You Can't Break Up With Me, Trump Tells Kim Jong-u

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You Can't Break Up With Me, Trump Tells Kim Jong-un, I Broke Up With You!

President Mean Girl gives the Supreme Leader a high school burn.

By Charles P. Pierce
May 24, 2018


Getty Images

Good morning, suckers.

“Based on the tremendous anger and open hostility displayed in your most recent statement, I feel it is inappropriate, at this time, to have this long planned meeting...I felt a wonderful dialogue was building between you and me, and ultimately, it is the only dialogue that matters. If you change your mind having to do with this important summit, please do not hesitate to call me or write.”

You can’t break up with me. I broke up with you. No, you hang up first.

So, after all the big talk about the Nobel Prize, and about how this would be the foreign policy triumph that would make the president* a president, the Singapore Summit is off. The South Koreans are back on a knife’s edge.

The Chinese are laughing up their sleeves. And the rest of the world doesn’t trust the government of the United States as far as it can throw Trump Tower. However, we do have those commemorative medallions that already were struck, which likely will be the highest-priced items on whatever our future robot overlords have for an eBay.

And it's all because something went bad wrong at prom. Also, it might also be necessary to egg your house.

You talk about your nuclear capabilities, but ours are so massive and powerful that I pray to God they will never have to be used.

Why do they laugh at my mighty sword?

It already was a rich, full morning for El Caudillo del Mar-A-Lago. He got to appear on his favorite morning cartoon show, Three Dolts On A Divan. He once again demonstrated his grasp of the truly important issues of the day.

“I don’t think people should be staying in locker rooms. You have to stand proudly for the national anthem or you shouldn’t be playing. You shouldn’t be there. Maybe you shouldn’t be in the country.”

Is he planning on having, say, the Raiders deported en masse? (Not that I’d necessarily object, mind you.) Also, I should note that, on Wednesday, right here in this here shebeen, we noted that:

So, they’re leaving it up to the individual franchises, except that they’re not, and the only available avenue of protest left to the players is to stay in the locker room. If enough players do that, and if it becomes a Media Thing, I guarantee you, the NFL will pass a rule saying that it will fine any player who stays off the field.

It took less than a day. Nice going, NFL. Your surrender is ongoing.

So far, the spin on the cancelled summit from the lapdogs in Congress is that the president* has Stood Firm. That he is not Going To Make A Deal Just To Make A Deal. That he is not going to settle for anything except everything he wants from an authoritarian leader who’s as nutty as he is, and who has no motivation at all ever to speak to him again.

And, at the end of a very rich, full morning, we must all come to the conclusion that Jeff Flake is about as useful as a straw hat in a snowstorm.

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