Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children !"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Never mind."
It was so quiet at the Hollywood Starbucks this
morning, you could hear a name drop.
Me to Dominos Pizza store:
"Hey, I ordered a pizza and it came with no toppings, just dough."
Dominos: "Sorry for the mistake."
Me:" Oh wait, never mind, I opened the box upside down."
I took my girl back to my apartment. "You haven't removed many bras have you?" she sighed. "What gave it away?" "The scissors, mainly."
I'm playing the African version of Monopoly. So far I've got four mud huts, three cows, a chicken and AIDS.
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing someone else because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
The judge says I'm a repeat offender. But he always says that.
Living next door to the graveyard has negatively impacted the value of my house..... But I do save a fortune in flowers for the ole' lady.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Arrrgghh! I hate being Bipolar, it's great.
From SHORENUFFSTUDD at iFib
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children !"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Never mind."
It was so quiet at the Hollywood Starbucks this
morning, you could hear a name drop.
Me to Dominos Pizza store:
"Hey, I ordered a pizza and it came with no toppings, just dough."
Dominos: "Sorry for the mistake."
Me:" Oh wait, never mind, I opened the box upside down."
I took my girl back to my apartment. "You haven't removed many bras have you?" she sighed. "What gave it away?" "The scissors, mainly."
I'm playing the African version of Monopoly. So far I've got four mud huts, three cows, a chicken and AIDS.
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing someone else because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
The judge says I'm a repeat offender. But he always says that.
Living next door to the graveyard has negatively impacted the value of my house..... But I do save a fortune in flowers for the ole' lady.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Arrrgghh! I hate being Bipolar, it's great.
From SHORENUFFSTUDD at iFib
