Michael Cohen Should've 'Tread Very F*cking Lightl

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Michael Cohen Should've 'Tread Very F*cking Lightly'

President* Trump's lawyer goon gets a visit from the FBI.

By Charles P. Pierce
Apr 9, 2018



No knock.

Who’s there?

FB.

FB who?

FBI, motherfcker.

—New Variation On Traditional New York Humor

Michael Cohen, capo di tutti tuff-guy in the president*’s entourage, got a visit from those nice young folks at the Bureau on Monday. I think I can say without fear of contradiction that pure, uncut schadenfreude has descended on any number of people in New York and Washington. From the NYT:

Federal prosecutors in Manhattan obtained the search warrant after receiving a referral from the special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, according to Mr. Cohen’s lawyer, who called the search “completely inappropriate and unnecessary.” The search does not appear to be directly related to Mr. Mueller’s investigation, but likely resulted from information he had uncovered and gave to prosecutors in New York.

And, because it’s 2018, there is a Stormy angle.

Mr. Cohen plays a role in aspects of the special counsel’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. He also recently said he paid $130,000 to a pornographic-film actress, Stephanie Clifford, who said she had an affair with Mr. Trump. Ms. Clifford is known as Stormy Daniels.

Mr. Ryan said Mr. Cohen has cooperated with authorities and turned over thousands of documents to congressional investigators looking into Russian election meddling. The payments to Ms. Clifford are only one of many topics being investigated, according to a person briefed on the search. The F.B.I. also seized emails, tax documents and business records, the person said.

Cohen was the president*’s designated hitter, his bully with a briefcase and a line of bullshit straight out of a cheap mob movie. McKay Coppins of Buzzfeed hipped us to Cohen in 2015.

"I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly. Because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

As Mr. Spade was known to say, and as we are known to quote him: the cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter.

The FBI doesn’t raid the offices of high-end lawyers unless they are absolutely sure about what they’re looking for, and absolutely sure they’re inbounds, too.

Attorney-client privilege is a serious business, and that’s a good thing. It’s pretty plain that this is a serious turn in Robert Mueller’s investigation. It’s also pretty plain that his investigation is going everywhere it can possibly go.

Tread very fcking lightly, Mr. Cohen. What can happen to you can be fcking disgusting.

UPDATE: Speaking prior to a meeting with the leaders of the military and his national security team, the president* took his usual cool approach to bad news.

"We've had this hanging over us now from the very beginning and the other side is where there are crimes lies under oath all over the place emails that are acid washed and deleted I just think it's a disgrace that a thing like this can happen we are here to discuss Syria."

“They raid the office of a personal attorney early in the morning. The attorney general made terrible mistake when he did this, when he recused himself."

"Here we are talking about Syria and I have this witch hunt constantly going on. It's an attack on our country in a true sense. That is now at a whole new level of unfairness."

“I have this witch hunt constantly going on. It’s an attack on our country…what we all stand for.”

If I live anywhere near a Syrian airport, I'm hitting the shelters immediately.

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