Don’t worry about the world coming to an end tod
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Posted On: 12/31/2018 1:51:37 PM
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia...
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong...
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets...
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed...
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits...
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening...
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads....I cringed while writing that one all!
At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other...
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too...
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical...
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind but always be polite...
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper and realize reality for what it truly is...
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem...
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease....
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity....
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile...
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives....
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove to them that you don’t need it...
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you...
Political correctness is tyranny with manners...
A day without laughter is a day wasted. Don't waste your days people, laugh WITH others, not at them.
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong...
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets...
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed...
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits...
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening...
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads....I cringed while writing that one all!
At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other...
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too...
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical...
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind but always be polite...
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper and realize reality for what it truly is...
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem...
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease....
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity....
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile...
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives....
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove to them that you don’t need it...
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you...
Political correctness is tyranny with manners...
A day without laughter is a day wasted. Don't waste your days people, laugh WITH others, not at them.
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