Here’s mine:
Happy New Year, Believers! Did you know that January is international hangover month? (Wow, that sounds official - I bet that gets their attention) Billions of people wake up on the first of January, feeling the effects of their regrettable decisions from the previous night and year. Billions more need a shot of energy to get back to the office after the holiday drinking season. (Listen to this big numbers... surely that implies tremendous market potential...) Hjoe is there to get everyone rockin’ into the new year! (This should have them hooked for another year of that believer crap...)
We have had a long road to get where we are, and we thank each one of our believers for standing with us against the evil people who have been trying to destroy our tough little company. (We need to reassure them that they are not the chumps... even though they are... but if we can create a vicious,fake enemy for these gullible people to rally against, them that will keep swallowing the crap we feed them... what wonderful, gullible idiots...) We have been working hard to secure some big deals and have been diligent in our social media messaging to our fans. (Big deal announcements that are totally unverifiable - we can sound like we are fighting - and winning - and they can never prove we are full of crap!)
We can confidently say that we have turned the corner and that your management team has an unbelievable plan in place for 2019. This will be our year, hjoe fans!!! (We have been saying that sine 2012, but hey - one of these years we might be right! Even a broken clock is right twice a day... and I’m pretty sure we are not as dumb as a broken clock.)
Stay tuned as we provide many exciting updates really soon, including an update on future trading!!! (BWAHAHA!!! Who are we kidding.... the money’s gone, chumps!!!)
Go Joe!!!
(I apologize for the lack of second grade spelling errors and “he must be drunk” typos. I hope you were able to understand it
Happy New Year, Believers! Did you know that January is international hangover month? (Wow, that sounds official - I bet that gets their attention) Billions of people wake up on the first of January, feeling the effects of their regrettable decisions from the previous night and year. Billions more need a shot of energy to get back to the office after the holiday drinking season. (Listen to this big numbers... surely that implies tremendous market potential...) Hjoe is there to get everyone rockin’ into the new year! (This should have them hooked for another year of that believer crap...)
We have had a long road to get where we are, and we thank each one of our believers for standing with us against the evil people who have been trying to destroy our tough little company. (We need to reassure them that they are not the chumps... even though they are... but if we can create a vicious,fake enemy for these gullible people to rally against, them that will keep swallowing the crap we feed them... what wonderful, gullible idiots...) We have been working hard to secure some big deals and have been diligent in our social media messaging to our fans. (Big deal announcements that are totally unverifiable - we can sound like we are fighting - and winning - and they can never prove we are full of crap!)
We can confidently say that we have turned the corner and that your management team has an unbelievable plan in place for 2019. This will be our year, hjoe fans!!! (We have been saying that sine 2012, but hey - one of these years we might be right! Even a broken clock is right twice a day... and I’m pretty sure we are not as dumb as a broken clock.)
Stay tuned as we provide many exciting updates really soon, including an update on future trading!!! (BWAHAHA!!! Who are we kidding.... the money’s gone, chumps!!!)
Go Joe!!!
(I apologize for the lack of second grade spelling errors and “he must be drunk” typos. I hope you were able to understand it
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