Actually, it’s been kind of a slow news week, outside of

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Oct 26, 2018 at 11:31 PM 126

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Actually, it’s been kind of a slow news week, outside of the attempted mass-assassination-by-mail-bomb terrorist campaign aimed at prominent critics of our Decomposing Rectum of a President. We could talk about that, I guess, if you’re bored.

http://showercapblog.com/this-week-we-learned...terrorism/

Yeah, some crazy assclown decided to mail explosives to the Obamas, the Clintons, Joe Biden, John Brennan, Maxine Waters, Eric Holder, George Soros, and even Robert De Niro, and I’m sure the FBI is just fuckin’ stumped trying to figure out what all the targets have in common. (Shower Cap’s mailbox was empty; I guess I don’t rate, and also my neighbors are stealing my Netflix DVDs*.)

Both sides of the political spectrum reacted with MATHEMATICALLY EQUAL responses, and to suggest otherwise is so uncivil that you would certainly be disinvited from my daughter’s plantation-themed cotillion.

For example, Hillary Clinton thanked everyone for the concern, expressing particular gratitude to the Secret Service for putting their lives on the line for her family’s safety.

And, equally reasonable, dozens of the Screaming Hemorrhoids on the right immediately, with nary a shred of evidence, confidently proclaimed the entire thing was staged to distract people from the…I dunno…the roving Antifa mobs, or the launch of The Conners sans Roseanne, or some shit.

Like, isn’t it amazing, that for a tragically-significant chunk of the electorate, “false flag” is the immediate assumption, the very first place their minds go?

Not, “oh, how terrible,” not “thank God no one was hurt,” but “AHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FILTHY DEEP STATE AND THEIR TRICKSY LIES.”

Anyway, it’s kinda fun that a third of the country is basically in a hate cult. My 7th grade civics textbook didn’t prepare me for that, and it keeps me on my toes.

Lacking not only decency, but a fundamental understanding of why decency is desirable, the Marmalade Shartcannon actually used the act of terrorism to step up his attacks on the near-victims of it.

You half expect him to barge into CNN, grab one of the captured explosive devices, force it into Jake Tapper’s hand while he’s on the air, and smack him repeatedly in the face with it, taunting, “Why’re you bombing yourself? Why’re you bombing yourself, Jake?”

Our old friend Noot Gingrich, delighting in how well his plan to break the greatest democracy in human history has gone, also jumped on the victim-blaming train, looking wistful that he may yet attain his lifelong dream of owning human slaves.

And of course, even after years of demonizing and dehumanizing his opponents, and inciting violence with the regularity of a sitcom character making sure to get his catch-phrase in every episode, Dorito Mussolini refused to take any responsibility for a targeted terrorist attack on his critics.

He’s also recently refused to take responsibility for any GOP losses in the midterms. “Responsibility” isn’t really Donnie Two-Scoops’ thing, you see. Hell, 25% of John Kelly’s job is accepting blame for his boss’ overdone steak farts.

(Oh, there’s this other story on Mueller and Flynn and the Saudis tangled up in the Khashoggi murder. I haven’t had time to read it yet, but goddamn it, this is blog is THOROUGH! I woulda made a really hilarious joke though, I promise.)

I’ll leave you with something guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Because you deserve it.

So, the Shart Foundation is in court now over that whole “you’re not a charity, you’re a petty cash box” thing. By now, I’m sure you’re familiar with the tale of Weehands McNodick using charitable funds to buy a painting of himself, right?

WELL, in court today, the only defense his lawyers could muster was, “See, he started the bidding himself, but then it turned out nobody else was willing to offer so much as a half-eaten Milky Way for a picture of him. Your honor, this is a man who must pay more than $100,000 simply to have to sex. We throw ourselves on your mercy.”

Anyway, it was a gloriously pathetic admission, and I for one needed something to laugh about, because somebody tried to assassinate some of very favorite people this week.

You know the drill by now. Check out your friendly neighborhood Shower Cap’s Action Guide for the Goddamn Midterms. Donate. Volunteer. Get in the fight. Take your country back.

*Yes, I still get the DVDs by mail. Fuck you, you don’t know me.

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