Its almost like some great big.... dare I say it?

Its almost like some great big.... dare I say it? Conspiracy! GASP! WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP! One thing I know for sure is Im a real person, down real money, eating real crappy food, and using real crappy toilet paper. One little teensy tiny Tweet could get me back to 3 squares a day, maybe a porterhouse here and there, and some nice squeezable Charmin!
WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!