Apologies for this Super-Dull Recap of the Week
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Posted On: 08/23/2018 1:34:48 PM
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Apologies for this Super-Dull Recap of the Week’s Exceptionally Boring News
"Mmmmmmmm…let’s see, anything going on with that Manafort fellow? The gossip columns tell us he’s used his time in incarceration to become quite the adept little Sudoku player!
He’s also taken on the task of re-organizing the pantry in the prison commissary, and oh yeah, he was just CONVICTED ON EIGHT DIFFERENT FELONY COUNTS HASHTAG MANAFUCKED ROT IN JAIL FOREVER YOU TREASONOUS SHITWEASEL!
Yessir, Pusillanimous Paulie got nailed to the wall. And now he’s going to a very sad place where none of the clothes are made from ostriches, not even the jumpsuits.
I guess if I wanted to spice up this quaaludes-at-a-Dan-Fogelberg-concert snoozefest of a news cycle, we could play a game. Like, we could try to guess what epic, horrible, shit Michael Cohen was into, that the feds uncovered, that his motherfucking PLEA DEAL was for eight felony counts, implicating the goddamn President, and still carries serious jail time.
Was he selling crystal meth on playgrounds? Or do they just have pics of him dressing up in Ivanka’s clothes while Donnie bites his ass?
At least Duncan Hunter is trying give folks their money’s worth! A 47-page indictment for livin’ large on campaign donors’ dollar? You House boys know how to fuckin’ party!
You also apparently know how to insult entire branches of the armed forces! And you’ve demonstrated an uncanny knack for Buying Shit For Yourself with the Intention of Pretending the Expense was Actually a Donation for Wounded Veterans! Good luck with re-election!
Duncan, m’man, in a party full of pedophiles and abusers and enablers and that one guy who tried to pay his staff to fuck him, you somehow managed to stand out as exceptionally shitty.
You are a Jagoff Among Jagoffs sir. Tell you what, I’ll donate five hundred dollars to your re-election, but I’ll only give it to you if you hold the fundraiser at a Navy bar.
I see Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler sent Sharty McFly a “Stop Using Our Music at Your Klan Rallies, You Too-Long-Tie-Wearing Prick” letter, just to sprinkle a little crumbled-up toffee on the President’s terrible horrible no-good very bad legal day.
Man. That’s Amazing. They’re really treating Trump like a Rag Doll. Whatever happens next, I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.
What else, what else…ummmmmmmmmm….Larry Kudlow invited a white supremacist over to his house for his birthday? Does “High-Ranking Advisor to the President Does Jell-O Shots Out of Nazi’s Belly Button” really qualify as NEWS anymore?
That’s page A-22 shit nowadays. Stephen Miller could fly to Chicago just to rub his bare ass on American Gothic and you’d forget about it in three hours.
The Cohen thing and the Manafort thing happened literally minutes apart, so when you really look at it, outside of one teeny-tiny hour, things really have been sorta drab this week.
showercapblog.com/apologies-for-this-super-dull-recap-of-the-weeks-exceptionally-boring-news/
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