Kimmel, Colbert Lead Late-Night Celebration
of FBI Raid on Trump Lawyer < >
After losing his feud with Sean Hannity, last-place late night host Jimmy Kimmel chose to focus on the news that the FBI had raided the office and hotel room of President Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen.
Jimmy Kimmel opened with, “The FBI in New York made its most dramatic and aggressive move on the White House yet. You know, it’s never a great sign when your lawyer needs a lawyer, but that is the spot Donald ‘Jephanie’ Trump finds himself in tonight as a dozen FBI agents raided the office of his personal attorney Michael Cohen.”
“And they didn’t just raid his office. They also raided his house and his hotel room. Which, he has a house and a hotel room? The fact that a guy who pays off porn stars ‘has’ a hotel room is, to me, is a red flag,” he continued.
“The New York Times is reporting that the raid is focusing on many things, not just the payment. Special Counsel Robert Mueller is said to be interested in potential Cohen attempts to contact Vladimir Putin’s spokesman about building a Trump Tower in Moscow some time ago. Is there ever going to be a story about Donald Trump that doesn’t involve Vladimir Putin?” Kimmel sarcastically asked.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if, at the end of all this, Trump breaks down and starts speaking perfect Russian like Kevin Costner at the end of ‘No Way Out’.”
“All I know is, Mike Pence is just sitting there just doing a little jig right under the desk. He’s gonna go home and kiss that rabbit of his over and over again on the head he’s so happy.”
On CBS’s The Late Show, Stephen Colbert aired video of Trump denying he knew about Cohen paying off Stormy Daniels with 130,000. “He knows nothing,” Colbert said. “Trump trusts his lawyer so much that he lets him do stuff he doesn’t know about, in his name, for reasons he doesn’t understand. That’s like saying, ‘Doc, put me under and take whatever organs you want. Dealer’s choice.’ ”
“Remember, Michael Cohen says he paid off Stormy Daniels out of his own pocket, which is crazy. Who pays for porn?” Colbert added.
Over at TBS, Conan O’Brien joked, “The FBI raided the offices of President Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen. Out of habit, Cohen offered the agents $130,000 to keep the whole thing quiet.”
The best struggling Daily Show host Trevor Noah could summon was, “It’s just nice knowing that, in 20 years, teachers won’t be able to give a history lesson without explaining what a pornographic actress is.”
of FBI Raid on Trump Lawyer < >
After losing his feud with Sean Hannity, last-place late night host Jimmy Kimmel chose to focus on the news that the FBI had raided the office and hotel room of President Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen.
Jimmy Kimmel opened with, “The FBI in New York made its most dramatic and aggressive move on the White House yet. You know, it’s never a great sign when your lawyer needs a lawyer, but that is the spot Donald ‘Jephanie’ Trump finds himself in tonight as a dozen FBI agents raided the office of his personal attorney Michael Cohen.”
“And they didn’t just raid his office. They also raided his house and his hotel room. Which, he has a house and a hotel room? The fact that a guy who pays off porn stars ‘has’ a hotel room is, to me, is a red flag,” he continued.
“The New York Times is reporting that the raid is focusing on many things, not just the payment. Special Counsel Robert Mueller is said to be interested in potential Cohen attempts to contact Vladimir Putin’s spokesman about building a Trump Tower in Moscow some time ago. Is there ever going to be a story about Donald Trump that doesn’t involve Vladimir Putin?” Kimmel sarcastically asked.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if, at the end of all this, Trump breaks down and starts speaking perfect Russian like Kevin Costner at the end of ‘No Way Out’.”
“All I know is, Mike Pence is just sitting there just doing a little jig right under the desk. He’s gonna go home and kiss that rabbit of his over and over again on the head he’s so happy.”
On CBS’s The Late Show, Stephen Colbert aired video of Trump denying he knew about Cohen paying off Stormy Daniels with 130,000. “He knows nothing,” Colbert said. “Trump trusts his lawyer so much that he lets him do stuff he doesn’t know about, in his name, for reasons he doesn’t understand. That’s like saying, ‘Doc, put me under and take whatever organs you want. Dealer’s choice.’ ”
“Remember, Michael Cohen says he paid off Stormy Daniels out of his own pocket, which is crazy. Who pays for porn?” Colbert added.
Over at TBS, Conan O’Brien joked, “The FBI raided the offices of President Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen. Out of habit, Cohen offered the agents $130,000 to keep the whole thing quiet.”
The best struggling Daily Show host Trevor Noah could summon was, “It’s just nice knowing that, in 20 years, teachers won’t be able to give a history lesson without explaining what a pornographic actress is.”
