Actually, it’s been kind of a slow news week, outside of

New Post Public Reply Private Reply Replies (1) Message Board

Oct 26, 2018 at 11:31 PM 129

Quote:

Actually, it’s been kind of a slow news week, outside of the attempted mass-assassination-by-mail-bomb terrorist campaign aimed at prominent critics of our Decomposing Rectum of a President. We could talk about that, I guess, if you’re bored.

http://showercapblog.com/this-week-we-learned...terrorism/

Yeah, some crazy assclown decided to mail explosives to the Obamas, the Clintons, Joe Biden, John Brennan, Maxine Waters, Eric Holder, George Soros, and even Robert De Niro, and I’m sure the FBI is just fuckin’ stumped trying to figure out what all the targets have in common. (Shower Cap’s mailbox was empty; I guess I don’t rate, and also my neighbors are stealing my Netflix DVDs*.)

Both sides of the political spectrum reacted with MATHEMATICALLY EQUAL responses, and to suggest otherwise is so uncivil that you would certainly be disinvited from my daughter’s plantation-themed cotillion.

For example, Hillary Clinton thanked everyone for the concern, expressing particular gratitude to the Secret Service for putting their lives on the line for her family’s safety.

And, equally reasonable, dozens of the Screaming Hemorrhoids on the right immediately, with nary a shred of evidence, confidently proclaimed the entire thing was staged to distract people from the…I dunno…the roving Antifa mobs, or the launch of The Conners sans Roseanne, or some shit.

Like, isn’t it amazing, that for a tragically-significant chunk of the electorate, “false flag” is the immediate assumption, the very first place their minds go?

Not, “oh, how terrible,” not “thank God no one was hurt,” but “AHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FILTHY DEEP STATE AND THEIR TRICKSY LIES.”

Anyway, it’s kinda fun that a third of the country is basically in a hate cult. My 7th grade civics textbook didn’t prepare me for that, and it keeps me on my toes.

Lacking not only decency, but a fundamental understanding of why decency is desirable, the Marmalade Shartcannon actually used the act of terrorism to step up his attacks on the near-victims of it.

You half expect him to barge into CNN, grab one of the captured explosive devices, force it into Jake Tapper’s hand while he’s on the air, and smack him repeatedly in the face with it, taunting, “Why’re you bombing yourself? Why’re you bombing yourself, Jake?”

Our old friend Noot Gingrich, delighting in how well his plan to break the greatest democracy in human history has gone, also jumped on the victim-blaming train, looking wistful that he may yet attain his lifelong dream of owning human slaves.

And of course, even after years of demonizing and dehumanizing his opponents, and inciting violence with the regularity of a sitcom character making sure to get his catch-phrase in every episode, Dorito Mussolini refused to take any responsibility for a targeted terrorist attack on his critics.

He’s also recently refused to take responsibility for any GOP losses in the midterms. “Responsibility” isn’t really Donnie Two-Scoops’ thing, you see. Hell, 25% of John Kelly’s job is accepting blame for his boss’ overdone steak farts.

(Oh, there’s this other story on Mueller and Flynn and the Saudis tangled up in the Khashoggi murder. I haven’t had time to read it yet, but goddamn it, this is blog is THOROUGH! I woulda made a really hilarious joke though, I promise.)

I’ll leave you with something guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Because you deserve it.

So, the Shart Foundation is in court now over that whole “you’re not a charity, you’re a petty cash box” thing. By now, I’m sure you’re familiar with the tale of Weehands McNodick using charitable funds to buy a painting of himself, right?

WELL, in court today, the only defense his lawyers could muster was, “See, he started the bidding himself, but then it turned out nobody else was willing to offer so much as a half-eaten Milky Way for a picture of him. Your honor, this is a man who must pay more than $100,000 simply to have to sex. We throw ourselves on your mercy.”

Anyway, it was a gloriously pathetic admission, and I for one needed something to laugh about, because somebody tried to assassinate some of very favorite people this week.

You know the drill by now. Check out your friendly neighborhood Shower Cap’s Action Guide for the Goddamn Midterms. Donate. Volunteer. Get in the fight. Take your country back.

*Yes, I still get the DVDs by mail. Fuck you, you don’t know me.

Newer

Older

Scroll down for more posts ▼

Top 10 Most Recent News Articles

Rural AI Skills Gap Uncovered: Challenges and Solutions

Rural Workers Face Distinct AI Challenges Ah, life in the countryside might sound serene, but when it comes to keeping up with AI, rural folks aren't sipping lemonade and waiting on a windfall. The newly unveiled paper from the University of Phoenix College of Doctoral Studies shines a floodlight on some hefty challenges facing rural communities—particularly around...

UBCF & GGP Join Forces for Nationwide Pink Bag Drive

Caring Through Community: Pink Bag Events Unroll What do you get when compassion meets action? That's the story with the United Breast Cancer Foundation (UBCF) and GGP's Pink Bag Event. Here in 2026, these folks are doing something so damn important, you'd wonder why more don’t follow suit. For the fifth straight year, they're rolling out a campaign that bridges the gap...

Can AI Help Climate? Tech Investments Seek Balance

Is AI a Climate Savior or a Power-Hungry Beast? AI might feel like that unpredictable family member you hope shows up to the party with something useful, but they’ve always got high energy bills. As the tech world touts artificial intelligence as the next big hope for addressing climate woes, folks like Peter Gilmer—who's been around a few boardrooms—are taking a...

Bass Angler Matt Robertson Reels in Record $1.25M Prize

A New Era for Bass Fishing Payouts Who would have thought we'd see the day when bass fishing turned out to be as lucrative as a Wall Street handshake? But here we are, with Matt Robertson hauling in a whopping $1.25 million prize at World Bass Enterprises' first "The Champions" Tournament. We're not talking chump change here—this is the real deal in a sport often...

Karma Automotive Debuts High-Stakes Eximius Program

Breaking Ground with Bespoke Engineering Fancy seeing a car more unique than a snowflake, eh? Well, Karma Automotive is upending the luxury vehicle market with the launch of the Eximius program. Catering to the whims of the elite who aren’t just satisfied with a plethora of options, this is a game for those who crave a motorized extension of their ego and address book....

Langford Chosen for Navy Mutual's 2026 Bolles Award

Awarding a Military Financial Educator There's something profoundly rewarding when hard work and dedication get their due recognition. That's precisely what's happened for Lacey Langford, who’s just been awarded the Lieutenant Timothy Dix Bolles Excellency in Education Award by the Navy Mutual Aid Association, or simply Navy Mutual. This isn’t just some...

ModelBest & OpenBMB Unveil Open-Source OCR Models

A New Frontier in Document Parsing Just when you thought document parsing couldn't get any more advanced, ModelBest and OpenBMB come along with a game-changing release: the MiniCPM-OCR series. This duo of dynamite models, MiniCPM-OCR 1.0 and Jev, is all about taking the efficiency and performance expectations for open-source OCR models up a couple of notches. If you're an...

Voting for Future Urban Icons Begins Globally

New Era for Urban Innovations Takes Center Stage Here's a twist folks didn't see coming: Future cities aren't just the stuff of sci-fi flicks anymore. We've got a global stage now—real, live, and buzzing with excitement from New Clark City in the Philippines. On October 31, 2026, they pulled back the curtain on 7wondersfc.com, flipping the switch on a worldwide voting...

Race for Life Rescue Logs 200 Flights for Shelter Pets

Airborne Lifelines for Vulnerable Animals Ever picture an airplane filled with hope? Well, Race for Life Rescue isn't just carting metal through the sky; they're lifting spirits, one furry passenger at a time. Picture this: a nonprofit turning a clunky Beechcraft into a flying ark, whisking away 112 at-risk pets from Louisiana to fresh starts in the Northeast. And guess...

UBCF Strikes Big in Times Square with New Billboards

From the Shadows to the Spotlight Ever seen someone step up to the plate and knock it out of the park? That's what the United Breast Cancer Foundation (UBCF) is doing by plastering their mission right across Times Square. Talk about grabbing the bull by the horns, eh? With not one, but two billboards now gracing one of the globe's most iconic public spaces, they've...