Everyone in my family was a police officer, exce
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Posted On: 07/27/2018 2:15:35 PM
Everyone in my family was a police officer,
except for my grandad, who was a bank robber..
He died last week..
surrounded by his family.
I just asked Siri :
"Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
I saw a billboard today that said,
"Pregnant? You're not alone."
I thought to myself, "Isn't that how it works?"
I entered a contest where the grand prize
was a large shopping center, but I lost....
Can't win the mall
I went for a job interview yesterday..
The boss said “starting pay is $20 an hour, and after six months it goes up to $25 an hour. When do you want to start?”
I said “in 6 months”
I've gotten 32 women in bed this week...
I deserve a promotion at my job at Mattress Discount Center.
The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse...
You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.
I can think of two good reasons to wear diapers
Number one and number two.
A kid asked his dad what an alcoholic is
Dad: “You see those 4 cars ahead of us? An alcoholic would see 8”
Son: “Dad there’s only 2.”
My wife says she's going to leave me because
I'm addicted to devices.
You know, de drinking, de smoking, de gambling...
What did the Mexican pilot say
to make the flight take off on time?
UNDELAY UNDELAY
except for my grandad, who was a bank robber..
He died last week..
surrounded by his family.
I just asked Siri :
"Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
I saw a billboard today that said,
"Pregnant? You're not alone."
I thought to myself, "Isn't that how it works?"
I entered a contest where the grand prize
was a large shopping center, but I lost....
Can't win the mall
I went for a job interview yesterday..
The boss said “starting pay is $20 an hour, and after six months it goes up to $25 an hour. When do you want to start?”
I said “in 6 months”
I've gotten 32 women in bed this week...
I deserve a promotion at my job at Mattress Discount Center.
The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse...
You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.
I can think of two good reasons to wear diapers
Number one and number two.
A kid asked his dad what an alcoholic is
Dad: “You see those 4 cars ahead of us? An alcoholic would see 8”
Son: “Dad there’s only 2.”
My wife says she's going to leave me because
I'm addicted to devices.
You know, de drinking, de smoking, de gambling...
What did the Mexican pilot say
to make the flight take off on time?
UNDELAY UNDELAY
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