The doctor gave me one year to live. In the heat
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In the heat of the moment, I shot him. The judge gave me 40 years.
Problem solved.
I took my wife’s family out for crackers and orange juice.
They weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though.
I was attacked by a group of mime artists.
They did unspeakable things to me.
You know what I hate?
People who answer their own questions.
My wife taught our car a new trick.
She got it to roll over yesterday.
I saved 15% on car insurance
by leaving the scene of the accident.
I recently took up meditation.
Beats sitting around doing nothing.
Yesterday, I went to the Air and Space Museum.
There was nothing there.
If Einstein hadn't come up with the Theory of Relativity,
somebody else would have. It was only a matter of time.
How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide?
There are bullet holes in the mirror.
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