I hate when I forget to shave then people assume
Post# of 123763
(Total Views: 152)
Posted On: 04/20/2019 7:27:33 AM
I hate when I forget to shave then people assume
I'm a hippie and start talking about recycling.
I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding
helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat.
Pretending you're dead to avoid conversation in
the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.
If you don't like the idea of wiping someone's
ass in the middle of eating a delicious meal, you probably shouldn't become a parent.
"No more Mr Nice Guy"
~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy
My day has been so awful I keep looking around
to see if Nicolas Cage is in it.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw
orgies.
My cat said "meow", so I answered with a "meow",
and now I'm afraid of what I may have agreed to.
I got drunk with my dad once and I asked him if
his boner curved to the left too.
He replied "No, you got that from your mother".
The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to
convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.
Last night I finally slept with a woman who has
a Coke bottle figure.
Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
Whenever I'm in a difficult situation, I think,
"What would I do?" so I can do the opposite thing.
How thin do you have to be to go skinny dipping?
I just ate so much Chinese food that now I'm
able to use algorithms based on linear algebra to solve large numerical systems
Nothing says authentic Chinese food like a
neon "We Delivery" sign.
The trouble with lawyer jokes is that
lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib
I'm a hippie and start talking about recycling.
I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding
helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat.
Pretending you're dead to avoid conversation in
the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.
If you don't like the idea of wiping someone's
ass in the middle of eating a delicious meal, you probably shouldn't become a parent.
"No more Mr Nice Guy"
~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy
My day has been so awful I keep looking around
to see if Nicolas Cage is in it.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw
orgies.
My cat said "meow", so I answered with a "meow",
and now I'm afraid of what I may have agreed to.
I got drunk with my dad once and I asked him if
his boner curved to the left too.
He replied "No, you got that from your mother".
The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to
convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.
Last night I finally slept with a woman who has
a Coke bottle figure.
Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
Whenever I'm in a difficult situation, I think,
"What would I do?" so I can do the opposite thing.
How thin do you have to be to go skinny dipping?
I just ate so much Chinese food that now I'm
able to use algorithms based on linear algebra to solve large numerical systems
Nothing says authentic Chinese food like a
neon "We Delivery" sign.
The trouble with lawyer jokes is that
lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib
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