I'll tell you what kind of phone I didn't buy fell

I'll tell you what kind of phone I didn't buy fella! Actually I went on a drinking binge and wrote one too many parody songs to look. Getting a new phone is a delicate matter! Im looking for something retro with real buttons with the Star Trek flip feature, with a high resolution camera, you know, real futuristic like! The current batch of phones are a dime a dozen! I want to control my phone, not the phone control me! WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!