invasion” rhetoric from his timeline. Nope, even that minuscule gesture towards basic decency is too much to ask of him.
Look at the re-election ads these monstrous bastards run on Facebook; invasion, invasion, invasion…like, I understand that after two and half years of non-stop failure, running on your record is not a viable option. But maybe you should just take the L, rather than trying to start a motherfucking race war, huh?
Is it really too much to ask for a little shame from the White House staff? Can’t we get one grudging acknowledgement that “hey, we’ve taken this too far,” or are all y’all too busy doing Jell-O shots in Stephen Miller’s office to celebrate a job well done?
Will there be not one single principled resignation? One Undersecretary in Charge of Spell-Checking Highway Signs? The intern who has to pick the onions out of Steve Mnuchin’s lunch salad?
Of course not. It’s no longer reasonable to expect the slightest bit of courage or morality from Republicans. Because if they have to stand on a few new gravestones to pull those last few hard-to-reach judicial appointments off the top shelf, understand they will do so without a moment’s hesitation.
There is such thunderous silence from the institutional GOP that a six-tweet thread from a Nebraska state Senator named John McCollister, condemning his party’s shameful complicity, made national news. Now John, I appreciate it, but the truth is you’re way late, this assignment was due immediately after the Charlottesville “very fine people on both sides” speech.
For the rest of your misbegotten party, I know y’all have long since covered every mirror in your homes with duct tape because you can’t stand the sight of yourselves, but please understand that we, the American people, have noticed your cowardice and your complicity, and we are sick to fucking death of it.
On the other hand, you have Ohio state rep Candice Keller, who blamed the shootings on basically the entire demented list of personal grievances dictated to her by the maggots gnawing on her misfiring, indoctrinated, little brain.
How convenient. Y’know, maybe I should get in on this game. “Mass shootings occur because Target always runs out of those strawberry-flavored marshmallows I like, and because of the bar at the end of my street that blasts Love Shack at unacceptable volumes after midnight,” that’s just what I think and you can’t tell me any different.
All you fake-ass evangelicals better hope with all your black, bought-and-paid-for hearts that you’re wrong about this “God” thing, because when you show up at the pearly gates, caked from head to toe in the blood of children, begging to be judged by your words rather than your actions, the angels are gonna rupture their guts laughing at you.
Mitch McConnell, you walking, talking, structural flaw in the Constitution, you sneering troll, stumbling drunk on power for its own sake, we will see your legacy written in bloody liquid shit, which you so richly deserve. PASS THE MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE GUN CONTROL BILLS, YOU SHIT. Just this once, acknowledge that maybe our lives matter more than your partisan scorekeeping.
While we’re talking about him, Moscow Mitch, perhaps worried that somebody somewhere might mistake him for a human being in possession of a thimbleful of decency, thought this was an appropriate moment in time to tweet out an image depicting the tombstone of his likely Democratic opponent in 2020, Amy McGrath. Oh and the young men of “Team Mitch” are already absorbing his lessons on just how fucking amusing violence against your female political opponents can be.
Now, I don’t expect anything as silly as “observable real-world evidence” to interfere with the macho cowboy fantasies of the gun-humper crowd, but the Dayton shooter was killed by police, who happened to be patrolling nearby, within 30 seconds of his first shot. In those 30 seconds, he fired off 41 rounds, shooting 14 people, killing 9 of them. That is, again, in probably the best-possible-case scenario, Good Guy With a Gun-wise. Nine deaths.
Must we continue to allow gun policy to be set by fuckwits who don’t understand that the reason John Wayne never missed and never got shot was because he was working off a goddamn script?
Because that’s how we end up with an angry incel, armed with a .223-caliber high-capacity rifle with 100-round drum magazines, killing everyone in sight just because he fucking felt like it.
100 rounds, have you seen this beast? There is no earthly purpose for that product beyond the mass slaughter of human beings. And if you think there’s some sort of “right” to own such obscenities, kindly slap my Constitution out of your filthy mouth.
You probably get the impression after all this ranting and raving that I’m angry about this, and I suppose I am. But one thing I am not is hopeless; we have the NRA crowd on the run. Last fall, we chased those craven sycophants out of office all over this country, in districts where they’ve long felt untouchable. And we will build on that progress next year. The tide has turned on this shit; it’s time for the bloodthirsty death merchants to fear US for a change.
To all the shitty little white supremacist dorks, cheering on the bloodshed from your mom’s basement, take a quick look around your life; you’re all still losers, yeah? Thought so. You chant “you will not replace us?” What the fuck do you imagine you have to offer that’s worth replacing?
And to the Republican Party that has worked so diligently to nurture this epidemic of racist violence, I say: this blood is on your hands and we will move heaven and hell to hold you accountable.
Yes, I know you come to this blog expecting poop jokes a news roundup, and God knows, there’s plenty of the usual day-to-day insanity, including the latest episode of Donnie Dotard’s Dumbfuck Trade War Blows Up the Economy, but we’ll get caught up later this week. My apologies.
In the meantime, plenty of great organizations could use your help tonight. Everytown/Moms Demand Action and SPLC are two of my favorites.
Stay safe out there, Resisters.
PS, as I was working up tonight’s piece, additional information broke about the absolute scumfuck who carried out the shooting in Dayton. It’s…pretty fucking disturbing, and honestly, don’t click on the article unless you can’t live without knowing about the “Pornogrind” scene. I was certainly a lot happier before I did.
https://news.vice.com/en_us/article/j5yekp/ex...ling-women
*Basically Chuck Todd with ram’s horns
