Quote:Nation Stunned That There Is Someone in White House Capable of Writing an Editorial
By Andy Borowitz
September 5, 2018
Photograph by Eric Thayer / Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were startled by the revelation on Wednesday afternoon that there was someone working in the Trump White House capable of writing an entire editorial, reports indicate.
In a nation already rocked by a series of bombshells since Labor Day, the news that an anonymous senior White House official had the command of the English language necessary to compose a seemingly coherent Op-Ed piece suitable for publication in a major newspaper was perhaps the most improbable development of all.
Davis Logsdon, a professor of linguistics at the University of Minnesota, said that a team of language experts under his supervision has studied the Op-Ed word by word and is “in a state of disbelief” that someone currently working for Donald J. Trump could have written it.
“There are complete sentences, there are well-structured paragraphs, there is subject-verb agreement,” he said. “This does not appear to be the work of any White House staffer we’re familiar with.”
Stressing that he and his team of linguists are “not even close” to determining the author, Logsdon said that they were currently using the process of elimination to whittle down the list of possible scribes.
“Based on the mastery of language that we see here, it’s not Sarah Huckabee Sanders, John Kelly, Stephen Miller, or Kellyanne Conway, and it’s definitely not Jared,” he said.
Nation Stunned That There Is Someone in White House
Scroll down for more posts ▼
Top 10 Most Recent News Articles
Top 5 Most Recently Viewed Articles
RION Completes Patient Enrollment for Innovative Diabetic Ulcer Study
RION Completes Patient Enrollment for Innovative Diabetic Ulcer Study RION, a pioneering clinical-stage company focused on regenerative medicine, has reached a significant milestone by completing patient enrollment in its Phase 2 clinical trial for the Purified Exosome Product™ (PEP™). This innovative study aims to tackle the pressing problem of diabetic foot ulcers...
Continue Reading
Empowering Mental Health: BrainsWay's CME Course Initiative
BrainsWay Leads in TMS Education Through Free CME Courses BURLINGTON, Mass. and JERUSALEM, Israel — BrainsWay, a leader in noninvasive neurostimulation treatments, is excited to announce its sponsorship of two free Continuing Medical Education (CME) courses. These courses aim to enhance mental health professionals' understanding and application of Transcranial Magnetic...
Continue Reading
OCCIN Reaches New Heights as Stock Surges to $23.52
OCCIN Stock Hits New Heights In a notable market development, shares of OFS Credit Company (NASDAQ: OCCI) Inc. (OCCIN) have soared to an impressive 52-week high, reaching $23.52. This significant achievement reflects the steady upward trend of the investment firm, which primarily focuses on collateralized loan obligations. Over the last year, OCCIN's stock has shown...
Continue Reading
Rapid Micro Biosystems Plans Financial Results Announcement
Rapid Micro Biosystems to Report Fourth Quarter Financials Rapid Micro Biosystems, Inc. (NASDAQ: RPID), a pioneering force in life sciences technology, is gearing up to unveil its fourth quarter and full-year financial outcomes for 2024. This milestone is set to take place on February 28, 2025, before the stock market opens, reflecting the company's commitment to...
Continue Reading
Bekaert's Latest Developments in Share Buyback and Liquidity
Update on Share Buyback Program The share buyback journey continues for Bekaert with exciting developments outlined in their latest announcement. Recently, a significant milestone was reached as the company initiated a new tranche of its share buyback program. The aim of this program is clear: to enhance shareholder value by reducing the total number of outstanding...
Continue Reading